§1ὅσα δὴ δέδηγμαι τὴν ἐμαυτοῦ καρδίαν,
How deeply indeed I have been bitten in my own heart!
But I have been pleased only a little, a very little—just four times; but the things that have pained me are as countless as the sand on the shore.
§4φέρʼ ἴδω, τί δʼ ἥσθην ἄξιον χαιρηδόνος;
Let me see, what did I enjoy that was worthy of delight?
Ah, I know what gladdened my heart to see— those five talents that Cleon vomited up.
How I rejoiced at this, and I love the Knights for this deed; for it was worthy of Greece.
§9ἀλλʼ ὠδυνήθην ἕτερον αὖ τραγῳδικόν, §10ὅτε δὴ ʼκεχήνη προσδοκῶν τὸν Αἰσχύλον, §11ὁ δʼ ἀνεῖπεν, εἴσαγʼ ὦ Θέογνι τὸν χορόν. §12πῶς τοῦτʼ ἔσεισέ μου δοκεῖς τὴν καρδίαν;
But on the other hand, I suffered another pain, a tragic one, when I was waiting with open mouth, expecting Aeschylus, but the herald proclaimed: "Theognis, bring in your chorus." How do you think this shook my heart?
But another time I was pleased, when after Moschus, Dexitheus came in to sing a Boeotian strain.
But this year I died and squinted in pain when I saw Chaeris sneak in for the "Orthian" tune.
§17ἀλλʼ οὐδεπώποτʼ ἐξ ὅτου ʼγὼ ῥύπτομαι §18οὕτως ἐδήχθην ὑπὸ κονίας τὰς ὀφρῦς §19ὡς νῦν, ὁπότʼ οὔσης κυρίας ἐκκλησίας §20ἑωθινῆς ἔρημος ἡ πνὺξ αὑτηί, §21οἱ δʼ ἐν ἀγορᾷ λαλοῦσι κἄνω καὶ κάτω §22τὸ σχοινίον φεύγουσι τὸ μεμιλτωμένον.
But never, since I first washed, have my eyebrows been so stung by dust as now, when there is a regular assembly in the morning, and this Pnyx is completely deserted, while the people are chattering in the marketplace and, up and down, dodging the red-dyed rope.
§23οὐδʼ οἱ πρυτάνεις ἥκουσιν, ἀλλʼ ἀωρίαν §24ἥκοντες, εἶτα δʼ ὠστιοῦνται πῶς δοκεῖς §25ἐλθόντες ἀλλήλοισι περὶ πρώτου ξύλου, §26ἁθρόοι καταρρέοντες·
Not even the prytaneis have come, but they will arrive late, and then, how do you think they will jostle one another for the front seat, pouring down in a crowd.
εἰρήνη δʼ ὅπως §27ἔσται προτιμῶσʼ οὐδέν·
But how there will be peace they care not at all.
ὦ πόλις πόλις.
O city, city!
But I, always the very first to return to the assembly, sit here.
κᾆτʼ ἐπειδὰν ὦ μόνος, §30στένω κέχηνα σκορδινῶμαι πέρδομαι, §31ἀπορῶ γράφω παρατίλλομαι λογίζομαι, §32ἀποβλέπων ἐς τὸν ἀγρὸν εἰρήνης ἐρῶν, §33στυγῶν μὲν ἄστυ τὸν δʼ ἐμὸν δῆμον ποθῶν, §34ὃς οὐδεπώποτʼ εἶπεν, ἄνθρακας πρίω, §35οὐκ ὄξος οὐκ ἔλαιον, οὐδʼ ᾔδει
πρίω, §36ἀλλʼ αὐτὸς ἔφερε πάντα χὠ πρίων ἀπῆν.
And then when I am alone, I sigh, I yawn, I stretch myself, I fart, I am at a loss, I scribble, I pluck my hair, I calculate, looking off toward the countryside, loving peace, hating the city and longing for my own deme, which never said, "Buy charcoal," nor "vinegar," nor "oil," nor did it know "buy," but it produced everything itself, and that "buying" was absent.
§37νῦν οὖν ἀτεχνῶς ἥκω παρεσκευασμένος §38βοᾶν ὑποκρούειν λοιδορεῖν τοὺς ῥήτορας, §39ἐάν τις ἄλλο πλὴν περὶ εἰρήνης λέγῃ.
So now I have come absolutely prepared to shout, to interrupt, to abuse the speakers, if anyone speaks of anything other than peace.
§40ἀλλʼ οἱ πρυτάνεις γὰρ οὑτοιὶ μεσημβρινοί.
But here come the prytaneis at midday!
§41οὐκ ἠγόρευον;
Didn't I tell you?
τοῦτʼ ἐκεῖνʼ οὑγὼ ʼλεγον· §42ἐς τὴν προεδρίαν πᾶς ἀνὴρ ὠστίζεται.
This is exactly what I was saying: every man is jostling for the front row.
§43πάριτʼ ἐς τὸ πρόσθεν,
Herald: Move forward!
§44πάριθʼ, ὡς ἂν ἐντὸς ἦτε τοῦ καθάρματος.
Move forward, so that you may be inside the purified area.
§45ἤδη τις εἶπε;
Dicaeopolis: Has anyone spoken already?
§45bτίς ἀγορεύειν βούλεται;
Herald: Who wishes to speak?
§46ἐγώ.
Amphitheus: I do.
§46bτίς ὤν;
Herald: Who are you?
§46cἈμφίθεος.
Amphitheus: Amphitheus.
§46dοὐκ ἄνθρωπος;
Dicaeopolis: Not a human being?
ὁ γὰρ Ἀμφίθεος Δήμητρος ἦν §48καὶ Τριπτολέμου· τούτου δὲ Κελεὸς γίγνεται· §49γαμεῖ δὲ Κελεὸς Φαιναρέτην τήθην ἐμήν, §50ἐξ ἧς Λυκῖνος ἐγένεʼ· ἐκ τούτου δʼ ἐγὼ §51ἀθάνατός εἰμʼ·
For the first Amphitheus was the son of Demeter and Triptolemus; from him was born Celeus; and Celeus married Phaenarete, my grandmother, from whom Lycinus was born; and from him I, who am immortal.
ἐμοὶ δʼ ἐπέτρεψαν οἱ θεοὶ §52σπονδὰς ποιεῖσθαι πρὸς Λακεδαιμονίους μόνῳ.
And to me the gods have entrusted the making of a treaty with the Lacedaemonians, to me alone.
But though I am immortal, gentlemen, I have no money for my journey; for the prytaneis do not grant it.
§54bοἱ τοξόται.
Herald: Archers!
§55ὦ Τριπτόλεμε καὶ Κελεὲ περιόψεσθέ με;
Amphitheus: O Triptolemus and Celeus, will you stand by and watch me treated thus?
§56ὦνδρες πρυτάνεις ἀδικεῖτε τὴν ἐκκλησίαν §57τὸν ἄνδρʼ ἀπάγοντες, ὅστις ἡμῖν ἤθελε §58σπονδὰς ποιεῖσθαι καὶ κρεμάσαι τὰς ἀσπίδας.
Dicaeopolis: Gentlemen of the prytaneis, you wrong the assembly by dragging away the man who wished to make a treaty for us and hang up our shields.
§59κάθησο, σῖγα.
Herald: Sit down! Keep silent!
Dicaeopolis: By Apollo, I certainly will not, unless you bring forward proposals about peace for me.
§61οἱ πρέσβεις οἱ παρὰ βασιλέως.
Herald: The ambassadors from the Great King!
§62ποίου βασιλέως;
Dicaeopolis: What Great King?
ἄχθομαι ʼγὼ πρέσβεσιν §63καὶ τοῖς ταὧσι τοῖς τʼ ἀλαζονεύμασιν.
I am sick of ambassadors and their peacocks and their bragging.
§64σίγα.
Herald: Silence!
§64bβαβαιάξ.
Dicaeopolis: Heavens!
ὦκβάτανα τοῦ σχήματος.
Ecbatana, what a get-up!
§65ἐπέμψαθʼ ἡμᾶς ὡς βασιλέα τὸν μέγαν §66μισθὸν φέροντας δύο δραχμὰς τῆς ἡμέρας §67ἐπʼ Εὐθυμένους ἄρχοντος.
Ambassador: You sent us to the Great King, receiving a pay of two drachmas a day, in the archonship of Euthymenes.
§67bοἴμοι τῶν δραχμῶν.
Dicaeopolis: Oh, my poor drachmas!
§68καὶ δῆτʼ ἐτρυχόμεσθα διὰ Καϋστρίων §69πεδίων ὁδοιπλανοῦντες ἐσκηνημένοι, §70ἐφʼ ἁρμαμαξῶν μαλθακῶς κατακείμενοι, §71ἀπολλύμενοι.
Ambassador: And indeed we were worn out, traveling through the Caÿstrian plains, sleeping under tents, lying softly in covered carriages, dying of fatigue.
Dicaeopolis: Yes, and I was being kept wonderfully safe, lying in the litter on the ramparts!
Ambassador: And being entertained, we were forced to drink from crystal cups and golden vessels sweet, unwatered wine.
Dicaeopolis: O rock-bound city, do you perceive the mockery of these ambassadors?
Ambassador: For the barbarians consider only those to be real men who are able to eat and drink the most.
§79ἡμεῖς δὲ λαικαστάς τε καὶ καταπύγονας.
Dicaeopolis: And we, only the debauchees and the buggers.
§80ἔτει τετάρτῳ δʼ ἐς τὰ βασίλειʼ ἤλθομεν· §81ἀλλʼ εἰς ἀπόπατον ᾤχετο στρατιὰν λαβών, §82κἄχεζεν ὀκτὼ μῆνας ἐπὶ χρυσῶν ὀρῶν.
Ambassador: In the fourth year we arrived at the palace; but the Great King had gone off with his army to the privy, and he was relieving himself for eight months on the Golden Mountains.
§83πόσου δὲ τὸν πρωκτὸν χρόνου ξυνήγαγεν;
Dicaeopolis: And how much time did he take to close his asshole?
§84τῇ πανσελήνῳ· κᾆτʼ ἀπῆλθεν οἴκαδε.
Ambassador: At the full moon; and then he went back home.
Then he entertained us, and set before us whole oxen roasted in an oven.
τῶν ἀλαζονευμάτων.
What a load of bragging!