§3τὸν δὲ φίλον ἡμεῖς
μοῦνον
μὲν οὐκ ἀξιοῦμεν εἶναι, μετʼ ἄλλου δὲ
τηλύγετός
τις καὶ ὀψίγονος ἔστω, τὸν θρυλούμενον ἐκεῖνον χρόνῳ τῶν ἁλῶν συγκατεδηδοκὼς μέδιμνον, οὐχ ὥσπερ νῦν πολλοὶ φίλοι λεγόμενοι συμπιόντες ἅπαξ ἢ συγκαταλύσαντες ἢ συγκυβεύσαντες ἢ συγκαταλύσαντες, ἐκ πανδοκείου καὶ παλαίστρας καὶ ἀγορᾶς φιλίαν συλλέγουσιν.
But we do not demand that a friend be "only," but along with another let him be a "late-born" and "born-late" child, as it were, having consumed together in time that proverbial medimnus of salt, not as many who are called friends today, who, having drunk together once, or having lodged together, or having played dice together, or having lodged together, gather friendship from the inn, the palaestra, and the marketplace.
ἐν δὲ ταῖς τῶν πλουσίων καὶ ἡγεμονικῶν οἰκίαις πολὺν ὄχλον καὶ θόρυβον ἀσπαζομένων καὶ δεξιουμένων καὶ δορυφορούντων ὁρῶντες εὐδαιμονίζουσι τοὺς πολυφίλους.
But in the homes of the rich and powerful they see a great crowd and clamor of people greeting, welcoming, and guarding them, and they deem those with many friends happy.
καίτοι πλείονάς γε μυίας ἐν τοῖς ὀπτανείοις αὐτῶν ὁρῶσιν.
And yet they see even more flies in their kitchens.
ἀλλʼ οὔθʼ αὗται τῆς λιχνείας οὔτʼ ἐκεῖνοι τῆς χρείας ἐπιλιπούσης παραμένουσιν.
But neither do these remain when greed fails, nor do those when utility fails.
ἐπεὶ δʼ ἡ ἀληθινὴ φιλία τρία ζητεῖ μάλιστα, τὴν ἀρετὴν ὡς καλόν, καὶ τὴν συνήθειαν ὡς ἡδύ, καὶ τὴν χρείαν ὡς ἀναγκαῖον δεῖ γὰρ ἀποδέξασθαι κρίναντα καὶ χαίρειν συνόντα καὶ χρῆσθαι δεόμενον, ἃ πάντα πρὸς τὴν πολυφιλίαν ὑπεναντιοῦται, καὶ μάλιστά πως τὸ κυριώτατον ἡ κρίσις, σκεπτέον πρῶτον εἰ δυνατόν ἐστιν ἐν βραχεῖ χρόνῳ δοκιμάσαι χορευτὰς συγχορευσομένους, ἐρέτας ὁμορροθήσοντας, οἰκέτας χρημάτων ἐπιτρόπους ἢ τέκνων παιδαγωγοὺς ἐσομένους, μήτι γε φίλους πολλοὺς εἰς ἀγῶνα πάσης τύχης συναποδυσομένους, ὧν ἕκαστος αὐτὸς θʼ αὑτὸν
"
πράττων εὖ τίθησιν εἰς μέσον,
τοῦ δυστυχοῦς τε λαγχάνων οὐκ ἄχθεται
"
οὔτε ναῦς γὰρ ἐπὶ τοσούτους ἕλκεται χειμῶνας εἰς θάλατταν, οὔτε χωρίοις τριγχοὺς καὶ λιμέσι προβάλλουσιν ἕρκη καὶ χώματα τηλικούτους προσδεχόμενοι κινδύνους καὶ τοσούτους, ὅσων ἐπαγγέλλεται φιλία καταφυγὴν καὶ βοήθειαν, ὀρθῶς καὶ βεβαίως ἐξετασθεῖσα· τῶν δʼ ἀνεξετάστως παραρρυέντων ὥσπερ νομισμάτων ἀδοκίμων ἐλεγχομένων
"
οἱ μὲν ἐστερημένοι
χαίρουσιν, οἱ δʼ ἔχοντες εὔχονται φυγεῖν
"
ἔστι δὲ τοῦτο χαλεπὸν καὶ οὐ ῥᾴδιον, τὸ φυγεῖν ἢ ἀποθέσθαι δυσαρεστουμένην φιλίαν.
But since true friendship seeks three things above all: virtue as beautiful, intimacy as pleasant, and utility as necessary—for we must accept after judging, enjoy being together, and use when in need—all of which are opposed to having many friends, and especially, in some way, the most sovereign one, namely judgment; we must first consider whether it is possible in a short time to test dancers who are to dance together, rowers who are to row together, servants who are to be stewards of property or tutors of children, not to mention many friends who are to strip together for the contest of every fortune, each of whom "places his own welfare in the common pool when faring well, and is not burdened by sharing in misfortune." For neither is a ship dragged into the sea for so many storms, nor do they throw up fences for lands and breakwaters and dikes for harbors expecting dangers so great and so many as those of which friendship, when rightly and securely tested, promises a refuge and help; but of those who slip in untested, when they are examined like counterfeit coins, "those who are deprived of them rejoice, while those who have them pray to escape." But this is difficult and not easy, to escape or cast off a friendship that has become displeasing.
ἀλλʼ ὥσπερ σιτίον βλαβερὸν καὶ δυσχεραινόμενον οὔτε κατέχειν οἷόν τε μὴ λυποῦν καὶ διαφθεῖρον οὔτʼ ἐκβάλλειν οἷον εἰσῆλθεν ἀλλʼ εἰδεχθὲς καὶ συμπεφυρμένον καὶ ἀλλόκοτον, οὕτω φίλος πονηρὸς ἢ σύνεστι λυπῶν καὶ λυμαινόμενος, ἢ βίᾳ μετʼ ἔχθρας καὶ δυσμενείας ὥσπερ χολή τις ἐξέπεσε.
But just as harmful and disgusting food can neither be retained without causing pain and corruption, nor can it be cast out as it entered, but rather ugly and messy and strange, so a bad friend either is present causing pain and damage, or by force with enmity and ill-will is expelled like bile.
§4διὸ δεῖ μὴ ῥᾳδίως προσδέχεσθαι μηδὲ κολλᾶσθαι τοῖς ἐντυγχάνουσι μηδὲ φιλεῖν τοὺς διώκοντας, ἀλλὰ τοὺς ἀξίους φιλίας διώκειν.
Therefore, one must not easily receive or cling to those who happen along, nor love those who pursue us, but pursue those who are worthy of friendship.
οὐ γὰρ αἱρετέον πάντως τὸ ῥᾳδίως ἁλισκόμενον.
For we must not by all means choose what is easily caught.
καὶ γὰρ ἀπαρίνην καὶ βάτον ἐπιλαμβανομένην ὑπερβάντες καὶ διωσάμενοι βαδίζομεν ἐπὶ τὴν ἐλαίαν καὶ τὴν ἄμπελον.
For indeed, stepping over and pushing aside the goosegrass and brambles that catch us, we walk toward the olive and the vine.
οὕτως ἀεὶ μὴ τὸν εὐχερῶς περιπλεκόμενον ποιεῖσθαι συνήθη καλόν, ἀλλὰ τοῖς ἀξίοις σπουδῆς καὶ ὠφελίμοις αὐτοὺς περιπλέκεσθαι δοκιμάζοντας.
Thus, one should not always make a close companion of the one who easily entwines himself, but should himself entwine with those who are worthy of zeal and useful, testing them.
§5ὥσπερ οὖν ὁ Ζεῦξις αἰτιωμένων αὐτόν τινων ὅτι ζωγραφεῖ βραδέως,
ὁμολογῶ
εἶπεν
ἐν πολλῷ χρόνῳ γράφειν, καὶ γὰρ εἰς πολύν,
οὕτω φιλίαν δεῖ καὶ συνήθειαν σῴζειν παραλαβόντας ἐν πολλῷ κριθεῖσαν.
Just as Zeuxis, when some blamed him because he painted slowly, said, "I admit that I paint in a long time, for I paint for a long time," so we must keep friendship and intimacy, receiving them when tested in a long time.
ἆρʼ οὖν κρῖναι μὲν οὐκ ἔστι πολλοὺς φίλους ῥᾴδιον, συνεῖναι δὲ πολλοῖς ὁμοῦ ῥᾴδιον, ἢ καὶ τοῦτο ἀδύνατον;
Is it then not easy to judge many friends, but easy to be together with many at the same time, or is this also impossible?
καὶ μὴν ἀπόλαυσίς ἐστιν ἡ συνήθεια τῆς φιλίας, καὶ τὸ ἥδιστον ἐν τῷ συνεῖναι καὶ συνδιημερεύειν
"
οὐ μὲν γὰρ ζωοί γε φίλων ἀπάνευθεν ἑταίρων
βουλὰς ἑζόμενοι βουλεύσομεν
"
καὶ περὶ τοῦ Ὀδυσσέως ὁ Μενέλαος
"
οὐδέ κεν ἄλλο
ἄμμε διέκρινεν φιλέοντέ τε τερπομένω τε,
πρὶν γʼ ὅτε δὴ θανάτοιο μέλαν νέφος ἀμφεκάλυψε
"
τοὐναντίον οὖν ἔοικεν ἡ καλουμένη πολυφιλία ποιεῖν.
And indeed, intimacy is the enjoyment of friendship, and the most pleasant thing is in being together and spending the day together, "for we shall not, while alive, sitting apart from our dear companions, take counsel," and concerning Odysseus, Menelaus says: "nor would anything else have separated us, loving and delighting in each other, before the black cloud of death enveloped us." On the contrary, then, so-called having many friends seems to do the opposite.
ἡ μὲν γὰρ συνάγει καὶ συνίστησι καὶ συνέχει καταπυκνοῦσα ταῖς ὁμιλίαις καὶ φιλοφροσύναις
"
ὡς δʼ ὅτʼ ὀπὸς γάλα λευκὸν ἐγόμφωσεν καὶ ἔδησε
"
κατʼ Ἐμπεδοκλέα τοιαύτην γὰρ ἡ φιλία βούλεται ποιεῖν ἑνότητα καὶ σύμπηξιν, ἡ δὲ πολυφιλία διίστησι καὶ ἀποσπᾷ καὶ ἀποστρέφει, τῷ μετακαλεῖν καὶ μεταφέρειν ἄλλοτε πρὸς ἄλλον οὐκ ἐῶσα κρᾶσιν οὐδὲ κόλλησιν εὐνοίας ἐν τῇ συνηθείᾳ περιχυθείσῃ καὶ παγείσῃ γενέσθαι.
For while friendship gathers, unites, and holds together by condensing through conversations and kind offices, "as when fig-juice binds and fastens white milk," according to Empedocles—for friendship wishes to make such unity and compaction—having many friends divides, pulls away, and turns aside, by calling away and transferring now to one and now to another, not allowing a mixing or clinging of goodwill to occur in intimacy when it has poured around and solidified.
τοῦτο δʼ εὐθὺς ὑποβάλλει καὶ τὴν περὶ τὰς ὑπουργίας ἀνωμαλίαν καὶ δυσωπίαν· τὰ γὰρ εὔχρηστα τῆς φιλίας δύσχρηστα γίγνεται διὰ τὴν πολυφιλίαν.
And this immediately suggests also the inequality and embarrassment concerning services; for the useful things of friendship become difficult to use because of having many friends.
"
ἄλλον τρόπον γὰρ ἄλλων ἐγείρει φροντὶς ἀνθρώπων
"
οὔτε γὰρ αἱ φύσεις ἡμῶν ἐπὶ ταὐτὰ ταῖς ὁρμαῖς ῥέπουσιν, οὔτε τύχαις ὁμοτρόποις ἀεὶ σύνεσμεν οἵ τε τῶν πράξεων καιροὶ καθάπερ τὰ πνεύματα τοὺς μὲν φέρουσι τοῖς δʼ ἀντιπίπτουσι.
"For the care of different men rouses them in different ways," for neither do our natures incline toward the same things in their impulses, nor are we always with identical fortunes, and the occasions of actions, like winds, carry some but strike against others.