§38irae atque iracundiae conscius sibi, utramque excusauit edicto distinxitque, pollicitus alteram quidem breuem et innoxiam, alteram non iniustam fore.
Conscious of his own anger and resentment, he excused both in an edict and distinguished between them, promising that the one would be short and harmless, the other not unjust.
Ostiensibus, quia sibi subeunti Tiberim scaphas obuiam non miserint, grauiter correptis eaque cum inuidia, ut in ordinem se coactum conscriberet, repente tantum non satis facientis modo ueniam dedit.
Having severely upbraided the people of Ostia because they had not sent boats to meet him as he entered the Tiber, and indeed with such resentment that he wrote that he had been reduced to the status of a private citizen, he suddenly granted them pardon, almost in the manner of one making amends.
quosdam in publico parum tempestiue adeuntis manu sua reppulit.
Some who approached him in public at an unseasonable time he pushed away with his own hand.
item scribam quaestorium itemque praetura functum senatorem inauditos et innoxios relegauit, quod ille aduersus priuatum se intemperantius affuisset, hic in aedilitate inquilinos praediorum suorum contra uetitum cocta uendentes multasset uilicumque interuenientem flagellasset.
Likewise, he relegated a quaestor's scribe and a senator of praetorian rank, unheard and innocent: because the former had appeared too impertinently against him when he was a private citizen, and the latter, during his aedileship, had fined the tenants of his estates for selling cooked food contrary to the prohibition, and had scourged his bailiff when he intervened.
qua de causa etiam coercitionem popinarum aedilibus ademit.
For which reason he also took away from the aediles the supervision of the cookshops.
Ac ne stultitiam quidem suam reticuit simulatamque a se ex industria sub Gaio, quod aliter euasurus peruenturusque ad susceptam stationem non fuerit, quibusdam oratiunculis testatus est; nec tamen persuasit, cum intra breue tempus liber editus sit, cui index erat μωρῶν ἐπανάστασισ, argumentum autem stultitiam neminem fingere.
And indeed he did not keep silent about his own stupidity, but testified in certain short speeches that it had been counterfeited by him on purpose under Gaius, because otherwise he would not have escaped and reached the position he had undertaken; yet he did not convince people, since within a short time a book was published, the title of which was "The Resurrection of Fools", and the argument of which was that no one feigns stupidity.
§39Inter cetera in eo mirati sunt homines et obliuionem et inconsiderantiam, uel ut Graece dicam, μετεωρίαν et ἀβλεψίαν.
Among other things, people wondered at his forgetfulness and thoughtlessness, or to use the Greek terms, "meteoria" and "ablepsia".
occisa Messalina, paulo post quam in triclinio decubuit, cur domina non ueniret requisiit.
When Messalina had been killed, shortly after he sat down in the dining room, he asked why the mistress was not coming.
multos ex iis, quos capite damnauerat, postero statim die et in consilium et ad aleae lusum admoneri iussit et, quasi morarentur, ut somniculosos per nuntium increpuit.
Many of those whom he had condemned to death, he ordered on the very next day to be invited both to his council and to a game of dice, and, as if they were delaying, rebuked them through a messenger as sleepy-headed.
ducturus contra fas Agrippinam uxorem, non cessauit omni oratione filiam et alumnam et in gremio suo natam atque educatam praedicare.
When he was about to marry Agrippina contrary to divine law, he did not cease in every speech to declare that she was his daughter, his foster-child, and born and brought up in his own lap.
adsciturus in nomen Neronem, quasi parum reprehenderetur, quod adulto iam filio priuignum adoptaret, identidem diuulgauit neminem umquam per adoptionem familiae Claudiae insertum.
When he was about to adopt Nero into his name, as if he were not sufficiently criticized for adopting a stepson when he already had a grown son, he repeatedly publicized that no one had ever been introduced into the Claudian family by adoption.
§40Sermonis uero rerumque tantam saepe neglegentiam ostendit, ut nec quis nec inter quos, quoue tempore ac loco uerba faceret, scire aut cogitare existimaretur.
Indeed, he often showed such great negligence in his speech and actions that he was thought not to know or consider who he was, or among whom, or at what time and place he was speaking.
cum de laniis ac uinariis ageretur, exclamauit in curia: 'rogo uos, quis potest sine offula uiuere?' descripsitque abundantiam ueterum tabernarum, unde solitus esset uinum olim et ipse petere.
When the business of butchers and wine-sellers was being discussed, he cried out in the senate house: "I ask you, who can live without a little snack?" and described the abundance of the old taverns, from which he himself had formerly been accustomed to seek wine.
de quaesturae quodam candidato inter causas suffragationis suae posuit, quod pater eius frigidam aegro sibi tempestiue dedisset.
Concerning a certain candidate for the quaestorship, he placed among the reasons for his support the fact that the candidate's father had timely given him cold water when he was sick.
inducta teste in senatu: 'haec,' inquit, 'matris meae liberta et ornatrix fuit, sed me patronum semper existimauit; hoc ideo dixi, quod quidam sunt adhuc in domo mea, qui me patronum non putant. ' sed et pro tribunali Ostiensibus quiddam publice orantibus cum excanduisset, nihil habere se uociferatus est, quare eos demereatur; si quem alium, et se liberum esse.
When a female witness was introduced in the senate, he said: "This woman was my mother's freedwoman and hairdresser, but she always regarded me as her patron; I have said this for the reason that there are still some in my household who do not think me their patron." Moreover, having lost his temper before the tribunal when the people of Ostia were publicly petitioning him, he cried out that he had no reason to oblige them; and that if anyone else was free, he was too.
nam illa eius cotidiana et plane omnium horarum et momentorum erant: 'quid, ego tibi Telegenius uideor?' et: λάλει καὶ μὴ θίγγανε, multaque talia etiam priuatis deformia, nedum principi, neque infacundo neque indocto, immo etiam pertinaciter liberalibus studiis dedito.
For those daily sayings of his, indeed of every hour and moment, were: "What, do I seem to you to be a Telegenius?" and "Speak, and do not touch," and many such things, disgraceful even for private citizens, let alone for a princeps, who was neither uneloquent nor unlearned, but on the contrary, persistently devoted to liberal studies.
§41Historiam in adulescentia hortante T. Liuio, Sulpicio uero Flauo etiam adiuuante, scribere adgressus est. et cum primum frequenti auditorio commisisset, aegre perlegit refrigeratus saepe a semet ipso.
Having attempted in his youth to write history, with Titus Livius encouraging him and Sulpicius Flavus even assisting him, and when he had first committed it to a crowded audience, he read it through with difficulty, having been frequently chilled by himself.
nam cum initio recitationis defractis compluribus subsellis obesitate cuiusdam risus exortus esset, ne sedato quidem tumultu temperare potuit, quin ex interuallo subinde facti reminisceretur cachinnosque reuocaret.
For when, at the beginning of the reading, a laugh arose because several benches were broken by the fatness of a certain man, he could not, even when the tumult was quieted, refrain from repeatedly remembering the incident from time to time and renewing his laughter.
in principatu quoque et scripsit plurimum et assidue recitauit per lectorem.
During his reign also he both wrote very much and constantly recited through a reader.
initium autem sumpsit historiae post caedem Caesaris dictatoris, sed et transiit ad inferiora tempora coepitque a pace ciuili, cum sentiret neque libere neque uere sibi de superioribus tradendi potestatem relictam, correptus saepe et a matre et ab auia.
He began his history, however, after the murder of Caesar the dictator, but he also passed over to later times and began from the civil peace, since he felt that the power of transmitting the earlier history freely and truly was not left to him, having been frequently chided by both his mother and his grandmother.
prioris materiae duo uolumina, posterioris unum et quadraginta reliquit.
Of the earlier subject-matter he left two volumes, of the later forty-one.
composuit et 'de uita sua' octo uolumina, magis inepte quam ineleganter; item 'Ciceronis defensionem aduersus Asini Galli libros' satis eruditam.
He also composed eight volumes "On His Own Life", more foolishly than inelegantly; likewise a "Defense of Cicero against the Books of Asinius Gallus", which was sufficiently learned.
nouas etiam commentus est litteras tres ac numero ueterum quasi maxime necessarias addidit; de quarum ratione cum priuatus adhuc uolumen edidisset, mox princeps non difficulter optinuit ut in usu quoque promiscuo essent.
He also invented three new letters and added them to the number of the old ones as if they were highly necessary; concerning the principle of which he had published a volume while still a private citizen, and soon as princeps he easily obtained that they should also be in common use.
extat talis scriptura in plerisque libris ac diurnis titulisque operum.
Such writing is extant in most books, daily records, and inscriptions on public works.