§31queri etiam palam de condicione temporum suorum solebat, quod nullis calamitatibus publicis insignirentur; Augusti principatum clade Variana, Tiberi ruina spectaculorum apud Fidenas memorabilem factum, suo obliuionem imminere prosperitate rerum; atque identidem exercituum caedes, famem, pestilentiam, incendia, hiatum aliquem terrae optabat.
He was also accustomed to complain openly of the condition of his times, that they were not distinguished by any public calamities; that the reign of Augustus had been made memorable by the Varian defeat, and that of Tiberius by the collapse of the amphitheater at Fidenae, while his own was threatened with oblivion because of the prosperity of affairs; and again and again he wished for the slaughter of armies, famine, pestilence, conflagrations, or some opening of the earth.
§32Animum quoque remittenti ludoque et epulis dedito eadem factorum dictorumque saeuitia aderat.
Even when relaxing his mind and devoted to play and banquets, the same cruelty of deeds and words was present.
saepe in conspectu prandentis uel comisantis seriae quaestiones per tormenta habebantur, miles decollandi artifex quibuscumque e custodia capita amputabat.
Often, in the presence of him as he dined or caroused, serious investigations by torture were held, and a soldier, an artist in beheading, cut off the heads of whoever were brought from custody.
Puteolis dedicatione pontis, quem excogitatum ab eo significauimus, cum multos e litore inuitasset ad se, repente omnis praecipitauit, quosdam gubernacula apprehendentes contis remisque detrusit in mare.
At Puteoli, at the dedication of the bridge which we have indicated was devised by him, when he had invited many from the shore to him, he suddenly threw them all headlong, and some who caught hold of the rudders he thrust back into the sea with poles and oars.
Romae publico epulo seruum ob detractam lectis argenteam laminam carnifici confestim tradidit, ut manibus abscisis atque ante pectus e collo pendentibus, praecedente titulo qui causam poenae indicaret, per coetus epulantium circumduceretur.
At Rome, at a public banquet, he immediately delivered a slave to the executioner for having torn off a silver plate from the couches, so that, with his hands cut off and hanging from his neck in front of his chest, preceded by a placard indicating the cause of the punishment, he might be led around among the crowds of banqueters.
murmillonem e ludo rudibus secum battuentem et sponte prostratum confodit ferrea sica ac more uictorum cum palma discucurrit.
A murmillo from the school, fencing with him with wooden swords and falling down of his own accord, he stabbed with a steel dagger, and ran around with a palm branch after the manner of victors.
admota altaribus uictima succinctus poparum habitu elato alte malleo cultrarium mactauit.
When a victim was brought to the altars, being girt in the habit of a victim-slayer, he raised the mallet high and slaughtered the priest who held the knife.
lautiore conuiuio effusus subito in cachinnos consulibus, qui iuxta cubabant, quidnam rideret blande quaerentibus: 'quid,' inquit, 'nisi uno meo nutu iugulari utrumque uestrum statim posse?' §33inter uarios iocos, cum assistens simulacro Iouis Apellen tragoedum consuluisset uter illi maior uideretur, cunctantem flagellis discidit conlaudans subinde uocem deprecantis quasi etiam in gemitu praedulcem.
At a rather splendid banquet, suddenly bursting into loud laughter, when the consuls, who were reclining next to him, asked him coaxingly what he was laughing at: "What," he said, "except that at my single nod both of you could be put to death immediately?" Among various jests, when standing by the statue of Jupiter he had consulted Apelles the tragic actor which of the two seemed greater to him, as the actor hesitated, he tore him with whips, praising from time to time the voice of him begging for mercy as extremely sweet even in his groaning.
quotiens uxoris uel amiculae collum exoscularetur, addebat: 'tam bona ceruix simul ac iussero demetur. ' quin et subinde iactabat exquisiturum se uel fidiculis de Caesonia sua, cur eam tanto opere diligeret.
As often as he kissed the neck of his wife or mistress, he would add: "So beautiful a neck will be cut off as soon as I command." Indeed, he even boasted from time to time that he would extract from his Caesonia, even by torture, why he loved her so much.
§34Nec minore liuore ac malignitate quam superbia saeuitiaque paene aduersus omnis aeui hominum genus grassatus est.
Nor did he rage with less envy and malice than pride and cruelty against almost the whole race of men of every age.
statuas uirorum inlustrium ab Augusto ex Capitolina area propter angustias in campum Martium conlatas ita subuertit atque disiecit ut restitui saluis titulis non potuerint, uetuitque posthac uiuentium cuiquam usquam statuam aut imaginem nisi consulto et auctore se poni.
The statues of illustrious men, which had been removed by Augustus from the Capitoline area to the Campus Martius on account of lack of space, he so threw down and shattered that they could not be restored with their inscriptions intact, and he forbade after this that a statue or bust of any living person should be set up anywhere except with his consultation and permission.
cogitauit etiam de Homeri carminibus abolendis, cur enim sibi non licere dicens, quod Platoni licuisset, qui eum e ciuitate quam constituebat eiecerit? sed et Vergili ac Titi Liui scripta et imagines paulum afuit quin ex omnibus bibliothecis amoueret, quorum alterum ut nullius ingenii minimaeque doctrinae, alterum ut uerbosum in historia neglegentemque carpebat.
He also thought of abolishing the poems of Homer, asking why it should not be permitted to him as it had been to Plato, who had banished him from the state which he was establishing. But he also came within a little of removing the writings and busts of Virgil and Titus Livius from all libraries, carping at the former as of no genius and very little learning, and the latter as verbose and careless in history.
de iuris quoque consultis, quasi scientiae eorum omnem usum aboliturus, saepe iactauit se mehercule effecturum ne quid respondere possint praeter eum.
Concerning also the jurisconsults, as if about to abolish all use of their knowledge, he often boasted that by Hercules he would bring it about that they could give no answer except in accordance with him.
§35uetera familiarum insignia nobilissimo cuique ademit, Torquato torquem, Cincinnato crinem, Cn. Pompeio stirpis antiquae Magni cognomen.
He took away the ancient family insignia from the most noble men: from Torquatus his collar, from Cincinnatus his lock of hair, and from Gnaeus Pompeius, of ancient stock, the surname of Magnus.
Ptolemaeum, de quo rettuli, et arcessitum e regno et exceptum honorifice, non alia de causa repente percussit, quam quod edente se munus ingressum spectacula conuertisse hominum oculos fulgore purpureae abollae animaduertit.
Ptolemy, of whom I have spoken, both summoned from his kingdom and received honorably, he suddenly put to death for no other reason than because, when he entered the spectacles while he himself was giving a show, he noticed that the eyes of the people turned to him by the splendor of his purple cloak.
pulchros et comatos, quotiens sibi occurrerent, occipitio raso deturpabat.
The beautiful and long-haired, as often as they met him, he disfigured by shaving the back of their heads.
erat Aesius Proculus patre primipilari, ob egregiam corporis amplitudinem et speciem Colosseros dictus; hunc spectaculis detractum repente et in harenam deductum Thraeci et mox hoplomacho comparauit bisque uictorem constringi sine mora iussit et pannis obsitum uicatim circumduci ac mulieribus ostendi, deinde iugulari.
There was Aesius Proculus, whose father had been a chief centurion, called Colosseros on account of his extraordinary size of body and handsome appearance; him, suddenly dragged from the spectacles and brought down into the arena, he matched against a Thracian and soon against a hoplomachus, and when he was twice victorious, ordered him to be bound without delay, clothed in rags, led around through the streets and shown to the women, and then to be put to death.
nullus denique tam abiectae condicionis tamque extremae sortis fuit, cuius non commodis obtrectaret.
Finally, there was no one of so low a condition and so extreme a fortune, whose advantages he did not envy.
Nemorensi regi, quod multos iam annos poteretur sacerdotio, ualidiorem aduersarium subornauit.
For the King of Nemi, because he had now for many years held his priesthood, he suborned a stronger adversary.
cum quodam die muneris essedario Porio post prosperam pugnam seruum suum manumittenti studiosius plausum esset, ita proripuit se spectaculis, ut calcata lacinia togae praeceps per gradus iret, indignabundus et clamitans dominum gentium populum ex re leuissima plus honoris gladiatori tribuentem quam consecratis principibus aut praesenti sibi.
When on a certain day of a show, the charioteer Porius, after a successful fight, was applauded rather enthusiastically as he manumitted his slave, Caligula rushed out from the spectacles so violently that, treading on the hem of his toga, he went headlong down the steps, full of indignation and shouting that the people, the masters of nations, were paying more honor to a gladiator for a most trifling thing than to consecrated emperors or to his present self.