For this reason, no one bathes with Boccar in Rome, which even keeps people safe from black serpents.
§5.92Mullus erit domini, quem misit Corsica vel quem §5.93Tauromenitanae rupes, quando omne peractum est §5.94et iam defecit nostrum mare, dum gula saevit, §5.95retibus adsiduis penitus scrutante macello §5.96proxima, nec patimur Tyrrhenum crescere piscem, §5.97instruit ergo focum provincia, sumitur illinc §5.98quod captator emat Laenas, Aurelia vendat.
The master will have a mullet, which Corsica sent, or which the cliffs of Tauromenium sent, since all of our own has been exhausted and our sea has now failed while gluttony rages, with the market thoroughly searching nearby waters with constant nets, and we do not allow the Tyrrhenian fish to grow; therefore the province equips the kitchen, and from there is taken what the legacy-hunter Laenas might buy, and Aurelia sell.
§5.99Virroni muraena datur, quae maxima venit §5.100gurgite de Siculo; nam dum se continet Auster, §5.101dum sedet et siccat madidas in carcere pinnas, §5.102contemnunt mediam temeraria lina Charybdim.
To Virro is given a moray eel, which came at its largest from the Sicilian gulf; for while the South wind restrains itself, while he sits and dries his wet wings in prison, audacious nets despise the middle of Charybdis.
§5.103vos anguilla manet longae cognata colubrae, §5.104aut glacie aspersus maculis Tiberinus, et ipse §5.105vernula riparum, pinguis torrente cloaca. §5.106et solitus mediae cryptam penetrare Suburae.
For you remains an eel, a relative of the long snake, or a Tiber-fish sprinkled with spots from ice, and itself a native slave of the riverbanks, fattened by the rushing sewer, and accustomed to penetrating the crypt of the middle Subura.
§5.107Ipsi pauca velim, facilem si praebeat aurem.
I would like to say a few words to the master himself, if he would lend a receptive ear.
§5.108‘nemo petit, modicis quae mittebantur amicis §5.109a Seneca, quae Piso bonus, quae Cotta solebat §5.110largiri; namque et titulis et fascibus olim
'No one asks for what used to be sent to modest friends by Seneca, what good Piso, what Cotta used to bestow; for once, the glory of giving was considered greater than both titles and consular fasces.
§5.111maior habebatur donandi gloria, solum §5.112poscimus ut cenes civiliter, hoc face et esto, §5.113esto, ut nunc multi, dives tibi, pauper amicis. ’ §5.114Anseris ante ipsum magni iecur, anseribus par §5.115altilis, et flavi dignus ferro Meleagri §5.116spumat aper.
We only ask that you dine like a fellow citizen; do this, and be— be, as many are now, rich to yourself, poor to your friends.' Before him is the liver of a great goose, a fattened bird equal to geese, and a boar worthy of the steel of golden-haired Meleager foams.
After this, truffles will be served, if it is spring then, and the desired thunders make dinners greater.
tibi habe frumentum,
Alledius inquit, §5.119o Libye, disiunge boves, dum tubera mittas. §5.120Structorem interea, nequa indignatio desit, §5.121saltantem spectes et chironomunta volanti §5.122cultello, donec peragat dictata magistri §5.123omnia; nec minimo sane discrimine refert, §5.124quo gestu lepores et quo gallina secetur.
'Keep your grain for yourself, O Libya,' says Alledius, 'unyoke your oxen, as long as you send truffles.' Meanwhile, lest any indignation be lacking, you may watch the carver dancing and gesturing with a flying knife, until he completes all the instructions of his master; nor indeed does it matter with the slightest difference with what gesture hares and with what a hen is carved.
§5.125duceris planta velut ictus ab Hercule Cacus §5.126et ponere foris, si quid temptaveris umquam §5.127hiscere, tamquam habeas tria nomina, quando propinat
You will be dragged by the foot, like Cacus beaten by Hercules, and thrown outside, if you ever attempt to mutter anything, as if you had three names.
§5.128Virro tibi, sumitve tuis contacta labellis
When does Virro drink to you, or take a cup touched by your lips?
§5.129pocula? quis vestrum temerarius usque adeo, quis §5.130perditus, ut dicat regi
bibe
? plurima sunt quae
Who among you is so reckless, who so ruined, as to say to the patron 'Drink'?
§5.131non audent homines perfusa dicere laena.
There are very many things which men wearing a worn cloak do not dare to say.
§5.132quadringenta tibi si quis deus aut similis dis §5.133et melior fatis donaret homuncio, quantus, §5.134ex nihilo, quantus fieres Virronis amicus!
If some god, or a little man like the gods and better than the fates, should gift you four hundred thousand, how great, from nothing, how great a friend of Virro you would become!
§5.135‘da Trebio, pone ad Trebium.
'Give to Trebius, set before Trebius.
vis, frater, ab ipsis §5.136ilibus?’ o nummi, vobis hunc praestat honorem, §5.137vos estis fratres, dominus tamen et domini rex
Would you like, brother, some of these entrails?' O money, to you he pays this honor, you are the brothers.
§5.138si vis tu fieri, nullus tibi parvolus aula §5.139luserit Aeneas nec filia dulcior illo; §5.140iucundum et carum sterilis facit uxor amicum.
Yet if you wish to become a master yourself and the patron of a master, let no little Aeneas play in your hall, nor a daughter sweeter than him; a sterile wife makes a pleasant and dear friend.
§5.141sed tua nunc Mycale pariat licet et pueros tres §5.142in gremium patris fundat semel, ipse loquaci §5.143gaudebit nido, viridem thoraca iubebit §5.144adferri minimasque nuces assemque rogatum, §5.145ad mensam quotiens parasitus venerit infans.
But though your Mycale should now give birth and pour three boys at once into their father's lap, he himself will rejoice in the talkative nest; he will order a green waistcoat to be brought, and tiny nuts and the requested penny, whenever the parasite infant comes to his table.
§5.146Vilibus ancipites fungi ponentur amicis, §5.147boletus domino, set quales Claudius edit §5.148ante illum uxoris, post quem nihil amplius edit.
Cheap, doubtful mushrooms will be set before cheap friends, a bolete for the master—but such as Claudius ate before his wife's, after which he ate nothing more.
§5.149Virro sibi et reliquis Virronibus illa iubebit §5.150poma dari, quorum solo pascaris odore, §5.151qualia perpetuus Phaeacum autumnus habebat, §5.152credere quae possis subrepta sororibus Afris:
Virro will order those fruits to be given to himself and the other Virros, of whom you may feed on the smell alone, such as the eternal autumn of the Phaeacians possessed, which you might believe were stolen from the African sisters.
§5.153tu scabie frueris mali, quod in aggere rodit §5.154qui tegitur parma et galea, metuensque flagelli §5.155discit ab hirsuta iaculum torquere capella.
You will enjoy a scabby apple, such as on the rampart is gnawed by one who is covered with shield and helmet, and, fearing the whip, learns to hurl the javelin from a hairy goat.
Perhaps you believe that Virro is sparing of expense; he does this so that you may grieve.
nam quae comoedia, mimus §5.158quis melior plorante gula? ergo omnia fiunt,
For what comedy, what mime is better than a weeping throat?
Therefore all this is done, if you do not know, so that you may be forced to pour out your bile in tears and to gnash your teeth with tightly pressed molars for a long time.
§5.161tu tibi liber homo et regis conviva videris: §5.162captum te nidore suae putat ille culinae; §5.163nec male coniectat: quis enim tam nudus, ut illum
You seem to yourself a free man and a guest of the patron; he thinks that you are captured by the smell of his kitchen; nor does he guess badly.
For who is so naked as to endure him twice, if the Etruscan gold fell to him as a boy, or even just the knot and sign from a poor leather strap?
§5.166spes bene cenandi vos decipit: ‘ecce dabit iam §5.167semesum leporem atque aliquid de clunibus apri, §5.168ad nos iam veniet minor altilis. ’ inde parato §5.169intactoque omnes et stricto pane tacetis.
The hope of dining well deceives you: 'Look, now he will give the half-eaten hare, and something from the boar's flanks; now the smaller fattened bird will come to us.' Then, with prepared and untouched and drawn bread, you all keep silent.
He is wise who treats you thus; if you can bear all things, indeed you ought to.