§99.17Sequitur nos ut in aliis rebus, ita in hac quoque hoc vitium, ad plurium exempla componi nec quid oporteat, sed quid soleat, aspicere.
This vice follows us, as in other matters, so also in this one: to be fashioned according to the examples of the majority, and to look not at what is proper, but at what is customary.
A natura discedimus, populo nos damus nullius rei bono auctori et in hac re sicut in aliis omnibus inconstantissimo.
We depart from nature, we surrender ourselves to the crowd, which is the promoter of nothing good and, in this matter as in all others, most inconsistent.
videt aliquem fortem in luctu suo: impium vocat et efferatum; videt aliquem conlabentem et corpori adfusum: effeminatum ait et enervem.
It sees someone strong in his grief: it calls him impious and savage; it sees someone collapsing and prostrated over the body: it calls him effeminate and weak.
§99.18Omnia itaque ad rationem revocanda sunt.
All things, therefore, must be recalled to reason.
Stultius vero nihil est quam famam captare tristitiae et lacrimas adprobare, quas iudico sapienti viro alias permissas cadere, alias vi sua latas.
But nothing is more foolish than to hunt for a reputation of sadness and to approve tears, which I judge, even for a wise man, are at one time permitted to fall, and at another brought by their own force.
"Dicam quid intersit.
I will tell you what the difference is.
Cum primus nos nuntius acerbi funeris perculit, cum tenemus corpus e complexu nostro in ignem transiturum, lacrimas naturalis necessitas exprimit et spiritus ictu doloris inpulsus quemadmodum totum corpus quatit, ita oculos, quibus adiacentem umorem perpremit et expellit.
When the first news of a bitter death has struck us, when we hold the body that is about to pass from our embrace into the fire, a natural necessity squeezes out tears, and the breath, shaken by the blow of grief, just as it shakes the whole body, so also shakes the eyes, from which it presses and expels the adjacent moisture.
§99.19Hae lacrimae per elisionem cadunt nolentibus nobis; aliae sunt, quibus exitum damus, cum memoria eorum, quos amisimus, retractatur.
These tears fall through squeezing, against our will; there are others to which we give passage when the memory of those whom we have lost is recalled.
Et inest quiddam dulce tristitiae, cum occurrunt sermones eorum iucundi, conversatio hilaris, officiosa pietas; tunc oculi velut in gaudio relaxantur.
And there is a certain sweetness in sadness, when their pleasant conversations, cheerful company, and dutiful affection occur to us; then the eyes are relaxed as if in joy.
His indulgemus, illis vincimur.
To the latter we indulge, by the former we are overcome.
§99.20"Non est itaque, quod lacrimas propter circulum adstantem adsidentemque aut contineas aut exprimas; nec cessant nec fluunt umquam tam turpiter quam fmguntur; eant sua sponte.
There is no reason, therefore, for you either to restrain or to squeeze out tears on account of the crowd standing and sitting around; they never cease or flow so shamefully as when they are feigned; let them go of their own accord.
Ire autem possunt placidis atque compositis.
But they can go even for those who are calm and composed.
Saepe salva sapientis auctoritate fluxerunt tanto temperamento, ut illis nec humanitas nec dignitas deesset.
Often, with the wise man's authority preserved, they have flowed with such moderation that neither humanity nor dignity was lacking in them.
Licet, inquam, naturae obsequi gravitate servata.
It is permitted, I say, to obey nature while maintaining gravity.
§99.21Vidi ego in funere suorum verendos, in quorum ore amor eminebat remota omni lugentium scaena, nihil erat nisi quod veris dabatur adfectibus.
I myself have seen at the funeral of their loved ones men worthy of respect, in whose faces love was prominent, with all the theatrical display of mourners removed; there was nothing except what was given to true emotions.
Est aliquis et dolendi decor; hic sapienti servandus est et quemadmodum in ceteris rebus, ita etiam in lacrimis aliquid sat est; inprudentium ut gaudia sic dolores exundavere.
There is also a certain beauty in mourning; this must be preserved by the wise man, and just as in all other things, so also in tears, something is enough; the griefs, like the joys, of the foolish have overflowed.
§99.22"Aequo animo excipe necessaria.
Accept what is inevitable with an even mind.
Quid incredibile, quid novum evenit? Quam multis cum maxime funus locatur, quam multis vitalia emuntur, quam multi post luctum tuum lugent! Quotiens cogitaveris puerum fuisse, cogita et hominem, cui nihil certi promittitur, quem fortuna non utique perducit ad senectutem; unde visum est, dimittit.
What incredible, what new thing has happened? For how many is a funeral being arranged at this very moment, for how many are grave-clothes being bought, how many are mourning after your mourning! Whenever you think that he was a boy, think also that he was a man, to whom nothing certain is promised, whom fortune does not by all means lead to old age; from where it has seemed good, she dismisses him.
§99.23Ceterum frequenter de illo loquere et memoriam eius, quantum potes, celebra.
Moreover, speak of him frequently and celebrate his memory as much as you can.
Quae ad te saepius revertetur, si erit sine acerbitate ventura; nemo enim libenter tristi conversatur, nedum tristitiae.
It will return to you more often if it is to come without bitterness; for no one associates willingly with a sad person, much less with sadness itself.
Si quos sermones eius, si quos quamvis parvoli iocos cum voluptate audieras, saepius repete; potuisse illum implere spes tuas, quas paterna mente conceperas, audacter adfirma.
If you had heard with pleasure any of his conversations, or any of his jokes, however small he was, repeat them often; assert boldly that he could have fulfilled your hopes, which you had conceived with a father's mind.
§99.24Oblivisci quidem suorum ac memoriam cum corporibus efferre et effusissime flere, meminisse parcissime,—inhumani animi est.
To forget indeed one's own people, and to carry out their memory together with their bodies, and to weep most effusively while remembering most sparingly—this is the mark of an inhuman mind.
Sic aves, sic ferae suos diligunt, quarum concitatus est amor et paene rabidus, sed cum amissis totus extinguitur.
Thus birds, thus wild beasts love their young; their love is excited and almost mad, but it is completely extinguished when they are lost.
Hoc prudentem virum non decet; meminisse perseveret, lugere desinat.
This does not befit a wise man; let him persevere in remembering, let him cease to mourn.