§78.1Vexari te destillationibus crebris ac febriculis, quae longas destillationes et in consuetudinem adductas secuntur, eo molestius mihi est, quia expertus sum hoc genus valetudinis, quod inter initia contempsi; poterat adhuc adulescentia iniurias ferre et se adversus morbos contumaciter gerere.
That you are troubled by frequent catarrhs and slight fevers, which follow long-continued and habitual catarrhs, is the more painful to me because I have experienced this kind of illness, which in its early stages I despised; youth was still able to bear the injuries and to behave defiantly against diseases.
Deinde succubui et eo perductus sum, ut ipse destillarem ad summam maciem deductus.
Then I succumbed and was brought to such a point that I myself dripped with catarrh, having been reduced to extreme thinness.
§78.2Saepe impetum cepi abrumpendae vitae; patris me indulgentissimi senectus retinuit.
I often formed the impulse of putting an end to my life; the old age of my most indulgent father held me back.
Cogitavi enim non quam fortiter ego mori possem, sed quam ille fortiter desiderare non posset.
For I thought not how bravely I could die, but how little he would be able bravely to bear my loss.
Itaque imperavi mihi, ut viverem.
And so I commanded myself to live.
Aliquando enim et vivere fortiter facere est.
For sometimes even to live is an act of bravery.
§78.3Quae mihi tunc fuerint solacio dicam, si prius hoc dixero, haec ipsa, quibus adquiescebam, medicinae vim habuisse.
I shall tell you what was then a consolation to me, if I first say this: that these very things in which I found rest had the force of medicine.
In remedium cedunt honesta solacia, et quicquid animum erexit, etiam corpori prodest.
Noble consolations turn into a remedy, and whatever has cheered the mind is also of benefit to the body.
Studia mihi nostra saluti fuerunt.
Our studies were my salvation.
Philosophiae acceptum fero, quod surrexi, quod convalui.
I attribute it to philosophy that I got up and recovered.
Illi vitam debeo et nihil illi minus debeo.
I owe my life to her, and I owe her nothing less than that.
§78.4Multum mihi contulerunt ad bonam valetudinem amici, quorum adhortationibus, vigiliis, sermonibus adlevabar.
My friends contributed much to my good health, by whose encouragements, vigils, and conversations I was relieved.
Nihil aeque, Lucili, virorum optime, aegrum reficit atque adiuvat quam amicorum adfectus; nihil aeque expectationem mortis ac metum subripit.
Nothing, Lucilius, best of men, so refreshes and helps a sick man as the affection of his friends; nothing so steals away the expectation and fear of death.
Non iudicabam me, cum illos superstites relinquerent mori.
I did not judge myself to be dying when I left them surviving.
Putabam, inquam, me victurum non cum illis, sed per illos.
I thought, I say, that I would live not with them, but through them.
Non effundere mihi spiritum videbar, sed tradere.
I seemed to myself not to pour out my breath, but to hand it over.
Haec mihi dederunt voluntatem adiuvandi me et patiendi omne tormentum; alioqui miserrimum est, cum animum moriendi proieceris, non habere vivendi.
These things gave me the will to help myself and to suffer every torment; otherwise, it is most wretched, when you have cast away the desire of dying, not to have that of living.
§78.5Ad haec ergo remedia te confer.
Betake yourself therefore to these remedies.
Medicus tibi quantum ambules, quantum exercearis, monstrabit; ne indulgeas otio, ad quod vergit iners valetudo; ut legas clarius et spiritum, cuius iter ac receptaculum laborat, exerceas; ut naviges et viscera molli iactatione concutias; quibus cibis utaris, vinum quando virium causa advoces, quando intermittas, ne inritet et exasperet tussim.
The doctor will show you how much you should walk, how much you should exercise; do not indulge in idleness, towards which inactive health inclines; that you should read more clearly and exercise your breath, whose passage and receptacle are struggling; that you should sail and shake your viscera with gentle tossing; what foods you should use, when you should summon wine for the sake of strength, and when you should omit it, lest it irritate and worsen your cough.
Ego tibi illud praecipio, quod non tantum huius morbi, sed totius vitae remedium est: contemne mortem.
I prescribe to you that which is a remedy not only for this disease, but for your whole life: despise death.
Nihil triste est, cum huius metum effugimus.
Nothing is grim when we have escaped the fear of it.
§78.6Tria haec in omni morbo gravia sunt: metus mortis, dolor corporis, intermissio voluptatum.
These three things are heavy in every disease: fear of death, bodily pain, interruption of pleasures.
De morte satis dictum est; hoc unum dicam, non morbi hunc esse sed naturae metum Multorum mortem distulit morbus et saluti illis fuit videri perire.
Of death enough has been said; I shall say this one thing, that this is not the fear of disease, but of nature. Disease has postponed the death of many, and it has been a salvation to them to seem to perish.
Morieris, non quia aegrotas, sed quia vivis.
You will die, not because you are sick, but because you live.
Ista te res et sanatum manet; cum convalueris, non mortem, sed valetudinem effugies.
That destiny awaits you even when cured; when you have recovered, you will escape not death, but ill health.
§78.7Ad illud nunc proprium incommodum revertamur: magnos cruciatus habet morbus.
Let us now return to that peculiar inconvenience: disease has great tortures.
Sed hos tolerabiles intervalla faciunt.
But intervals make these tolerable.
Nam summi doloris intentio invenit finem.
For the intensity of the greatest pain finds an end.
Nemo potest valde dolere et diu; sic nos amantissima nostri natura disposuit, ut dolorem aut tolerabilem aut brevem faceret.
No one can suffer intensely and long; nature, most loving of us, has so disposed us as to make pain either tolerable or brief.
§78.8Maximi dolores consistunt in macerrimis corporis partibus; nervi articulique et quicquid aliud exile est, acerrime saevit, eum in arto vitia concepit.
The greatest pains consist in the thinnest parts of the body; nerves, joints, and whatever other thin part there is, rage most fiercely when they have conceived disease in a narrow space.
Sed cito hae partes obstupescunt et ipso dolore sensum doloris amittunt, sive quia spiritus naturali prohibitus cursu et mutatus in peius vim suam, qua viget admonetque nos, perdit, sive quia corruptus umor, cum desiit habere, quo confluat, ipse se elidit et iis, quae nimis implevit, excutit sensum.
But quickly these parts grow numb and by the pain itself lose the sense of pain, whether because the breath, hindered from its natural course and changed for the worse, loses its power by which it thrives and admonishes us, or because the corrupted fluid, when it has ceased to have a place to flow, is squeezed itself and shakes out the sense from those parts which it has overfilled.
§78.9Sic podagra et cheragra et omnis vertebrarum dolor nervorumque interquiescit, cum illa, quae torquebat, hebetavit; omnium istorum prima verminatio vexat, impetus mora extinguitur et finis dolendi est optorpuisse.
Thus gout in the feet and in the hands, and all pain of the vertebrae and nerves, rests when it has numbed those parts which it was torturing; the first itching of all these vexes, but the onset is extinguished by delay, and the end of pain is to have grown numb.
Dentium, oculorum, aurium dolor ob hoc ipsum acutissimus est, quod inter angusta corporis nascitur, non minus, mehercule, quam capitis ipsius; sed si incitatior est, in alienationem soporemque convertitur.
Pain of teeth, eyes, and ears is most acute for this very reason, that it is born among the narrow parts of the body, no less, by Hercules, than of the head itself; but if it is more violent, it turns into distraction and sleep.
§78.10Hoc itaque solacium vasti doloris est, quod necesse est desinas illum sentire, si nimis senseris.
This, therefore, is the consolation of vast pain: that you must cease to feel it if you have felt it excessively.
Illud autem est, quod imperitos in vexatione corporis male habet: non adsueverunt animo esse contenti.
But this is what affects the ignorant ill in the vexation of the body: they are not accustomed to be content in mind.
Multum illis cum corpore fuit.
They have had much to do with the body.
Ideo vir magnus ac prudens animum diducit a corpore et multum cum meliore ac divina parte versatur, cum hac querula et fragili quantum necesse est.
Therefore, a great and wise man separates his mind from the body, and associates much with the better and divine part, and with this complaining and fragile part only as much as is necessary.