§26.1Modo dicebam tibi, in conspectu esse me senectutis; iam vereor, ne senectutem post me reliquerim.
Just now I was telling you that I was in the sight of old age; now I fear lest I have left old age behind me.
Aliud iam his annis, certe huic corpori, vocabulum convenit, quoniam quidem senectus lassae aetatis, non fractae, nomen est; inter decrepitos me numera et extrema tangentis.
Another name now suits these years, or at least this body, since indeed old age is the name of a weary age, not a broken one; count me among the decrepit and those touching the end.
§26.2Gratias tamen mihi apud te ago; non sentio in animo aetatis iniuriam, cum sentiam in corpore.
Yet I give thanks to myself in your presence; I do not feel the injury of age in my mind, though I feel it in my body.
Tantum vitia et vitiorum ministeria senuerunt; viget animus et gaudet non multum sibi esse cum corpore.
Only my vices and the services of my vices have grown old; my mind is vigorous and rejoices that it does not have much to do with the body.
Magnam partem oneris sui posuit.
It has laid down a great part of its burden.
Exultat et mihi facit controversiam de senectute.
It exults and starts a dispute with me about old age.
Hunc ait esse florem suum.
It says that this is its flower.
§26.3Credamus illi; bono suo utatur.
Let us believe it; let it use its own good.
Ire in cogitationem iubet et dispicere, quid ex hac tranquillitate ac modestia morum sapientiae debeam, quid aetati, et diligenter excutere, quae non possim facere, quae nolim †prodesse habiturus ad qui si nolim quidquid non posse me gaudeo†.
It bids me enter into reflection and discern what I owe to wisdom from this peace and moderation of character, what to my age, and to examine carefully what things I cannot do, what I do not wish to do, †and that, if I do not wish to do it, I rejoice that I am unable to do whatever it is†.
Quae enim querella est, quod incommodum, si quidquid debebat desinere, defecit?"
For what complaint is there, what inconvenience, if whatever ought to have come to an end has failed?
§26.4Incommodum summum est," inquis, "minui et deperire et, ut proprie dicam, liquescere.
"It is the greatest inconvenience," you say, "to be diminished and to perish and, to speak properly, to melt away.
Non enim subito inpulsi ac prostrati sumus; carpimur.
For we are not suddenly struck and prostrated; we are plucked away.
Singuli dies aliquid subtrahunt viribus. "
Ecquis exitus est melior quam in finem suum natura solvente dilabi? Non quia aliquid mali est ictus et e vita repentinus excessus, sed quia lenis haec est via, subduci.
Single days subtract something from our strength." Is any end better than to glide away into one's own end as nature dissolves us? Not because a blow and sudden departure from life is something evil, but because this is a gentle way, to be withdrawn.
Ego certe, velut adpropinquet experimentum et ille laturus sententiam de omnibus annis meis dies venerit, ita me observo et adloquor: §26.5"Nihil est," inquam, "adhuc, quod aut rebus aut verbis exhibuimus.
I certainly, as if the trial were approaching and that day has come which will pass judgment on all my years, observe and address myself in this way: "It is nothing," I say, "which we have shown so far either in deeds or in words.
Levia sunt ista et fallacia pignora animi multisque involuta lenociniis; quid profecerim, morti crediturus sum.
Those are light and deceptive pledges of the mind, wrapped in many allurements; how much progress I have made, I am about to entrust to death.
Non timide itaque conponor ad illum diem, quo remotis strophis ac fucis de me iudicaturus sum, utrum loquar fortia an sentiam, numquid simulatio fuerit et mimus, quicquid contra fortunam iactavi verborum contumacium.
Therefore, I compose myself without fear for that day on which, with tricks and cosmetics removed, I shall judge about myself, whether I speak brave things or feel them, and whether whatever defiant words I have tossed against fortune were a pretense and a mime.
§26.6Remove existimationem hominum; dubia semper est et in partem utramque dividitur.
Remove the opinion of men; it is always doubtful and divided on both sides.
Remove studia tota vita tractata; mors de te pronuntiatura est.
Remove the studies pursued through all life; death is about to pronounce concerning you.
Ita dico: disputationes et litterata conloquia et ex praeceptis sapientium verba collecta et eruditus sermo non ostendunt verum robur animi.
Thus I say: discussions and literary conversations and words collected from the precepts of the wise and learned discourse do not show the true strength of the mind.
Est enim oratio etiam timidissimis audax.
For speech is bold even for the most timid.
Quid egeris, tunc apparebit, cum animam ages. Accipio condicionem, non reformido iudicium. "
What you have done will appear then, when you are drawing your last breath.
§26.7Haec mecum loquor, sed tecum quoque me locutum puta.
I accept the condition, I do not shrink from the judgment." I speak these things with myself, but think that I have spoken them with you as well.
Iuvenior es;
You are younger; what does it matter?
quid refert? Non dinumerantur anni.
Years are not counted.
Incertum est, quo loco te mors expectet; itaque tu illam omni loco expecta.
It is uncertain in what place death awaits you; therefore, do you await it in every place.
§26.8Desinere iam volebam et manus spectabat ad clausulam; sed conficienda sunt sacra et huic epistulae viaticum dandum est.
I wanted to stop now, and my hand was looking toward the conclusion; but the sacred rites must be completed and a traveling allowance must be given to this letter.
Puta me non dicere, unde sumpturus sum mutuum: scis cuius arca utar.
Assume that I do not say where I am about to borrow; you know whose chest I use.
Expecta me pusillum, et de domo fiet numeratio; interim commodabit Epicurus, qui ait: "Meditare mortem "vel si commodius sit "transire ad deos. " §26.9Hic patet sensus: egregia res est mortem condiscere.
Wait for me a little, and payment will be made from my own house; meanwhile Epicurus will lend, who says: "Meditate upon death," or if it is more convenient, "to pass over to the gods." Here the meaning is clear: it is an excellent thing to learn thoroughly how to die.
Supervacuum forsitan putas id discere, quod semel utendum est.
Perhaps you think it superfluous to learn that which must be used only once.
Hoc est ipsum, quare meditari debeamus; semper discendum est, quod an sciamus, experiri non possumus. "
This is the very reason why we ought to meditate; we must always learn that which we cannot test whether we know.
§26.10Meditare mortem"; qui hoc dicit, meditari libertatem iubet.
"Meditate upon death"; he who says this bids us meditate upon freedom.
Qui mori didicit, servire dedidicit; supra omnem potentiam est, certe extra omnem.
He who has learned to die has unlearned to serve; he is above all power, certainly outside of all.
Quid ad illum carcer et custodia et claustra? Liberum ostium habet.
What to him are prison, guard, and bolts? He has a free door.
Una est catena, quae nos alligatos tenet, amor vitae, qui ut non est abiciendus, ita minuendus est, ut si quando res exiget, nihil nos detineat nec inpediat, quo minus parati simus, quod quandoque faciendum est, statim facere.
There is only one chain which keeps us bound, the love of life, which just as it is not to be cast away, so must be diminished, so that if ever circumstances demand, nothing may detain us or prevent us from being prepared to do immediately what must be done at some time.
VALE.
FAREWELL.