§104.1In Nomentanum meum fugi, quid putas? Urbem? Immo febrem et quidem subrepentem.
I fled to my villa at Nomentum, what do you think? From the city? No, rather from a fever, and indeed a creeping one.
Iam manum mihi iniecerat.
Already it had laid its hand upon me.
Medicus initia esse dicebat motis venis et incertis et naturalem turbantibus modum.
The doctor said that these were the beginnings, with my veins being agitated and irregular, and disturbing their natural measure.
Protinus itaque parari vehiculum iussi; Paulina mea retinente exire perseveravi;
Therefore, I immediately ordered a carriage to be prepared; in spite of my Paulina trying to hold me back, I persisted in leaving.
illud mihi ore erat domini mei Gallionis, qui cum in Achaia febrem habere coepisset, protinus navem ascendit clamitans non corporis esse, sed loci morbum.
That saying of my master Gallio was on my lips, who, when he had begun to have a fever in Achaia, immediately went on board a ship, shouting that it was not a disease of the body, but of the place.
§104.2Hoc ego Paulinae meae dixi, quae mihi valitudinem meam commendat.
This I said to my Paulina, who commends my health to me.
Nam cum sciam spiritum illius in meo verti, incipio, ut illi consulam, mihi consulere.
For since I know that her breath depends on mine, I begin to care for myself in order to care for her.
Et cum me fortiorem senectus ad multa reddiderit, hoc beneficium aetatis amitto, venit enim mihi in mentem, in hoc sene et adulescentem esse, cui parcitur.
And although old age has made me stronger in many things, I lose this benefit of my time of life; for it comes into my mind that in this old man there is also a young person who is being spared.
Itaque quoniam ego ab illa non impetro, ut me fortius amet, a me impetrat illa, ut me diligentius amem.
Therefore, since I do not obtain from her that she love me more strongly, she obtains from me that I love myself more carefully.
§104.3Indulgendum est enim honestis adfectibus; et interdum, etiam si premunt causae, spiritus in honorem suorum vel cum tormento revocandus et in ipso ore retinendus est, cum bono viro vivendum sit non quamdiu iuvat sed quamdiu See Acts xviii. 11 ff. , and Duff, Three Dialogues of Seneca, p. xliii.
For one must yield to honorable affections; and sometimes, even if pressing reasons urge us, the breath must be recalled for the sake of one's loved ones, even with torment, and held back in the mouth itself, since a good man ought to live not as long as he pleases, but as long as See Acts xviii. 11 ff., and Duff, Three Dialogues of Seneca, p. xliii.
oportet.
he ought.
Ille, qui non uxorem, non amicum tanti putat, ut diutius in vita commoretur, qui perseverabit mori, delicatus est.
He who does not value his wife or his friend so highly as to linger longer in life, and who persists in dying, is self-indulgent.
Hoc quoque imperet sibi animus, ubi utilitas suorum exigit, nec tantum, si vult mori, sed si coepit, intermittat et suis se commodet.
Let the mind also command this to itself when the utility of its loved ones demands it, and let it not only, if it wishes to die, but if it has begun to do so, interrupt it and accommodate itself to its family.
§104.4Ingentis animi est aliena causa ad vitam reverti, quod magni viri saepe fecerunt.
It is the mark of a great mind to return to life for the sake of another, which great men have often done.
Sed hoc quoque summae humanitatis existimo, senectutem suam, cuius maximus fructus est securior sui tutela et vitae usus animosior, attentius custodire, si scias alicui tuorum esse dulce, utile, optabile.
But I also consider this a matter of the highest humanity to guard one's old age more attentively—the greatest fruit of which is a more secure self-care and a bolder use of life—if you know that it is sweet, useful, and desirable to some of your loved ones.
§104.5Habet praeterea in se non mediocre ista res gaudium et mercedem; quid enim iucundius quam uxori tam carum esse, ut propter hoc tibi carior fias? Potest itaque Paulina mea non tantum suum mihi timorem inputare, sed etiam meum.
Moreover, that matter has in itself no small joy and reward; for what is more pleasant than to be so dear to one's wife that because of this you become dearer to yourself? Therefore, my Paulina can charge to my account not only her own fear, but also mine.
§104.6Quaeris ergo, quomodo mihi consilium profectionis cesserit? Ut primum gravitatem urbis excessi et illum odorem culinarum fumantium, quae motae quicquid pestiferi vaporis obferunt, cum pulvere effundunt, protinus mutatam valitudinem sensi.
Do you ask then how my plan of departure turned out? As soon as I escaped the heavy air of the city and that smell of smoking kitchens, which, when stirred up, pour out whatever pestilential vapor they produce along with the dust, I immediately felt my health changed.
Quantum deinde adiectum putas viribus, postquam vineas attigi? In pascuum emissus cibum meum invasi.
How much do you think was then added to my strength after I reached the vineyards? Like one turned loose into a pasture, I fell upon my food.
Repeti vi ergo iam me; non permansit marcor ille corporis dubii et male cogitantis.
Therefore, I have already recovered myself; that weakness of a doubtful and ill-functioning body did not remain.
Incipio toto animo studere.
I begin to study with my whole heart.
§104.7Non multum ad hoc locus confert, nisi se sibi praestat animus, qui secretum in occupationibus mediis, si volet, habebit; at ille, qui regiones eligit et otium captat, ubique, quo distringatur, inveniet.
Place does not contribute much to this, unless the mind presents itself to itself, which, if it wishes, will have solitude in the midst of occupations; but he who chooses regions and hunts for leisure will find everywhere something to distract him.
Nam Socraten querenti cuidam, quod nihil sibi peregrinationes profuissent, respondisse ferunt: "non inmerito hoc tibi evenit; tecum enim peregrinabaris. " §104.8O quam bene cum quibusdam ageretur, si a se aberrarent! Nunc premunt se ipsi, sollicitant, corrumpunt, territant.
For they say that Socrates answered someone who complained that his travels had been of no use to him: 'Not without reason has this happened to you; for you were traveling with yourself.' Oh, how well it would go with some if they could wander away from themselves! Now they oppress themselves, worry themselves, corrupt themselves, terrify themselves.
Quid prodest mare traicere et urbes mutare? Si vis ista, quibus urgueris, effugere, non aliubi sis oportet, sed alius.
What good does it do to cross the sea and change cities? If you wish to escape those things by which you are pressed, you ought not to be in another place, but to be another person.
Puta venisse te Athenas, puta Rhodon; elige arbitrio tuo civitatem: quid ad rem pertinet, quos illa mores habeat? Tuos adferes.
Imagine that you have come to Athens, imagine to Rhodes; choose a city at your own discretion: what does it matter what customs it has? You will bring your own.
§104.9Divitias iudicabis bonum: torquebit te paupertas, quod est miserrimum, falsa.
You will judge riches to be a good: poverty will torment you—and, what is most wretched, a false poverty.
Quamvis enim multum possideas, tamen, quia aliquis plus habet, tanto tibi videris defici, quanto vinceris.
For although you possess much, yet, because someone else has more, you seem to yourself to be lacking by as much as you are surpassed.
Honores iudicabis bonum: male te habebit ille consul factus, ille etiam refectus, invidebis, quotiens aliquem in fastis saepius legeris.
You will judge honors to be a good: it will make you feel bad when that man is made consul, or even re-elected; you will be envious as often as you read someone's name more frequently in the records.
Tantus erit ambitionis furor, ut nemo tibi post te videatur, si aliquis ante te fuerit.
Such will be the madness of ambition that no one will seem to be behind you if anyone has been ahead of you.