You write that I should beguile this tearful time with study, lest my heart perish in shameful inactivity.
§5.12.3difficile est quod, amice, mones, quia carmina laetum §5.12.4sunt opus, et pacem mentis habere volunt.
What you advise, friend, is difficult, because poems are a happy work, and require peace of mind.
§5.12.5nostra per adversas agitur fortuna procellas, §5.12.6sorte nec ulla mea tristior esse potest.
My fortune is driven through hostile storms, and no lot can be sadder than mine.
You demand that Priam should play at the funeral of his sons, and that Niobe, bereaved, should lead festive dances.
Does it seem that I should be held by grief or by study, ordered to go alone to the outermost Getae?
§5.12.11des licet in valido pectus mihi robore fultum, §5.12.12fama refert Anyti quale fuisse reo, §5.12.13fracta cadet tantae sapientia mole ruinae: §5.12.14plus valet humanis viribus ira dei.
Though you should give me a heart supported by strong strength, such as fame reports that of the accused of Anytus was, wisdom shattered will fall under the great mass of such ruin: the anger of a god is stronger than human strength.
§5.12.15ille senex, dictus sapiens ab Apolline, nullum §5.12.16scribere in hoc casu sustinuisset opus.
That old man, called wise by Apollo, would have endured to write no work in this misfortune.
§5.12.17ut veniant patriae, veniant oblivia vestri, §5.12.18omnis ut amissi sensus abesse queat, §5.12.19at timor officio fungi vetat ipse quietum: §5.12.20cinctus ab innumero me tenet hoste locus,
Granted that forgetfulness of country comes, forgetfulness of you comes, granted that every feeling of what is lost can be absent, yet fear itself forbids me, even if quiet, to perform my duty: the place holds me, surrounded by countless enemies.
§5.12.21adde quod ingenium longa rubigine laesum §5.12.22torpet et est multo, quam fuit ante, minus, §5.12.23fertilis, assiduo si non renovatur aratro, §5.12.24nil nisi cum spinis gramen habebit ager.
Add that my genius, injured by long rust, is torpid and is much less than it was before; a fertile field, if it is not renewed by constant ploughing, will have nothing but grass with thorns.
§5.12.25tempore qui longo steterit, male curret et inter §5.12.26carceribus missos ultimus ibit equus, §5.12.27vertitur in teneram cariem rimisque dehiscit, §5.12.28siqua diu solitis cumba vacavit aquis,
The horse that has stood for a long time will run poorly, and go last among those sent from the starting-gates; any skiff that has long been free from its accustomed waters turns into soft decay and gapes with cracks.
Despair of me also—though I was small even before— being able to return equal to that man I had been.
Long endurance of evils has crushed my genius, and no part of my former vigor is present.
§5.12.33siqua tamen nobis, ut nunc quoque, sumpta tabella est, §5.12.34inque suos volui cogere verba pedes, §5.12.35carmina nulla mihi sunt scripta, aut qualia cernis, §5.12.36digna sui domini tempore, digna loco.
Yet if any tablet has been taken up by me, as even now, and I have wished to force words into their proper feet, no poems are written by me, or such as you see, worthy of their master's time, worthy of the place.
Finally, glory gives no small strength to the mind, and love of praise makes hearts fertile.
I was once drawn by the brightness of name and fame, while a favorable breeze carried my yards.
§5.12.41non adeo est bene nunc ut sit mihi gloria curae: §5.12.42si liceat, nulli cognitus esse velim,
Things are not so well now that glory should be a care to me: if it were permitted, I would wish to be known to no one.
§5.12.43an quia cesserunt primo bene carmina, suades §5.12.44scribere, successus ut sequar ipse meos?
Or because my poems once turned out well, do you persuade me to write, so that I myself may follow my successes?
§5.12.45pace, novem, vestra liceat dixisse, sorores: §5.12.46vos estis nostrae maxima causa fugae, §5.12.47utque dedit iustas tauri fabricator aeni, §5.12.48sic ego do poenas artibus ipse meis.
May it be allowed to say, nine sisters, with your permission: you are the greatest cause of my flight, and just as the builder of the bronze bull paid just penalties, so I myself pay penalties for my own arts.
§5.12.49nil mihi debebat cum versibus amplius esse, §5.12.50cum fugerem merito naufragus omne fretum,
Nothing more ought to have been between me and verses, since I, shipwrecked, deservedly should flee every sea.
§5.12.51at, puto, si demens studium fatale retemptem, §5.12.52hic mihi praebebit carminis arma locus.
But, I suppose, if I, mad, should try again that fatal study, this place will supply me with the weapons of song!
§5.12.53non liber hic ullus, non qui mihi commodet aurem, §5.12.54verbaque significent quid mea, norit, adest.
No book is here, no one to lend me an ear, and no one is present who knows what my words mean.
All places are full of barbarism and wild speech, and all are full of fear of hostile sound.
I myself seem to myself to have already unlearned how to speak Latin: for I have learned to speak Getic and Sarmatian.
And yet, to confess the truth to you, my Muse cannot be held back from composing poetry.
I write, and consume the written little books in fire: the outcome of my study is a tiny ember.
§5.12.63nec possum et cupio non nullos ducere versus: §5.12.64ponitur idcirco noster in igne labor, §5.12.65nec nisi pars casu flammis erepta dolove §5.12.66ad vos ingenii pervenit ulla mei.
I cannot help writing some verses, even though I desire not to: therefore my labor is placed in the fire, nor does any part of my genius reach you, unless snatched from the flames by chance or by trickery.