§2.3.244nequitia et nugis pravorum et amore gemellum §2.3.245luscinias soliti inpenso prandere coemptas, §2.3.246quorsum abeant? sani ut creta, an carbone notati?
Whither should they go, a pair twins in wickedness, trifles, and love of wicked men, accustomed to dine on nightingales bought at huge cost, marked with chalk as sane, or with charcoal as unsound?
§2.3.247aedificare casas, plostello adiungere muris, §2.3.248ludere par inpar, equitare in harundine longa §2.3.249siquem delectet barbatum, amentia verset.
To build toy houses, to hitch a little cart to mice, to play odd or even, to ride on a long reed— if this should delight anyone with a beard, madness would be driving him.
§2.3.250si puerilius his ratio esse evincet amare §2.3.251nec quicquam differre, utrumne in pulvere, trimus §2.3.252quale prius, ludas opus, an meretricis amore §2.3.253sollicitus plores: quaero, faciasne quod olim
If reason shall prove that to love is more childish than these, and that it makes no difference whether you play in the dust as you used to do when three years old, or weep, anxious with love for a mistress: I ask, would you do what once the converted Polemon did?
§2.3.254mutatus Polemon? ponas insignia morbi, §2.3.255fasciolas, cubital, focalia, potus ut ille §2.3.256dicitur ex collo furtim carpsisse coronas, §2.3.257postquam est inpransi correptus voce magistri?
Would you lay aside the badges of your disease, the leg-bandages, the elbow-cushion, the neckcloths, just as he, when drunk, is said to have stealthily snatched the garlands from his neck, after he was corrected by the voice of the sober master?
§2.3.258porrigis irato puero cum poma, recusat; §2.3.259‘sume, Catelle’: negat; si non des, optet. amator
When you offer apples to an angry boy, he refuses; 'Take them, my little puppy!': he says no; if you do not give them, he would long for them.
§2.3.260exclusus qui distat, agit ubi secum, eat an non, §2.3.261quo rediturus erat non arcessitus, et haeret §2.3.262invisis foribus? ‘nec nunc, cum me vocet ultro,
How does the shut-out lover differ, when he debates with himself whether to go or not, to the place where he was going to return anyway without being invited, and lingers at the hated doors? 'Shall I not go even now, when she invites me of her own accord?
§2.3.263accedam? an potius mediter finire dolores?
Or should I rather think of ending my pains?
§2.3.264exclusit; revocat: redeam? non, si obsecret.
She shut me out; she recalls me; shall I return?
’ ecce §2.3.265servus, non paulo sapientior ‘o ere, quae res §2.3.266nec modum habet neque consilium, ratione modoque §2.3.267tractari non volt.
No, not even if she begs me.' Behold, the slave, not a little wiser: 'O master, a thing which has neither measure nor counsel does not wish to be handled with reason and measure.
in amore haec sunt mala, bellum, §2.3.268pax rursum: haec siquis tempestatis prope ritu §2.3.269mobilia et caeca fluitantia sorte laboret §2.3.270reddere certa sibi, nihilo plus explicet ac si §2.3.271insanire paret certa ratione modoque. ’
In love there are these evils, war, then peace again: if anyone should strive to make these things, which are as changeable as the weather and float by blind chance, stable for himself, he would accomplish no more than if he should prepare to go mad with a certain reason and measure.' What?
§2.3.272quid? cum Picenis excerpens semina pomis §2.3.273gaudes, si cameram percusti forte, penes te es?
When you click seeds from Picenian apples, rejoice if by chance you have hit the ceiling, are you in your right mind?
§2.3.274quid? cum balba feris annoso verba palato, §2.3.275aedificante casas qui sanior? adde cruorem
What? When you strike lisping words from an aged palate, how are you any saner than one building toy houses?
§2.3.276stultitiae atque ignem gladio scrutare.
Add blood to folly and stir the fire with a sword.
modo, inquam. §2.3.277Hellade percussa Marius cum praecipitat se,
Just now, I say, when Marius, having stabbed Hellas, throws himself headlong, was he crazed?
§2.3.278cerritus fuit? an commotae crimine mentis §2.3.279absolves hominem et sceleris damnabis eundem §2.3.280ex more inponens cognata vocabula rebus?
Or will you acquit the man of the charge of a disturbed mind, and condemn the same man for crime, imposing related terms on things according to custom?
§2.3.281libertinus erat, qui circum compita siccus §2.3.282lautis mane senex manibus currebat et ‘unum’, §2.3.283— ‘quid tam magnum?’ addens —, ‘unum me surpite morti!
There was a freedman, an old man, who, sober in the morning, with washed hands, used to run around the crossroads and pray: 'One, only one,' —adding 'what is so great a request?'—'save me alone from death!
§2.3.284Dis etenim facile est’ orabat, sanus utrisque §2.3.285auribus atque oculis; mentem, nisi litigiosus, §2.3.286exciperet dominus, cum venderet.
For it is easy for the gods.' He was sound in both ears and eyes; but as for his mind, his master, when selling him, would not have exempted it, unless he wanted a lawsuit.
hoc quoque volgus §2.3.287Chrysippus ponit fecunda in gente Meneni.
This crowd too Chrysippus places in the fertile family of Menenius.
§2.3.288‘Iuppiter, ingentis qui das adimisque dolores,’ §2.3.289mater ait pueri mensis iam quinque cubantis, §2.3.290‘frigida si puerum quartana reliquerit, illo §2.3.291mane die, quo tu indicis ieiunia, nudus §2.3.292in Tiberi stabit. ’ casus medicusve levarit §2.3.293aegrum ex praecipiti: mater delira necabit §2.3.294in gelida fixum ripa febrimque reducet,
'O Jupiter, who givest and takest away great pains,' says the mother of a boy who has been in bed for five months already, 'if the cold quartan fever shall have left my boy, on the morning of that day on which you appoint a fast, he shall stand naked in the Tiber.' Chance or the doctor may have raised the sick boy from the brink: the crazy mother will kill him, fixed on the cold river bank, and will bring back the fever.
§2.3.295quone malo mentem concussa? timore Deorum.
By what evil is she shaken in her mind?
” §2.3.296haec mihi Stertinius, sapientum octavos, amico §2.3.297arma dedit, posthac ne conpellarer inultus.
By the fear of the gods." These arms Stertinius, the eighth of the wise men, gave to me, his friend, so that hereafter I might not be insulted with impunity.
§2.3.298dixerit insanum qui me, totidem audiet atque §2.3.299respicere ignoto discet pendentia tergo. ’
Whoever calls me mad shall hear as much in return, and shall learn to look back at what hangs on his own unknown back.
§2.3.300‘Stoice, post damnum sic vendas omnia pluris,
"Stoic, after your loss, so may you sell everything for more!
§2.3.301qua me stultitia, quoniam non est genus unum,
With what folly do you think I am mad, since there is not just one kind?
§2.3.302insanire putas? ego nam videor mihi sanus. ’
For I seem to myself to be sane." "What?
§2.3.303‘quid, caput abscissum manibus cum portat Agave §2.3.304gnati infelicis, sibi tunc furiosa videtur?’ §2.3.305‘stultum me fateor — liceat concedere veris — §2.3.306atque etiam insanum;
When Agave carries the head of her unhappy son, cut off by her own hands, does she then seem to herself to be mad?" "I confess myself foolish—let me yield to the truth— and even mad.
tantum hoc edissere, quo me §2.3.307aegrotare putes animi vitio. ’ ‘accipe: primum §2.3.308aedificas, hoc est longos imitaris, ab imo §2.3.309ad summum totus moduli bipedalis, et idem §2.3.310corpore maiorem rides Turbonis in armis §2.3.311spiritum et incessum: qui ridiculus minus illo?
Only explain this: with what defect of mind do you think I am sick?" "Hear: first, you build; that is, you imitate big men, though you are altogether from top to toe only two feet in measure, and yet you laugh at the spirit and gait of Turbo in arms, which is too big for his body: how are you less ridiculous than he?
§2.3.312an, quodcumque facit Maecenas, te quoque verum est, §2.3.313tanto dissimilem et tanto certare minorem?
Or is it right for you also to do whatever Maecenas does, you who are so unlike him and so much too small to compete?
§2.3.314absentis ranae pullis vituli pede pressis §2.3.315unus ubi effugit, matri denarrat, ut ingens §2.3.316belua cognatos eliserit: illa rogare,
When the young of an absent frog were crushed by a calf's foot, and one who escaped tells his mother how a huge beast had crushed his siblings: she asked: 'How big?
§2.3.317quantane? num tantum, sufflans se, magna fuisset?
Could it have been as big as this?' puffing herself up.
§2.3.318‘maior dimidio. ’ ‘num tanto?’ cum magis atque §2.3.319se magis inflaret, ‘non, si te ruperis,’ inquit,
'Bigger by half!' 'As big as this?' when she blew herself up more and more.
§2.3.320‘par eris. ’ haec a te non multum abludit imago.
'Not even if you burst yourself,' he said, 'will you be equal to it.' This image fits you not a little.
§2.3.321adde poemata nunc, hoc est, oleum adde camino, §2.3.322quae siquis sanus fecit, sanus facis et tu.
Add poems now—that is, add oil to the furnace; if any sane man has ever made them, then you too are sane when you make them.
§2.3.323non dico horrendam rabiem —’ ‘iam desine. ’’ — cultum §2.3.324maiorem censu —’ ‘teneas, Damasippe, tuis te. ’ §2.3.325’ — mille puellarum, puerorum mille furores —’ §2.3.326‘o maior tandem parcas, insane, minori. ’
I do not speak of your horrible rage—" "Stop now!" "—your lifestyle greater than your income—" "Keep yourself to your own affairs, Damasippus!" "—your thousands of passions for girls, your thousands for boys—" "O greater madman, spare at last the lesser one!"