§2.3.1‘Sic raro scribis, ut toto non quater anno §2.3.2membranam poscas, scriptorum quaeque retexens, §2.3.3iratus tibi, quod vini somnique benignus §2.3.4nil dignum sermone canas.
"Because you write so rarely that not four times in a whole year do you ask for parchment, unraveling all your writings, angry with yourself because, being bountiful with wine and sleep, you sing nothing worthy of mention.
quid fiet? at ipsis
What will happen?
§2.3.5saturnalibus huc fugisti sobrius.
But at the very Saturnalia, you fled hither sober.
ergo §2.3.6dic aliquid dignum promissis.
Therefore, speak something worthy of your promises.
incipe.
Begin.
nil est.
There is nothing.
The pens are blamed in vain, and the innocent wall, born when gods and poets were angry, suffers.
§2.3.9atqui voltus erat multa et praeclara minantis, §2.3.10si vacuum tepido cepisset villula tecto.
And yet you had the look of one threatening many brilliant things, if only your little villa had received you at leisure under its warm roof.
§2.3.11quorsum pertinuit stipare Platona Menandro?
To what purpose did it pertain to pack Plato with Menander?
§2.3.12Eupolin, Archilochum, comites educere tantos?
To bring out Eupolis and Archilochus, such great companions?
§2.3.13invidiam placare paras virtute relicta?
Are you preparing to appease envy by abandoning virtue?
§2.3.14contemnere miser.
You will be despised, wretched man.
vitanda est inproba Siren §2.3.15desidia, aut quidquid vita meliore parasti §2.3.16ponendum aequo animo. ’ ‘Di te, Damasippe, Deaeque §2.3.17verum ob consilium donent tonsore.
The shameless Siren, sloth, must be avoided, or whatever you acquired in your better life must be calmly laid aside." "May the gods and goddesses, Damasippus, present you with a barber for your sound advice.
sed unde §2.3.18tam bene me nosti?’ ‘postquam omnis res mea Ianum §2.3.19ad medium fracta est, aliena negotia curo §2.3.20excussus propriis.
But whence do you know me so well?" "After all my fortune was shattered at the middle Janus, I take care of other people's business, having been cast out of my own.
olim nam quaerere amabam, §2.3.21quo vafer ille pedes lavisset Sisyphus aere, §2.3.22quid scalptum infabre, quid fusum durius esset.
For formerly I loved to inquire in what bronze vessel that cunning Sisyphus had washed his feet, what was sculpted clumsily, what was cast too harshly.
§2.3.23callidus huic signo ponebam milia centum; §2.3.24hortos egregiasque domos mercarier unus §2.3.25cum lucro noram; unde frequentia Mercuriale §2.3.26inposuere mihi cognomen compita. ’ ‘novi §2.3.27et miror morbi purgatum te illius.
Shrewd as I was, I used to value this statue at a hundred thousand; I alone knew how to purchase gardens and fine houses with a profit; whence the crowded crossroads gave me the surname of 'Mercury's favorite.'" "I know it, and I wonder that you were cured of that disease.
atqui §2.3.28emovit veterem mire novus, ut solet, in cor §2.3.29traiecto lateris miseri capitisve dolore, §2.3.30ut lethargicus hic cum fit pugil et medicum urget. §2.3.31dum nequid simile huic, esto ut libet. ’ ‘o bone, ne te §2.3.32frustrere: insanis et tu stultique prope omnes, §2.3.33siquid Stertinius veri crepat, unde ego mira §2.3.34descripsi docilis praecepta haec, tempore quo me §2.3.35solatus iussit sapientem pascere barbam §2.3.36atque a Fabricio non tristem ponte reverti.
And yet, a new disease has wonderfully driven out the old, as is usual, when the pain of a wretched side or head is transferred to the heart, as when this lethargic patient becomes a boxer and assaults the doctor." "As long as there is nothing like this, let it be as you please." "O good sir, do not deceive yourself: you too are mad, and almost all foolish people, if Stertinius utters any truth, from whom I, a docile pupil, wrote down these wondrous precepts, at the time when he comforted me and ordered me to cultivate a wise man's beard and to return without sorrow from the Fabrician bridge.
§2.3.37nam male re gesta cum vellem mittere operto §2.3.38me capite in flumen, dexter stetit et “cave faxis §2.3.39te quicquam indignum.
For when, after my business failed, I wished to throw myself with covered head into the river, he stood on my right and said, 'Take care not to do anything unworthy of yourself.
pudor” inquit “te malus angit, §2.3.40insanos qui inter vereare insanus haberi.
A false shame,' he said, 'torments you, who fear to be held mad among madmen.
§2.3.41primum nam inquiram, quid sit furere: hoc si erit in te §2.3.42solo, nil verbi, pereas quin fortiter, addam.
For first I will inquire what it is to be mad; if this shall be in you alone, I will add no word to prevent you from dying bravely.
§2.3.43quem mala stultitia et quemcumque inscitia veri §2.3.44caecum agit, insanum Chrysippi porticus et grex §2.3.45autumat.
Whomever evil folly and whomever ignorance of the truth drives blind, the portico and herd of Chrysippus declares mad.
haec populos, haec magnos formula reges, §2.3.46excepto sapiente, tenet.
This formula holds peoples, this holds great kings, except for the wise man.
Now hear why all are as senseless as you, who have given you the name of a madman.
velut silvis, ubi passim §2.3.49palantis error certo de tramite pellit, §2.3.50ille sinistrorsum, hic dextrorsum abit, unus utrique §2.3.51error, sed variis inludit partibus: hoc te §2.3.52crede modo insanum, nihilo ut sapientior ille §2.3.53qui te deridet caudam trahat.
Just as in the woods, where everywhere error drives those wandering from the proper path, one goes to the left, another to the right, the same error affects both, but mocks them in different directions; in this manner believe yourself to be mad, so that he who laughs at you is not a bit wiser and drags a tail behind him.
est genus unum §2.3.54stultitiae nihilum metuenda timentis, ut ignis, §2.3.55ut rupes fluviosque in campo obstare queratur; §2.3.56alterum et huic varum et nihilo sapientius ignis §2.3.57per medios fluviosque ruentis: clamet amica
There is one class of folly that fears things not to be feared at all, complaining that fire, rocks, and rivers obstruct them in the open plain; another class, opposite to this and not a bit wiser, rushes through the midst of fires and rivers.
§2.3.58mater, honesta soror cum cognatis, pater, uxor: §2.3.59‘hic fossa est ingens, hic rupes maxima: serva!’ §2.3.60non magis audierit, quam Fusius ebrius olim, §2.3.61cum Ilionam edormit, Catienis mille ducentis §2.3.62‘mater, te appello’ clamantibus. huic ego volgus §2.3.63errori similem cunctum insanire docebo.
Let his loving mother, his noble sister with his relations, his father, and his wife cry out: "Here is a huge ditch, here is a massive rock: take care!" he would no more hear than did the drunken Fusius once, when he slept through the part of Iliona, while twelve hundred Catieni were crying out "Mother, I call upon you!" I will show that the whole populace is mad with an error similar to this.
§2.3.64insanit veteres statuas Damasippus emendo: §2.3.65integer est mentis Damasippi creditor? esto.
Damasippus is mad in buying up old statues: is Damasippus's creditor sound of mind? Let it be so.
§2.3.66‘accipe quod numquam reddas mihi’ si tibi dicam: §2.3.67tune insanus eris, si acceperis, an magis excors §2.3.68reiecta praeda, quam praesens Mercurius fert?
If I should say to you, "Accept what you may never return to me," will you be mad if you accept, or rather more foolish by rejecting the prey which a favorable Mercury offers?
§2.3.69scribe decem a Nerio: non est satis; adde Cicutae §2.3.70nodosi tabulas, centum, mille adde catenas: §2.3.71effugiet tamen haec sceleratus vincula Proteus.
Write ten bonds from Nerius: it is not enough; add the accounts of knotty Cicuta, add a hundred, a thousand chains: yet this wicked Proteus will escape all these bonds.
§2.3.72cum rapies in ius malis ridentem alienis, §2.3.73fiet aper, modo avis, modo saxum et, cum volet, arbor
When you drag him to court laughing with cheeks not his own, he will become a boar, now a bird, now a stone, and when he wishes, a tree.
§2.3.74si male rem gerere insani est, contra bene sani: §2.3.75putidius multo cerebrum est, mihi crede, Perilli §2.3.76dictantis, quod tu numquam rescribere possis.
If to manage one's affairs badly is the mark of a madman, and well, of a sane one: believe me, the brain of Perillus is much more rotten in dictating a loan which you can never repay.
§2.3.77audire atque togam iubeo conponere, quisquis §2.3.78ambitione mala aut argenti pallet amore, §2.3.79quisquis luxuria tristive superstitione §2.3.80aut alio mentis morbo calet: huc propius me, §2.3.81dum doceo insanire omnis vos, ordine adite.
I command you to listen and adjust your toga, whoever grows pale from evil ambition or from the love of money, whoever burns with luxury or gloomy superstition or any other disease of the mind: come nearer to me, while I teach that all of you are mad, approach in order.'"