§8.11D.5quod cum ita sit, maxime vellem primum semper tecum fuissem; quod quidem tibi ostenderam, cum a me Capuam reiciebam.
Since this is so, I would most greatly wish first that I had always been with you; which indeed I had shown to you when I was rejecting Capua from myself.
quod feci non vitandi oneris causa sed quod videbam teneri illam urbem sine exercitu non posse, accidere autem mihi nolebam quod doleo viris fortissimis accidisse.
This I did not for the sake of avoiding a burden, but because I saw that that city could not be held without an army, and I did not wish to happen to me what I grieve to have happened to most brave men.
quoniam autem tecum ut essem non contigit, utinam tui consili certior factus essem! nam suspicione adsequi non potui, quod omnia prius arbitratus sum fore quam ut haec rei publicae causa in Italia non posset duce te consistere.
But since it did not happen that I was with you, would that I had been informed of your plan! For I could not attain it by suspicion, because I thought all things would happen before it could happen that this cause of the republic could not stand in Italy under your leadership.
neque vero nunc consilium tuum reprehendo sed fortunam rei publicae lugeo nec, si ego quid tu sis secutus non perspicio, idcirco minus existimo te nihil nisi summa ratione fecisse.
Nor indeed do I now blame your plan, but I lament the fortune of the republic, nor, if I do not perceive what you have pursued, do I on that account any less think that you have done nothing except with the highest reason.
§8.11D.6mea quae semper fuerit sententia primum de pace vel iniqua condicione retinenda, deinde de urbe (nam de Italia quidem nihil mihi umquam ostenderas), meminisse te arbitror.
I think you remember what my opinion always was, first concerning peace to be maintained even on unfair terms, then concerning the city (for concerning Italy indeed you had never shown anything to me).
sed mihi non sumo ut meum consilium valere debuerit; secutus sum tuum neque id rei publicae causa de qua desperavi, quae et nunc adflicta est nec excitari sine civili perniciosissimo bello potest, sed te quaerebam, tecum esse cupiebam neque, eius rei facultatem, si quae erit, praetermittam.
But I do not take upon myself that my plan ought to have prevailed; I followed yours, and that not for the sake of the republic, of which I have despaired, which both now is afflicted and cannot be raised up without a most ruinous civil war, but I was seeking you, I was desiring to be with you, nor will I let pass any opportunity for that thing, if there shall be any.
§8.11D.7ego me in hac omni causa facile intellegebam pugnandi cupidis hominibus non satis facere.
I easily understood that I in this whole cause was not satisfying men desirous of fighting.
primum enim prae me tuli me nihil malle quam pacem, non quin eadem timerem quae illi sed ea bello civili leviora ducebam.
For first, I openly declared that I preferred nothing to peace, not because I did not fear the same things which they did, but I considered them lighter than a civil war.
deinde suscepto bello, cum pacis condiciones ad te adferri a teque ad eas honorifice et large responderi viderem, duxi meam rationem; quam tibi facile me probaturum pro tuo in me beneficio arbitrabar.
Then, when the war had been undertaken, when I saw that terms of peace were being brought to you and were being responded to by you honorably and generously, I calculated my own interest; which I thought I would easily justify to you in view of your benefit toward me.
memineram me esse unum qui pro meis maximis in rem publicam meritis supplicia miserrima et crudelissima pertulissem, me esse unum qui, si offendissem eius animum cui tum cum iam in armis essemus consulatus tamen alter et triumphus amplissimus deferebatur, subicerer eisdem proeliis, ut mea persona semper ad improborum civium impetus aliquid videretur habere populare.
I remembered that I was the only one who had endured the most wretched and cruel punishments for my greatest services to the republic, that I was the only one who, if I had offended the mind of him to whom, at the very time when we were already in arms, another consulship and a most ample triumph were nevertheless being offered, would be subjected to the same struggles, so that my person would always seem to have something popular for the attacks of wicked citizens.
neque haec non ego prius sum suspicatus quam mihi palam denuntiata sunt, neque ea tam pertimui, si subeunda essent, quam declinanda putavi, si honeste vitare possem.
Nor did I not suspect these things before they were openly threatened to me, nor did I so much fear them, if they had to be undergone, as I thought they should be avoided, if I could honestly escape them.
§8.11D.8quam brevem illius temporis, dum in spe pax fuit, rationem nostram vides, reliqui facultatem res ademit.
You see how brief my plan of that time was, while peace was in hope; the situation has taken away the opportunity for the rest.
iis autem quibus non satis facio facile respondeo.
But to those whom I do not satisfy, I easily reply.
neque enim ego amicior C. Caesari umquam fui quam illi neque illi amiciores rei publicae quam ego.
For neither was I ever more friendly to Gaius Caesar than they, nor were they more friendly to the republic than I.
hoc inter me et illos interest quod, cum et illi cives optimi sint et ego ab ista laude non absim, ego condicionibus, quod idem te intellexeram velle, illi armis disceptari maluerunt.
This difference is between me and them, that while both they are excellent citizens and I am not far from that praise, I preferred that disputes be settled by conditions—which same thing I had understood that you wished—while they preferred by arms.
quae quoniam ratio vicit, perficiam profecto ut neque res publica civis a me animum neque tu amici desideres.
Since which plan has prevailed, I will surely bring it to pass that neither the republic shall miss the spirit of a citizen in me, nor you of a friend.