§3.10.1acta quae essent usque ad a. d. viii Kal. Iunias cognovi ex tuis litteris; reliqua exspectabam, ut tibi placebat, Thessalonicae.
I have learned from your letter what was done up to the eighth day before the Kalends of June; the rest I was waiting for, as you wished, at Thessalonica.
quibus adlatis facilius statuere potero ubi sim.
Once these are brought, I shall be able to determine more easily where I should remain.
nam si erit causa, si quid agetur, si spem videro, aut ibidem opperiar aut me ad te conferam; sin, ut tu scribis, ista evanuerint, aliquid aliud videbimus.
For if there is a reason, if anything is being done, if I see any hope, I shall either wait in the same place or betake myself to you; but if, as you write, those things have vanished, we shall see about something else.
omnino adhuc nihil mihi significatis nisi discordiam istorum; quae tamen inter eos de omnibus potius rebus est quam de me.
In any case, so far you signal nothing to me except the discord of those men; which, however, is among them concerning all other matters rather than concerning me.
itaque quid ea mihi prosit nescio sed tamen quoad me vos sperare vultis vobis obtemperabo.
Therefore, how it may profit me I know not, but still, as long as you wish me to hope, I will obey you.
§3.10.2nam quod me tam saepe et tam vehementer obiurgas et animo infirmo esse dicis, quaeso, ecquod tantum malum est quod in mea calamitate non sit? ecquis umquam tam ex amplo statu, tam in bona causa, tantis facultatibus ingeni, consili, gratiae, tantis praesidiis bonorum omnium concidit? possum oblivisci qui fuerim, non sentire qui sim, quo caream honore, qua gloria, quibus liberis, quibus fortunis, quo fratre? quem ego, ut novum calamitatis genus attendas, quom pluris facerem quam me ipsum semperque fecissem, vitavi ne viderem, ne aut illius luctum squaloremque aspicerem aut me quem ille florentissimum reliquerat perditum illi adflictumque offerrem.
For as to your reproaching me so often and so vehemently, and saying that I am of a weak mind, I ask you, is there any so great evil that is not present in my calamity? Did anyone ever fall from so high a position, in so good a cause, with such great resources of talent, counsel, influence, and with such great protection of all good men? Can I forget who I was, or not feel who I am, what honor, what glory, what children, what fortunes, what a brother I lack? Whom—so that you may notice a new kind of calamity—though I valued him more than myself and had always done so, I avoided seeing, lest I should look upon his grief and squalor, or present myself to him ruined and afflicted, whom he had left in the highest prosperity.
mitto cetera intolerabilia; etenim fletu impedior.
I pass over the other intolerable things; indeed, I am hindered by my tears.
hic utrum tandem sum accusandus quod doleo, an quod commisi ut haec non aut retinerem, quod facile fuisset nisi intra parietes meos de mea pernicie consilia inirentur, aut certe vivus non amitterem?
Here, pray, am I to be accused because I grieve, or because I committed the error of not retaining these things (which would have been easy if counsels had not been formed within my own walls concerning my ruin), or at least of losing them while alive?
§3.10.3haec eo scripsi ut potius relevares me, quod facis, quam ut castigatione aut obiurgatione dignum putares, eoque ad te minus multa scribo quod et maerore impedior et quod exspectem istinc magis habeo quam quod ipse scribam.
I have written these things so that you might rather relieve me, as you do, than think me worthy of castigation or reproach; and I write less to you for the reason both that I am hindered by grief, and that I have more to expect from there than what I myself might write.
quae si erunt adlata, faciam te consili nostri certiorem.
If those things are brought, I will make you informed of my plan.
tu, ut adhuc fecisti, quam plurimis de rebus ad me velim scribas, ut prorsus ne quid ignorem.
I would like you to write to me about as many things as possible, as you have done hitherto, so that I may be ignorant of absolutely nothing.
data xiiii Kal. Quintilis Thessalonicae.
Given on the fourteenth day before the Kalends of July, at Thessalonica.