§10.4.1multas a te accepi epistulas eodem die omnis diligenter scriptas, eam vero quae voluminis instar erat saepe legendam, sicuti facio.
I received many letters from you on the same day, all carefully written, but indeed that one which was like a volume is to be read often, as indeed I am doing.
in qua non frustra laborem suscepisti, mihi quidem pergratum fecisti.
In this you have not undertaken labor in vain; you have indeed done me a very great pleasure.
qua re ut id, quoad licebit, id est quoad scies ubi simus, quam saepissime facias te vehementer rogo.
Therefore, I earnestly ask you to do this as often as possible, as long as it is permitted, that is, as long as you know where we are.
ac deplorandi quidem, quod cotidie facimus, sit iam nobis aut finis omnino, si potest, aut moderatio quaedam, quod profecto potest.
And as for our lamenting, which we do daily, let there now be either an end to it altogether, if possible, or at least some moderation, which is certainly possible.
non enim iam quam dignitatem, quos honores, quem vitae statum amiserim cogito, sed quid consecutus sim, quid praestiterim, qua in laude vixerim, his denique in malis quid intersit inter me et istos quos propter omnia amisimus.
For I no longer think of what dignity, what honors, what state of life I have lost, but what I have achieved, what I have performed, in what honor I have lived, and finally, in these evils, what difference there is between me and those because of whom we have lost everything.
hi sunt qui, nisi me civitate expulissent, obtinere se non putaverunt posse licentiam cupiditatum suarum.
These are the ones who, if they had not expelled me from the state, did not think they could obtain free rein for their desires.
quorum societatis et sceleratae consensionis fides quo eruperit vides.
You see where the loyalty of their partnership and wicked conspiracy has broken out.
§10.4.2alter ardet furore et scelere nec remittit aliquid sed in dies ingravescit; modo Italia expulit, nunc alia ex parte persequi, ex alia provincia exspoliare conatur nec iam recusat sed quodam modo postulat ut, quem ad modum est, sic etiam appelletur tyrannus.
One burns with madness and crime, and does not slacken at all but grows worse day by day; just now he drove us from Italy, now he tries to pursue from another side, to strip of a province from another, and no longer refuses, but in a way demands, that, just as he is, so also he should be called a tyrant.
§10.4.3alter, is qui nos sibi quondam ad pedes stratos ne sublevabat quidem, qui se nihil contra huius voluntatem facere posse, elapsus e soceri manibus ac ferro bellum terra et mari comparat non iniustum ille quidem, sed cum pium tum etiam necessarium, suis tamen civibus exitiabile nisi vicerit, calamitosum etiam si vicerit.
The other, he who once did not even raise us when we prostrated ourselves at his feet, and who said he could do nothing against this man's will, having slipped from the hands of his father-in-law, is preparing war by land and sea with the sword—not unjust indeed, but both pious and also necessary, yet destructive to his own citizens unless he wins, and calamitous even if he does win.
§10.4.4horum ego summorum imperatorum non modo res gestas non antepono meis sed ne fortunam quidem ipsam; qua illi florentissima, nos duriore conflictati videmur.
I not only do not prefer the achievements of these highest commanders to my own, but not even their very fortune; with which they seem to have been blessed at its most flourishing, while we seem to be afflicted with a harder one.
quis enim potest aut deserta per se patria aut oppressa beatus esse? et si, ut nos a te admonemur, recte in illis libris diximus nihil esse bonum nisi quod honestum, nihil malum nisi quod turpe sit, certe uterque istorum est miserrimus quorum utrique semper patriae salus et dignitas posterior sua dominatione et domesticis commodis fuit.
For who can be happy when his country is either deserted by himself or oppressed? And if, as I am reminded by you, we rightly said in those books that nothing is good except what is honorable, nothing bad except what is base, certainly each of those two is most miserable, to each of whom the safety and dignity of the country was always secondary to his own domination and private advantages.
§10.4.5praeclara igitur conscientia sustentor, cum cogito me de re publica aut meruisse optime cum potuerim, aut certe numquam nisi pie cogitasse, eaque ipsa tempestate eversam esse rem publicam quam ego XIIII annis ante prospexerim.
I am sustained, therefore, by an excellent conscience, when I think that I either deserved outstandingly of the republic when I was able, or at least never thought of it except loyally, and that the republic was overthrown by that very tempest which I foresaw fourteen years before.
hac igitur conscientia comite proficiscar magno equidem cum dolore nec tam id propter me aut propter fratrem meum, quorum est iam acta aetas, quam propter pueros, quibus interdum videmur praestare etiam rem publicam debuisse.
With this conscience, therefore, as my companion, I shall set out, with great pain indeed, and that not so much on my own account or on account of my brother, whose life is already spent, as on account of the boys, to whom we sometimes seem to have owed it to hand down even a functioning republic.
quorum quidem alter †non tam† quia maiore pietate est me mirabiliter excruciat, alter (o rem miseram! nihil enim mihi accidit in omni vita acerbius) indulgentia videlicet nostra depravatus eo progressus est quo non audeo dicere.
One of them indeed, not so much because he is of greater affection, wonderfully tortures me; the other (O wretched thing! for nothing more bitter has happened to me in all my life), corrupted, as is clear, by our indulgence, has gone to such lengths as I do not dare to say.
et exspecto tuas litteras; scripsisti enim te scripturum esse plura cum ipsum vidisses.
And I await your letter; for you wrote that you would write more when you had seen him himself.
§10.4.6omne meum obsequium in illum fuit cum multa severitate, neque unum eius nec parvum sed multa magna delicta compressi.
All my indulgence towards him was combined with much severity, and I suppressed not one of his offenses, nor a small one, but many great ones.
Patris autem lenitas amanda potius ab illo quam tam crudeliter neglegenda.
But a father's leniency ought rather to have been loved by him than so cruelly disregarded.
nam litteras eius ad Caesarem missas ita graviter tulimus ut te quidem celaremus sed ipsius videremur vitam insuavem reddidisse.
For we took his letters sent to Caesar so heavily that, although we hid it from you indeed, we seemed to have made his own life unpleasant.
hoc vero eius iter simulatioque pietatis qualis fuerit non audeo dicere; tantum scio post Hirtium conventum arcessitum a Caesare, cum eo de meo animo a suis rationibus alienissimo et consilio relinquendi Italiam; et haec ipsa timide.
But this journey of his, and his pretense of affection, what kind of thing it was, I do not dare to say; I only know that after meeting Hirtius, having been summoned by Caesar, he talked with him about my disposition being most alienated from his interests and about my plan of leaving Italy; and even this timidly.
sed nulla nostra culpa est natura metuenda est.
But there is no fault of ours; his nature is to be feared.
haec Curionem, haec Hortensi filium, non patrum culpa corrupit.
This nature corrupted Curio, this the son of Hortensius, not the fault of their fathers.
iacet in maerore meus frater neque tam de sua vita quam de mea metuit.
My brother lies in grief, and fears not so much for his own life as for mine.
huic tu malo adfer consolationes, si ullas potes; maxime quidem illam velim, ea quae ad nos delata sint aut falsa esse aut minora.
To this evil do you bring consolations, if you can bring any; especially indeed I should wish that one: that the things which have been reported to us are either false or less serious.
quae si vera sint, quid futurum sit in hac vita et fuga nescio.
If these things should be true, what will happen in this life and flight I know not.
nam si haberemus rem publicam, consilium mihi non deesset nec ad severitatem nec ad indulgentiam.
For if we had a republic, counsel would not fail me either for severity or for indulgence.
nunc haec sive iracundia sive dolore sive metu permotus gravius scripsi quam aut tuus in illum amor aut meus postulabat; si vera sunt, ignosces, sin falsa, me libente eripies mihi hunc errorem.
Now I have written these things, moved either by anger or pain or fear, more severely than either your love for him or mine demanded; if they are true, you will forgive me; but if false, you will gladly snatch this error from me.
quoquo modo vero se res habebit, nihil adsignabis nec patruo nec patri.
But in whatever way the matter shall stand, you will attribute nothing either to his uncle or to his father.