§10.14.1o vitam miseram maiusque malum tam diu timere quam est illud ipsum quod timetur! Servius, ut antea scripsi, cum venisset Nonis Maiis, postridie ad me mane venit.
O wretched life, and to think that fearing for so long a time is a greater evil than the very thing which is feared! Servius, as I wrote before, having arrived on the Nones of May, came to me early the next morning.
ne diutius te teneam, nullius consili exitum invenimus.
To keep you no longer, we found the outcome of no plan.
numquam vidi hominem perturbatiorem metu; neque hercule quicquam timebat quod non esset timendum; illum sibi iratum, hunc non amicum; horribilem utriusque victoriam cum propter alterius crudelitatem, alterius audaciam, tum propter utriusque difficultatem pecuniariam; quae erui nusquam nisi ex privatorum bonis posset.
I have never seen a man more agitated by fear; and, by Hercules, he was fearing nothing that was not to be feared: that the former was angry with him, the latter not friendly; that the victory of either would be horrible, both because of the cruelty of the one and the audacity of the other, and because of the financial embarrassment of both, which could be relieved from nowhere else than the goods of private citizens.
atque haec ita multis cum lacrimis loquebatur ut ego mirarer eas tam diuturna miseria non exaruisse.
And he spoke of these things with so many tears that I wondered they had not dried up after such long-continued misery.
mihi quidem etiam lippitudo haec, propter quam non ipse ad te scribo, sine ulla lacrima est sed saepius odiosa est propter vigilias.
As for myself, even this inflammation of the eyes, because of which I am not writing to you with my own hand, is without any tears, but is often troublesome on account of sleeplessness.
§10.14.2quam ob rem quicquid habes ad consolandum conlige et illa scribe non ex doctrina neque ex libris (nam id quidem domi est, sed nescio quo modo imbecillior est medicina quam morbus), haec potius conquire de Hispaniis, de Massilia; quae quidem satis bella Servius adfert; qui etiam de duabus legionibus luculentos auctores esse dicebat.
Therefore, collect whatever you have for consolation and write those things, not from learning nor from books (for that indeed we have at home, but somehow the medicine is weaker than the disease), but search out rather these news about the Spains, about Massilia; which indeed Servius brings in a sufficiently encouraging form; who even said that there were trustworthy authorities concerning two legions.
haec igitur si habebis et talia.
These things, therefore, if you have, and things of that kind.
et quidem paucis diebus aliquid audiri necesse est.
And indeed, within a few days, something must be heard.
§10.14.3sed redeo ad Servium.
But I return to Servius.
distulimus omnino sermonem in posterum, sed tardus ad exeundum
"multo se in suo lectulo malle, quicquid foret. "
odiosus scrupulus de fili militia Brundisina.
We postponed our conversation altogether for later, but he, slow to depart, declared that "he much preferred to be in his own little bed, whatever should happen." There is an annoying anxiety about his son's military service at Brundisium.
unum illud firmissime adseverabat, si damnati restituerentur, in exsilium se iturum.
This one thing he asserted most firmly, that if the condemned were restored, he would go into exile.
nos autem ad haec
"et id ipsum certo fore et quae iam fierent non esse leviora,"
multaque conligebamus. verum ea non animum eius augebant sed timorem, ut iam celandus magis de nostro consilio quam ad id adhibendus videretur.
We, however, in reply to this, kept gathering many arguments, saying "that very thing would certainly happen, and what was already happening was no lighter." But these things did not increase his courage but his fear, so that he seemed now rather to be kept in the dark about our plan than to be admitted to it.
qua re in hoc non multum est.
Therefore, there is not much in this man.
nos a te admoniti de Caelio cogitabimus.
We, having been warned by you, will think about Caelius.