§4.6.1ego vero, Servi, vellem, ut scribis, in meo gravissimo casu adfuisses; quantum enim praesens me adiuvare potueris et consolando et prope aeque dolendo, facile ex eo intellego, quod litteris lectis aliquantum adquievi.
I indeed, Servius, could wish, as you write, that you had been present in my most heavy misfortune; for how much you, being present, would have been able to help me both by consoling and by grieving almost equally, I easily understand from this, that upon reading your letter I have found some rest.
nam et ea scripsisti, quae levare luctum possent, et in me consolando non mediocrem ipse animi dolorem adhibuisti.
For you both wrote those things which could lighten my grief, and in consoling me you yourself displayed no small pain of mind.
Servius tamen tuus omnibus officiis, quae illi tempori tribui potuerunt, declaravit et quanti ipse me faceret et quam suum talem erga me animum tibi gratum putaret fore. cuius officia iucundiora scilicet saepe mihi fuerunt, numquam tamen gratiora.
Yet your Servius, by all the duties which could be rendered to that occasion, declared both how highly he himself valued me and how pleasing he thought his such disposition towards me would be to you; whose services to be sure have often been more pleasant to me, yet never more welcome.
me autem non oratio tua solum et societas paene aegritudinis, sed etiam auctoritas consolatur; turpe enim esse existimo me non ita ferre casum meum, ut tu tali sapientia praeditus ferendum putas.
Now, not only your speech and almost shared sorrow consoles me, but also your authority; for I think it is shameful that I do not bear my misfortune in such a way as you, endowed with such wisdom, think it ought to be borne.
sed opprimor interdum et vix resisto dolori, quod ea me solacia deficiunt, quae ceteris, quorum mihi exempla propono, simili in fortuna non defuerunt.
But I am sometimes overwhelmed and with difficulty resist the grief, because those consolations fail me which did not fail others in a similar fortune, whose examples I set before myself.
nam et Q. Maximus, qui filium consularem clarum virum et magnis rebus gestis, amisit, et L. Paullus, qui duo septem diebus, et vester Galus et M. Cato, qui summo ingenio, summa virtute filium perdidit, iis temporibus fuerunt, ut eorum luctum ipsorum dignitas consolaretur ea, quam ex re publica consequebantur; §4.6.2mihi autem amissis ornamentis iis, quae ipse commemoras, quaeque eram maximis laboribus adeptus, unum manebat illud solacium, quod ereptum est.
For both Q. Maximus, who lost a son of consular rank, an illustrious man and of great achievements, and L. Paullus, who lost two within seven days, and your relative Galus, and M. Cato, who lost a son of the highest intellect and highest virtue, lived in times of such a kind that their own dignity, which they derived from the republic, consoled their grief; but for me, after losing those honors which you yourself mention, and which I had acquired with the greatest labors, there remained only that one consolation, which has now been snatched away.
non amicorum negotiis, non rei publicae procuratione impediebantur cogitationes meae, nihil in foro agere libebat, aspicere curiam non poteram, existimabam, id quod erat, omnis me et industriae meae fructus et fortunae perdidisse.
My thoughts were not hindered by the business of friends, nor by the administration of the republic; I had no pleasure in doing anything in the forum, I could not bear to look at the senate house; I estimated, which was indeed the case, that I had lost all the fruits both of my industry and of fortune.
sed, cum cogitarem haec mihi tecum et cum quibusdam esse communia, et cum frangerem iam ipse me cogeremque illa ferre toleranter,,habebam quo confugerem, ubi conquiescerem, cuius in sermone et suavitate omnis curas doloresque deponerem.
But, when I thought that these things were common to me with you and with certain others, and when I was already subduing myself and forcing myself to bear those things with tolerance, I had a place where I might flee, where I might find rest, in whose conversation and sweetness I might lay aside all cares and pains.
nunc autem hoc tam gravi vulnere etiam illa, quae consanuisse videbantur, recrudescunt non enim, ut tum me a re publica maestum domus excipiebat, quae levaret, sic nunc domo maerens ad rem publicam confugere possum, ut in eius bonis adquiescam.
But now, by this so heavy wound, even those things which seemed to have healed break out afresh; for not, as then the home welcomed me sad from the republic, which might comfort me, so now mourning from home can I flee to the republic, so that I may find rest in its good things.
itaque et domo absum et foro, quod nec eum dolorem quem de re publica capio, domus iam consolari potest nec domesticum res publica.
And so I absent myself both from home and from the forum, because neither can my home now console that pain which I receive from the republic, nor the republic console my domestic pain.
§4.6.3quo magis te exspecto teque videre quam primum cupio; maius mihi solacium adferre ratio nulla potest quam coniunctio consuetudinis sermonumque nostrorum; quamquam sperabam tuum adventum (sic enim audiebam) appropinquare.
On which account I expect you the more and desire to see you as soon as possible; no means can bring me greater consolation than the union of our intercourse and conversations; although I was hoping that your arrival (for so I was hearing) was drawing near.
ego autem cum multis de causis te exopto quam primum videre, tum etiam ut ante commentemur inter nos, qua ratione nobis traducendum sit hoc tempus, quod est totum ad unius voluntatem accommodandum et prudentis et liberalis et, ut perspexisse videor, nec a me alieni et tibi amicissimi.
But I desire to see you as soon as possible, as for many reasons, so also that we may beforehand deliberate between ourselves by what method we must pass this time, which must be adapted entirely to the will of one man, both prudent and liberal and, as I seem to have perceived, neither estranged from me and most friendly to you.
quod cum ita sit, magnae tamen est deliberationis, quae ratio sit ineunda nobis non agendi aliquid, sed illius concessu et beneficio quiescendi.
Since this is so, yet it is a matter of great deliberation, what method we must adopt, not of doing something, but of keeping quiet by his permission and favor.
vale.
Farewell.