§15.15.1etsi uterque nostrum spe pacis et odio civilis sanguinis abesse a belli pertinacia voluit, tamen quoniam eius consili princeps ego fuisse videor, plus fortasse tibi praestare ipse debeo quam a te exspectare; etsi ut saepe soleo mecum recordari, sermo familiaris meus tecum et item mecum tuus adduxit utrumque nostrum ad id consilium, ut uno proelio putaremus, si non totam causam, at certe nostrum iudicium definiri convenire.
Although both of us, out of hope for peace and hatred of civil bloodshed, wished to keep aloof from persistent warfare, yet, since I seem to have been the leader in that decision, I ought perhaps to perform more for you than to expect from you; although, as I often recall with myself, my friendly conversation with you and likewise yours with me led each of us to that decision, so that we thought that by a single battle, if not the whole cause, at least our own judgment was fittingly to be decided.
neque quisquam hanc nostram sententiam vere umquam reprehendit praeter eos qui arbitrantur melius esse deleri omnino rem p. quam imminutam et debilitatam manere; ego autem ex interitu eius nullam spem scilicet mihi proponebam, ex reliquus magnam.
Nor has anyone ever truly found fault with this opinion of ours, except those who think it better for the republic to be utterly destroyed than to remain impaired and weakened; whereas I, of course, set before myself no hope from its ruin, but great hope from what was left of it.
§15.15.2sed ea sunt consecuta, ut m agis mirum sit accidere illa potuisse quam nos non vidisse ea futura nec homines cum essemus, divinare potuisse.
But such things followed that it is more surprising that those things could have happened than that we did not foresee that they would happen, and could not, being but men, divine them.
equidem fateor meam coniecturam hanc fuisse, ut illo quasi quodam fatali proelio facto et victores communi saluti consuli vellent et victi suae; utrumque autem positum esse arbitrabar in celeritate victoris.
Indeed, I confess that my conjecture was this: that once that, as it were, fatal battle had been fought, both the victors would wish that consultation be made for the common safety and the vanquished for their own; but I judged that both of these depended on the speed of the victor.
quae si fuisset, eandem clementiam experta esset Africa quam cognovit Asia, quam etiam Achaia te, ut opinor, ipso legato ac deprecatore.
If that had been present, Africa would have experienced the same clemency that Asia came to know, and which even Achaia experienced, with you yourself, as I think, acting as legate and intercessor.
amissis autem temporibus, quae plurimum valent, praesertim in bellis civilibus, interpositus annus alios induxit ut victoriam sperarent, alios ut ipsum vinci contemnerent.
But when opportunities, which have the greatest weight, especially in civil wars, were lost, the intervening year induced some to hope for victory and others to despise defeat itself.
atque horum malorum omnium culpam fortuna sustinet; quis enim aut Alexandrini belli tantam moram huic bello adiunctum iri aut nescio quem istum Pharnacem Asiae terrorem inlaturum putaret?
And fortune bears the blame for all these evils; for who would have thought either that so great a delay of the Alexandrian war would be added to this war, or that that Pharnaces of yours, whoever he is, would bring terror to Asia?
§15.15.3nos tamen in consilio pari casu dissimili usi sumus.
We, however, though we shared a like policy, have met with unlike fortune.
tu enim eam partem petisti, ut et consiliis interesses et, quod maxime curam levat, futura animo prospicere posses; ego qui festinavi ut Caesarem in Italia viderem (sic enim arbitrabamur) eumque multis honestissimis viris conservatis redeuntem ad pacem 'currentem,' ut aiunt, 'incitarem,' ab illo longissime et absum et afui.
For you sought that region where you might both be present at counsels and, which most relieves anxiety, be able to foresee future events in your mind; while I, who hastened so that I might see Caesar in Italy (for so we thought) and spur him on—who was returning to peace after preserving many most honorable men—as they say, "when he was already running," have been and am at the greatest distance from him.
versor autem in gemitu Italiae et in urbis miserrimis querelis; quibus aliquid opis fortasse ego pro mea, tu pro tua, pro sua quisque parte ferre potuisset, si auctor adfuisset.
Moreover, I am living amidst the groans of Italy and the most wretched complaints of the city; to which perhaps I for my part, you for yours, and each for his own part, might have brought some help, if a leader had been present.
§15.15.4qua re velim pro tua perpetua erga me benevolentia scribas ad me quid videas, quid sentias, quid exspectandum, quid agendum nobis existimes.
Therefore, I would like you, in accordance with your constant goodwill toward me, to write to me what you see, what you feel, what you think must be expected, and what must be done by us.
Magni erunt mihi tuae litterae atque utinam primis illis quas Luceria miseras paruissem! sine ulla enim molestia dignitatem meam retinuissem.
Your letter will be of great value to me; and would that I had obeyed those first letters which you had sent from Luceria! For without any trouble I should have retained my dignity.