§10.18.1quid in animo habuerim, cum Laevus Nervaque discesserunt a me, et ex litteris, quas eis dedi, et ex ipsis cognoscere potuisti, qui omnibus rebus consiliisque meis interfuerunt.
What I had in mind when Laevus and Nerva departed from me, you could have learned both from the letters I gave them and from themselves, who were present at all my affairs and counsels.
accidit mihi, quod homini pudenti et cupido satis faciendi rei p. bonisque omnibus accidere solet, ut consilium sequerer periculosum magis, dum me probarem, quam tutum, quod habere posset obtrectationem.
It happened to me, as is wont to happen to a man of self-respect and eager to satisfy the republic and all good men, that I followed a plan more dangerous, while I was proving myself, than a safe one which might bring detraction.
§10.18.2itaque post discessum legatorum cum binis continuis litteris et Lepidus me ut venirem rogaret, et Laterensis multo etiam magis prope implorans obtestaretur non ullam rem aliam extimescens quam eandem, quae mihi quoque facit timorem, varietatem atque infidelitatem exercitus eius, non dubitandum putavi quin succurrerem meque communi periculo offerrem.
Therefore, after the departure of the envoys, when with two successive letters Lepidus asked me to come, and Laterensis, almost imploring, entreated me even much more, fearing no other thing than the very same which also causes fear to me, namely, the volatility and untrustworthiness of his army, I thought I ought not to hesitate to bring help and offer myself to the common danger.
sciebam enim, etsi cautius illud erat consilium exspectare me ad Isaram dum Brutus traiceret exercitum, et cum conlega consentiente, exercitu concordi ac bene de re p. sentiente, sicut milites faciunt, hostibus obviam ire, tamen, si quid Lepidus bene sentiens detrimenti cepisset, hoc omne adsignatum iri aut pertinaciae meae aut timori videbam, si aut hominem offensum mihi, coniunctum cum re p. non sublevassem aut ipse a certamine belli tam necessari me removissem.
For although that was a more cautious plan, to wait at the Isara until Brutus crossed with his army, and, with a consenting colleague, with an army harmonious and well-disposed towards the republic, as soldiers do, to go to meet the enemy, yet I saw that if Lepidus, though well-intentioned, should receive any harm, all this would be imputed either to my obstinacy or to my fear, if I had either not succored a man offended with me but allied with the republic, or had removed myself from a contest of so necessary a war.
§10.18.3itaque potius periclitari volui, a si possem mea praesentia et Lepidum tueri et exercitum facere meliorem quam nimis cautus videri.
So I preferred to run a risk, if by my presence I could both protect Lepidus and make his army better, rather than to appear too cautious.
sollicitiorem certe hominem non suis contractis neminem puto fuisse.
Certainly, I think no man was ever more anxious from troubles not contracted by his own fault.
nam quae res nullam habebat dubitationem, si exercitus Lepidi absit, ea nunc magnam adfert sollicitudinem magnumque habet casum.
For the matter which would have involved no doubt if Lepidus's army were absent, now brings great anxiety and has great hazard.
mihi enim si contigisset ut, prior occurrerem Antonio, non me hercules horam constitisset tantum ego et mihi confido et sic perculsas illius copias Ventidique mulionis castra despicio; sed non possum non exhorrescere, si quid intra cutem subest vulneris, quod prius nocere potest quam sciri curarique possit.
Indeed, if it had been my lot to meet Antony first, by Hercules, he would not have stood for an hour, so much do I trust in myself, and so much do I despise his shattered forces and the camp of Ventidius the muleteer; but I cannot help shuddering if there is any wound lurking beneath the skin, which can do harm before it can be known and cured.
sed certe, nisi uno loco me tenerem, magnum periculum ipse Lepidus, magnum' ea pars exercitus adiret, quae bene de re p. sentit.
But certainly, unless I kept myself in one place, Lepidus himself would run a great risk, and so would that part of the army which feels well towards the republic.
magnam etiam perditi hostes accessionem sibi fecissent, si quas copias a Lepido abstraxissent.
The ruined enemies would also have made a great addition to themselves if they had drawn off any forces from Lepidus.
quae si adventus meus represserit, agam gratias fortunae constantiaeque meae, quae me ad hanc experientiam excitavit.
If my arrival shall have checked these things, I will return thanks to fortune and to my constancy, which aroused me to this trial.
§10.18.4itaque a. d. xv K. Iun. ab Isara castra movi; pontem tamen, quem in Isara feceram, castellis duobus ad capita positis reliqui praesidiaque ibi firma posui, ut venienti Bruto exercituique eius sine mora transitus esset paratus.
Therefore on the 18th of May I moved my camp from the Isara; yet the bridge which I had made over the Isara I left with two forts placed at its ends, and I stationed strong garrisons there, so that for Brutus, when he came, and for his army, a passage might be ready without delay.
ipse, ut spero, diebus viii, quibus has litteras dabam, cum Lepidi copiis me coniungam.
I myself, as I hope, within eight days from the day I dispatch this letter, will join my forces with those of Lepidus.