§1Hos quos videtis stare hic captivos duos, §2†illi qui astant, hi stant ambo, non sedent; §3hoc vos mihi testes estis me verum loqui.
These two captives whom you see standing here, †those who stand nearby—these two are both standing, not sitting; of this you are my witnesses, that I am speaking the truth.
§4senex qui hic habitat Hegio est huius pater.
The old man who lives here is Hegio, the father of this one.
But in what manner he is serving his own father, that I will declare here before you, if you give me your attention.
§7seni huic fuerunt filii nati duo; §8alterum quadrimum puerum servos surpuit §9eumque hínc profugiens vendidit in Alide §10patri huius.
This old man had two sons born to him; one of them, when a four-year-old boy, a slave stole, and fleeing from here, sold him in Alis to the father of this one.
iam hoc tenetis? optume est.
Do you grasp this now? Excellent.
§11negát hercle ille ultimus.
By Hercules, that fellow in the very back says no.
accedito.
Come closer.
If there is no place for you to sit, there is a place for you to walk, since you compel an actor to beg.
§14ego me tua causa, ne erres, non rupturus sum.
I am not going to burst my lungs for your sake, lest you mistake.
You who are able to be rated by your own wealth, receive what is remaining: I do not care to be in debt.
§17fugitivos ille, ut dixeram ante, huius patri §18domo quém profugiens dominum abstulerat vendidit.
That runaway slave, as I said before, to the father of this one sold the master whom he had stolen away when fleeing from his home.
After he bought him, he gave him to this son of his as his personal slave, because they were of about the same age.
He now serves his own father at home, and the father does not know it; indeed, the gods treat us humans like playballs.
§23rationem habetis, quo modo unum amiserit.
You have the account of how he lost one son.
§24postquam belligerant Aetoli cum Aleis, §25ut fit in bello, capitur alter filius: §26medicus Menarchus emit ibidem in Alide.
After the Aetolians waged war with the Alians, as happens in war, the other son is captured: Menarchus, a physician, bought him there in Alis.
§27coepit captivos commercari hic Aleos, §28si quem reperire possit qui mutet suom, §29illum captivom: hunc suom esse nescit, qui domist.
This Hegio here began to buy up Alian captives, to see if he could find anyone to exchange for his own son— that captive son: he does not know that this one, who is at home, is his own.
§30et quoniam heri indaudivit, de summo loco §31summoque genere captum esse equitem Aleum, §32nil pretio parsit, filio dum parceret: §33reconciliare ut facilius posset domum, §34emít hosce e praeda ambos de quaestoribus.
And since yesterday he heard a rumor that an Alian knight of the highest rank and of the noblest birth had been captured, he spared no expense, provided he might spare his son: so that he might more easily recover him home, he bought both of these men from the quaestors out of the booty.
§35hisce autem inter sese hunc confinxerunt dolum, §36quo pacto hic servos suom erum hinc amittat domum.
But these two devised this trick between themselves, in what way this slave might send his master from here back home.
§37itaque inter se commutant vestem et nomina; §38illic vocatur Philocrates, hic Tyndarus: §39huius íllic, hic illius hodie fert imaginem.
And so they exchange their clothes and names between themselves; that one is called Philocrates, this one Tyndarus: today that one bears the persona of this one, and this one of that one.
§40et hic hódie expediet hanc docte fallaciam, §41et suom erum faciet libertatis compotem, §42eodemque pacto fratrem servabit suom §43reducemque faciet liberum in patriam ad patrem, §44imprudens: itidem ut saepe iam in multis locis §45plus insciens quis fecit quam prudens boni.
And this one today will cleverly carry out this deceit, and will make his master possessor of his liberty, and in the same way he will save his own brother and restore him free to his father in his native land, unknowingly: just as often already in many places a person has done more good unknowingly than with intention.
§46sed inscientes sua sibi fallacia §47ita compararunt et confinxerunt dolum §48itaque hi commenti, de sua sententia §49ut in sérvitute hic ad suom maneat patrem: §50ita nunc ignorans suo sibi servit patri; §51homunculi quanti sunt, quom recogito!
But unknowingly, by their own deceit, they have so arranged and contrived their plot, and thus they have devised it of their own accord, that this one remains in slavery with his own father: Thus now, in ignorance, he serves his own father; How worthless are petty humans, when I reflect on it!
§52haec res agetur nobis, vobis fabula.
This event will be acted out by us, and will be a play for you.
§53sed etiam est, paucis vos quod monitos voluerim.
But there is also something else that I would wish to warn you of in a few words.
§54profecto expediet fabulae huic operam dare.
Surely it will be worth your while to attend to this play.
§55non pertractate facta est neque item ut ceterae: §56neque spurcidici insunt versus, immemorabiles; §57hic neque periurus leno est nec meretrix mala §58neque miles gloriosus; ne vereamini, §59quia bellum Aetolis esse dixi cum Aleis: §60foris íllic extra scaenam fient proelia.
It has not been composed in a hackneyed manner, nor is it like the other plays: nor are there obscene verses in it, unfit to be remembered; here is neither a perjured pander, nor a wicked courtesan, nor a braggart soldier; do not be afraid, because I said that there is a war between the Aetolians and the Alians: the battles will take place over there, outside, off the stage.
For it is almost unfair, with a comic apparatus, for us suddenly to attempt to act a tragedy.
§63proin si quis pugnam expectat, litis contrahat: §64valentiorem nactus adversarium §65si erit, ego faciam ut pugnam inspectet non bonam, §66adeo ut spectare postea omnis oderit.
Therefore, if anyone expects a battle, let him start a lawsuit: if he finds a stronger adversary, I will make him look upon an unpleasant fight, to such a degree that he will ever after hate to look at any fight.
§67abeo.
I am off.
valete, iudices iustissimi §68domi duellique duellatores optumi.
Farewell, most just judges most excellent warriors at home and in war.
The youth have given me the name of Scortum, for this reason, because I am accustomed to being uninvited at banquets.
I know that mockers say this is absurdly spoken, but I say it is correct.
nam scortum in convivio §73sibi amator, talos quom iacit, scortum invocat.
For a mistress in a banquet, a lover, when he throws the dice, invokes the mistress for himself.
§74estne invocatum an non est? est planissume;
Is she invoked or is she not? Most clearly she is;