§408neque ego umquam nisi hodie ad Bacchas veni in Bacchanal coquinatum, §409ita me miserum et meos discipulos fustibus male contuderunt.
(Congrio) I have never, except today, come to the Bacchae into a Bacchanal to cook, so badly have they beaten me and my disciples with clubs.
§410totús doleo atque oppidó perii, ita me íste habuit senex gýmnasium; §411áttat, perii hercle ego miser,
I am sore all over and utterly ruined, so did that old man treat me as a gymnasium; look, by Hercules, I am ruined, wretch that I am!
scio quam rem geram: hoc §412aipsús magistér me dócuit.
I know how to act: this the master himself taught me.
§413neque lígna ego usquam gentium praebéri vidi púlchrius, §414itaque ómnis exegit foras, me atque hos, onustos fustibus.
Nor did I ever see firewood provided more handsomely anywhere in the world, and so he has driven everyone out, me and these men, loaded with clubs.
§415Redi.
(Euclio) Return.
quó fugis nunc? téne, tene.
Where are you fleeing now? Hold him, hold him!
§415bQuid, stólide, clamas?
(Congrio) Why, you blockhead, are you shouting?
§416Quia ad trís viros iam ego déferam nomén tuom.
(Euclio) Because I will report your name to the three magistrates right now.
§416bQuam ob rem?
(Congrio) For what reason?
§417Quia cultrum habes.
(Euclio) Because you have a knife.
§417bCocum decet.
(Congrio) It is fitting for a cook.
§418bIstud male factum arbitror, quia nón latus fódi.
(Congrio) I think that was a bad mistake, because I didn't pierce your flank.
§419Homo nullust te scelestior qui vivat hodie, §420neque quoi égo de industria ámplius male plús libens fáxim.
(Euclio) There is no man more wicked than you living today, nor anyone to whom I would more willingly and deliberately do more harm.
§421Pol etsí taceas, palam id quidem est: res ipsa testist; §422ita fustibus sum mollior magis quam úllus cinaédus.
(Congrio) By Pollux, even if you are silent, that indeed is plain: the thing itself is witness; so am I softer with clubs than any catamite.
§423sed quid tibi nos tactiost, mendice homo?
But what business have you touching us, you beggar?
§423bQuae res?
(Euclio) What is that?
§424etiam rogitas? an quia minus quam aéquom erat feci?
(Euclio) Do you still ask? Or is it because I did less than what was fair?
§425Sine, at hércle cum magnó malo tuo, si hóc caput séntit.
(Congrio) Stop, but by Hercules, it will be to your great harm, if this head has any feeling.
§426Pol ego haud scio quid post fuat: tuom núnc caput séntit.
(Euclio) By Pollux, I do not know what may happen later: your head feels it now.
§427sed in aedibus quid tibi meis nam erat negoti
But what business, pray, did you have in my house in my absence, unless I had ordered it?
§428me absente, nisi ego iusseram? volo scíre.
I want to know.
§428bTace érgo.
(Congrio) Be quiet then.
§429quia venimus coctum ad nuptias.
Because we came to cook for the wedding.
(Euclio) Why, plague take you, do you care whether I eat it raw or cooked, unless you are my guardian?
§431Volo scire, sínas an non sinas nos coquere hic cenam?
(Congrio) I want to know, will you allow us or not allow us to cook dinner here?
§432Volo scire ego item, meae domi mean sálva futura?
(Euclio) I likewise want to know, will my things be safe at my home?
(Congrio) I only wish I could take away safe what I brought myself: I am well satisfied not to seek yours.
§434bScio, né doce, novi.
(Euclio) I know, don't teach me, I understand.
§435Quid est quá prohibes nunc gratia nos coquere hic cenam?
(Congrio) What is the reason for which you now forbid us to cook dinner here?
§436quid fecimus, quid diximus tibi secus quam velles?
What have we done, what have we said to you contrary to your wishes?
§437Etiam rogitas, sceleste homo, qui angulós in omnis §438mearum aedium et conclavium mihi pervium facitis?
(Euclio) Do you still ask, you scoundrel, you who make a passage for yourselves into all the corners of my house and rooms?
§439ibi ubí tibi erat negotium, ad focum si adesses, §440non fissile auferres caput: merito id tibi factum est.
If you had stayed near the hearth, where your business was, you wouldn't have gone away with a split head: it was done to you deservedly.
§441adeo ut tu meam sententiam iam noscere possis: §442si ad ianuam huc accesseris, nisi iussero, propius, §443ego te faciam miserrimus mortalis uti sis.
So that you may now know my decision: if you come any closer to this door, unless I order it, I will make you the most miserable mortal alive.
Now you know my decision.— (Congrio) Where are you going? Come back again.
§445ita me bene amet Laverna, uti te iam, nisi reddi §446mihí vasá iubes, pípulo hic differam ante aédis.
So may Laverna love me, if you do not now order my vessels to be returned to me, I will tear you to pieces here with shouting before the house!
§447quíd ego nunc agám? ne ego edepol véni huc auspició malo.
What shall I do now? By Pollux, I indeed came here under an evil omen.
§448nummo sum conductus: plus iam medico mercedest opus.
I was hired for a single coin: now I need more money for a doctor.
§449Hoc quidem hercle, quoquo íbo, mecum erit, mecum feram, §450neque isti id in tantis periclis umquam committam ut siet.
(Euclio) This indeed, by Hercules, wherever I go, shall be with me, I will carry it with me, nor will I ever entrust it to be there in such great dangers.
§451ite sane nunciam omnes, et coqui et tibicinae, §452etiam íntro duce, si vis, vel gregem venalium, §453coquite, facite, festinate nunciam quantum libet.
Go inside now, all of you, both cooks and flute-players, lead in even a herd of venal slaves, if you wish, cook, perform, hasten now as much as you please.
§454Temperi, postquam implevisti fusti fissorum caput.
(Congrio) In good time, after you have filled my head with split parts from the club.
§455Intro abite, opera huc conducta est vostra, non oratio.
(Euclio) Go inside, your labor was hired here, not your talk.
§456Heus, senex, pro vapulando hercle égo abs te mercedem petam.
(Congrio) Hey, old man, by Hercules, I will seek wages from you for being beaten.
§457coctum ego, non vapulatum, dudum conductus fui.
I was hired just now to cook, not to be beaten.
§458Lege agito mecum.
(Euclio) Go to law with me.
molestus ne sis.
Do not be troublesome.
i et cenam coque, §459aut abi in malum cruciatum ab aedibus.
Go and cook the dinner, or go to the gallows from my house.
di immortales, facinus audax incipit §461qui cum opulento pauper homine coepit rem habere aut negotium.
Immortal gods, it is a bold deed that begins when a poor man begins to have business or affairs with a rich man.