§1Hoc agite sultis, spectatores, nunciam, §2quae quidem mihi atque vobis res vertat bene §3gregique huíc et dominis atque conductoribus.
Attend to this now, please, spectators, which thing indeed may turn out well for me and you, and for this troupe, and the owners, and the directors.
§4face nunciam tu, praeco, omnem auritum poplum.
Now, herald, make the entire crowd all ears.
§5age nunc reside, cave modo ne gratiis.
Come now, sit down, only take care not to do so for nothing.
§6nunc quid processerim huc et quid mihi voluerim §7dicam: ut sciretis nomen huius fabulae; §8nam quod ad argumentum attinet, sane brevest.
Now, why I have come out here and what I wanted I will tell: so that you may know the name of this play; for as far as the plot is concerned, it is indeed very short.
§9nunc quod me dixi velle vobis dicere, §10dicam: húic nomen graece Onagost fabulae; §11Demophilus scripsit, Maccus vortit barbare; §12Asinariam volt esse, si per vos licet.
Now, what I said I wanted to tell you, I will tell: the name of this play in Greek is Onagos; Demophilus wrote it, Maccus translated it into the foreign tongue; he wishes it to be Asinaria, if it is permitted by you.
There is wit and playfulness in this comedy, it is a laughable matter.
date benigne operam mihi, §15ut vos, ut alias, pariter nunc Mars adiuvet.
Kindly give me your attention, so that Mars may now help you equally, as at other times.
§16Sicut tuom vis unicum gnatum tuae §17superesse vitae sospitem et superstitem, §18ita ted obtestor per senectutem tuam §19perque illam, quam tu metuis, uxorem tuam, §20si quid med erga hodie falsum dixeris, §21ut tibi superstes uxor aetatem siet §22atque illa viva vivos ut pestem oppetas.
Just as you wish your only son to survive your own life, safe and surviving, so I adjure you by your old age, and by that wife of yours, whom you fear, if you tell me anything false today, may your wife survive you for her lifetime, and while she is alive, may you, living, meet your ruin.
You ask by Dius Fidus: for me, bound by oath, I see it is necessary to speak out whatever you ask.
§27proinde actutum istuc quid sit quod scire expetis §28eloquere: ut ipse scibo, te faciam ut scias.
Therefore, immediately, what that is which you desire to know, speak out: as I myself shall know, I will make you know.
Tell me, I beseech you by Hercules, seriously what I ask you, beware of telling me any lie.
§30bQuin tu ergo rogas?
Why don't you ask then?
§31Num me illuc ducis, ubi lapis lapidem terit?
Are you leading me to that place where stone grinds stone?
§32Quid istúc est? aut ubi istúc est terrarum loci?
What is that? Or where in the world is that place?
At the club-beating, iron-clattering islands, where dead oxen rush upon living men.
By Pollux, I have just grasped, Libanus, what place that is: you mean perhaps where polenta is made.
§37bAh, §38neque hercle ego istuc dico nec dictum volo, §39teque obsecro hercle ut quae locutus es despuas.
Ah, by Hercules, I am neither saying that, nor do I wish it said, and I beseech you by Hercules to spit out what you have spoken.
§40Fiat, geratur mos tibi.
Let it be done, your whim shall be humoured.
§40bAge, age usque excrea.
Come, come, spit it out thoroughly.
§41Etiamne?
Still more?
§41bAge quaeso hercle usque ex penitis faucibus.
Come, I pray by Hercules, all the way from the depths of your throat.
§42etiam amplius.
even more.
§42bNam quo usque?
For how far?
§42cVsque ad mortem volo.
I want it all the way to death.
§43Cave sís malam rem.
Beware, if you please, of trouble.
§43bVxoris dico, non tuam.
I mean your wife's trouble, not yours.
§44_45Dono te ob istuc dictum, ut expers sis metu.
I excuse you because of that saying, so that you may be free from fear.
§46Di tibi dent quaecumque optes.
May the gods grant you whatever you wish.
§46bRedde operam mihi.
Give your attention to me.
§47cur hoc ego ex te quaeram? aut cur miniter tibi
Why should I ask this of you?
§48propterea quod me non scientem feceris?
Or why should I threaten you, on account of your not having made me knowing?
or why, finally, should I be angry with my son, as other fathers do?
§50bQuid istúc novi est?
What new thing is this?
§51demiror quid sit et quo evadat sum in metu.
I wonder what it is and I am in fear as to where it may end.
Indeed I already know that my son loves that courtesan next door, Philaenium.
§54estne hoc ut dico, Libane?
Is this as I say, Libanus?
§54bRectam instas viam.
You are on the right path.
§55ea res est.
That is the matter.
sed eum morbus invasit gravis.
But a serious illness has come upon him.
§56Quid morbi est?
What illness is it?
§56bQuia non suppetunt dictis data.
Because his givings do not match his words.
§57Tune es adiutor nunc amanti filio?
Are you now a helper to your loving son?
§58Sum vero, et alter noster est Leonida.
I am indeed, and our other is Leonida.
§59Bene hercle facitis ét a me initis gratiam.
By Hercules, you do well and you gain favor from me.
§60verum meam uxorem, Libane, nescis qualis sit?
But, Libanus, do you not know what my wife is like?
§61Tu primus sentis, nos tamen in pretio sumus.
You feel it first, yet we pay the price.
§62Fateór eam esse importunam atque incommodam.
I confess she is troublesome and difficult.
§63Posterius istuc dicis quam credo tibi.
You say that later than I believe you.
§64Omnes parentes, Libane, liberis suis, §65qui mi auscultabunt, facient obsequellam† §66quippe quí mage amico utantur gnato et benevolo.
All parents, Libanus, to their children, who will listen to me, will show compliance, inasmuch as they may find their son more of a friend and well-wishing.
§67atque ego me id facere studeo, volo amari a meis; §68volo mé patris mei similem, qui causa mea §69nauclerico ipse ornatu per fallaciam §70quam amabam abduxit ab lenone mulierem; §71neque puduit eum id aetatis sycophantias §72struere et beneficiis me emere gnatum suom sibi.
And indeed I strive to do that, I wish to be loved by my own; I wish myself to be like my father, who for my sake, himself disguised in a skipper's outfit, by a trick, carried off the woman I loved from the pimp; nor was he ashamed, at that age, to weave deceits and by favors to buy me, his own son, for himself.
§73eos mé decretumst persequi mores patris.
I am resolved to follow those habits of my father.