§6δύο γὰρ ταῦτα,
ἔφη,
ὁ βίος ἄριστα δημιουργήματα ἐθεάσατο, τὸν Δία τὸν Ὀλύμπιον καὶ Πρωτέα·
"For these two," he said, "are the finest masterpieces that life has ever beheld: the Olympian Zeus and Proteus.
πλάσται δὲ καὶ τεχνῖται, τοῦ μὲν Φειδίας, τοῦ δὲ ἡ φύσις.
And their creators and craftsmen are, for the former, Phidias, and for the latter, Nature.
ἀλλὰ νῦν ἐξ ἀνθρώπων εἰς θεοὺς τὸ ἄγαλμα τοῦτο οἰχήσεται, ὀχούμενον ἐπὶ τοῦ πυρός, ὀρφανοὺς ἡμᾶς καταλιπόν. ταῦτα ξὺν πολλῷ ἱδρῶτι διεξελθὼν ἐδάκρυε μάλα γελοίως καὶ τὰς τρίχας ἐτίλλετο, ὑποφειδόμενος μὴ πάνυ ἕλκειν· καὶ τέλος ἀπῆγον αὐτὸν λύζοντα μεταξὺ τῶν Κυνικῶν τινες παραμυθούμενοι.
But now this statue is about to depart from among men to the gods, riding upon the fire, leaving us orphans." Having gone through these words with much sweat, he wept in a highly ridiculous manner and tore his hair, taking care not to pull it too hard; and finally some of the Cynics led him away, sobbing as they consoled him.
§7μετὰ δὲ τοῦτον ἄλλος εὐθὺς ἀναβαίνει, οὐ περιμείνας διαλυθῆναι τὸ πλῆθος ἀλλὰ ἐπʼ αἰθομένοις τοῖς προτέροις ἱερείοις ἐπέχει τῶν σπονδῶν.
Immediately after him, another man went up, not waiting for the crowd to disperse, but pouring his libation upon the burning victims of his predecessor.
καὶ τὸ μὲν πρῶτον ἐπὶ πολὺ ἐγέλα καὶ δῆλος ἦν νειόθεν αὐτὸ δρῶν· εἶτα ἤρξατο ὧδέ πως· ἐπεὶ ὁ κατάρατος Θεαγένης τέλος τῶν μιαρωτάτων αὐτοῦ λόγων τὰ Ἡρακλείτου δάκρυα ἐποιήσατο, ἐγὼ κατὰ τὸ ἐναντίον ἀπὸ τοῦ Δημοκρίτου γέλωτος ἄρξομαι. καὶ αὖθις ἐγέλα ἐπὶ πολύ, ὥστε καὶ ἡμῶν τοὺς πολλοὺς ἐπὶ τὸ ὅμοιον ἐπεσπάσατο.
And at first he laughed for a long time, and it was clear that he did so from the depths of his soul; then he began somewhat as follows: "Since the accursed Theagenes ended his most filthy speech with the tears of Heraclitus, I, on the contrary, shall begin with the laughter of Democritus." And again he laughed for a long time, so that he drew most of us into doing the same.
§8εἶτα ἐπιστρέψας ἑαυτόν,
ἢ τί γὰρ ἄλλο,
ἔφη, ὦ ἄνδρες, χρὴ ποιεῖν ἀκούοντας μὲν οὕτω γελοίων ῥήσεων, ὁρῶντας δὲ ἄνδρας γέροντας δοξαρίου καταπτύστου ἕνεκα μονονουχὶ κυβιστῶντας ἐν τῷ μέσῳ;
Then, turning himself, he said: "What else, indeed, gentlemen, is one to do upon hearing such ridiculous speeches, and seeing elderly men almost turning somersaults in public for the sake of a contemptible bit of glory?
ὡς δὲ εἰδείητε οἷόν τι τὸ ἄγαλμά ἐστι τὸ καυθησόμενον, ἀκούσατέ μου ἐξ ἀρχῆς παραφυλάξαντος τὴν γνώμην αὐτοῦ καὶ τὸν βίον ἐπιτηρήσαντος· ἔνια δὲ παρὰ τῶν πολιτῶν αὐτοῦ ἐπυνθανόμην καὶ οἷς ἀνάγκη ἦν ἀκριβῶς εἰδέναι αὐτόν.
But so that you may know what kind of a statue this is that is going to be burned, listen to me, who have observed his character from the beginning and watched his life; and some things I inquired of his fellow-citizens and those who were of necessity bound to know him accurately.
§9τὸ γὰρ τῆς φύσεως τοῦτο πλάσμα καὶ δημιούργημα, ὁ τοῦ Πολυκλείτου κανών, ἐπεὶ εἰς ἄνδρας τελεῖν ἤρξατο, ἐν Ἀρμενίᾳ μοιχεύων ἁλοὺς μάλα πολλὰς πληγὰς ἔλαβεν καὶ τέλος κατὰ τοῦ τέγους ἁλόμενος διέφυγε, ῥαφανῖδι τὴν πυγὴν βεβυσμένος.
For this creation and masterpiece of nature, this 'Canon' of Polyclitus, when he began to be reckoned among men, was caught committing adultery in Armenia, received a great many blows, and finally escaped by leaping from the roof, with a radish stuffed up his backside.
εἶτα μειράκιόν τι ὡραῖον διαφθείρας τρισχιλίων ἐξωνήσατο παρὰ τῶν γονέων τοῦ παιδός, πενήτων ὄντων, μὴ ἐπὶ τὸν ἁρμοστὴν ἀπαχθῆναι τῆς Ἀσίας.
Then, having corrupted a handsome youth, he bought himself off from the boy's parents, who were poor, for three thousand drachmas, so that he might not be dragged before the governor of Asia.
§10ταῦτα καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα ἐάσειν μοι δοκῶ· πηλὸς γὰρ ἔτι ἄπλαστος ἦν καὶ οὐδέπω ἐντελὲς ἄγαλμα ἡμῖν δεδημιούργητο.
These things and things of this sort I think I shall pass over; for he was still unformed clay, and a complete statue had not yet been crafted for us.
ἃ δὲ τὸν πατέρα ἔδρασεν καὶ πάνυ ἀκοῦσαι ἄξιον· καίτοι πάντες ἴστε, καὶ ἀκηκόατε ὡς ἀπέπνιξε τὸν γέροντα, οὐκ ἀνασχόμενος αὐτὸν ὑπὲρ ἑξήκοντα ἔτη ἤδη γηρῶντα.
But what he did to his father is indeed well worth hearing; though you all know and have heard how he strangled the old man, not tolerating him when he was already growing old past sixty years.
εἶτα ἐπειδὴ τὸ πρᾶγμα διεβεβόητο, φυγὴν ἑαυτοῦ καταδικάσας ἐπλανᾶτο ἄλλοτε ἄλλην ἀμείβων.
Then, when the matter became notorious, having condemned himself to exile, he wandered about, changing from one place to another.
§11ὅτεπερ καὶ τὴν θαυμαστὴν σοφίαν τῶν Χριστιανῶν ἐξέμαθεν, περὶ τὴν Παλαιστίνην τοῖς ἱερεῦσιν καὶ γραμματεῦσιν αὐτῶν ξυγγενόμενος.
It was then indeed that he also learned the wonderful wisdom of the Christians, associating with their priests and scribes in Palestine.
καὶ τί γάρ;
And what do you think?
ἐν βραχεῖ παῖδας αὐτοὺς ἀπέφηνε, προφήτης καὶ θιασάρχης καὶ ξυναγωγεὺς καὶ πάντα μόνος αὐτὸς ὤν, καὶ τῶν βίβλων τὰς μὲν ἐξηγεῖτο καὶ διεσάφει, πολλὰς δὲ αὐτὸς καὶ συνέγραφεν, καὶ ὡς θεὸν αὐτὸν ἐκεῖνοι ᾐδοῦντο καὶ νομοθέτῃ ἐχρῶντο καὶ προστάτην ἐπεγράφοντο, μετὰ γοῦν ἐκεῖνον ὃν ἔτι σέβουσι, τὸν ἄνθρωπον τὸν ἐν τῇ Παλαιστίνῃ ἀνασκολοπισθέντα, ὅτι καινὴν ταύτην τελετὴν εἰσῆγεν ἐς τὸν βίον.
In a short time he made them out to be mere children, being prophet, cult-leader, synagogue-director, and everything all by himself; and as for their books, some he explained and made clear, while many he actually wrote himself, and they revered him as a god, made use of him as a lawgiver, and inscribed him as their protector, next, at any rate, to that one whom they still worship, the man who was crucified in Palestine because he introduced this new cult into life.
§12τότε δὴ καὶ συλληφθεὶς ἐπὶ τούτῳ ὁ Πρωτεὺς ἐνέπεσεν εἰς τὸ δεσμωτήριον, ὅπερ καὶ αὐτὸ οὐ μικρὸν αὐτῷ ἀξίωμα περιεποίησεν πρὸς τὸν ἑξῆς βίον καὶ τὴν τερατείαν καὶ δοξοκοπίαν ὧν ἐρῶν ἐτύγχανεν.
It was then, indeed, that Proteus was also arrested on this account and cast into prison, which very thing brought him no small prestige for his subsequent life and the charlatanry and vanity of which he happened to be enamored.
ἐπεὶ δʼ οὖν ἐδέδετο, οἱ Χριστιανοὶ συμφορὰν ποιούμενοι τὸ πρᾶγμα πάντα ἐκίνουν ἐξαρπάσαι πειρώμενοι αὐτόν.
But when he had been bound, the Christians, regarding the matter as a calamity, moved heaven and earth in their attempts to rescue him.
εἶτʼ, ἐπεὶ τοῦτο ἦν ἀδύνατον, ἥ γε ἄλλη θεραπεία πᾶσα οὐ παρέργως ἀλλὰ σὺν σπουδῇ ἐγίγνετο· καὶ ἕωθεν μὲν εὐθὺς ἦν ὁρᾶν παρὰ τῷ δεσμωτηρίῳ περιμένοντα γρᾴδια χήρας τινὰς καὶ παιδία ὀρφανά, οἱ δὲ ἐν τέλει αὐτῶν καὶ συνεκάθευδον ἔνδον μετʼ αὐτοῦ διαφθείραντες τοὺς δεσμοφύλακας.
Then, when this was impossible, all other care was bestowed not as a minor matter but with zeal; and from early dawn one could see waiting by the prison elderly widows and orphan children, while their leaders even slept inside with him, having bribed the jailers.
εἶτα δεῖπνα ποικίλα εἰσεκομίζετο καὶ λόγοι ἱεροὶ αὐτῶν ἐλέγοντο, καὶ ὁ βέλτιστος Περεγρῖνος — ἔτι γὰρ τοῦτο ἐκαλεῖτο — καινὸς Σωκράτης ὑπʼ αὐτῶν ὠνομάζετο.
Then various meals were brought in, and their sacred discourses were spoken, and the excellent Peregrinus—for he was still called by this name—was named by them 'a new Socrates.'"