§33Δίκη
ὁ Διάλογος ἐπὶ τῶν αὐτῶν λέγε.
Justice Dialogue, speak before the same jury.
ὑμεῖς δὲ περιμείνατε, διπλάσιον ἀποισόμενοι τὸν μισθὸν ἐπʼ ἀμφοτέραις ταῖς δίκαις.
And you [gentlemen of the jury], remain, as you will receive double pay for both lawsuits.
Διάλογος
ἐγὼ δέ, ὦ ἄνδρες δικασταί, μακροὺς μὲν ἀποτείνειν τοὺς λόγους οὐκ ἂν ἐβουλόμην πρὸς ὑμᾶς, ἀλλὰ κατὰ μικρὸν ὥσπερ εἴωθα.
Dialogue And I, gentlemen of the jury, would not have wished to stretch out long speeches to you, but rather in a brief manner, just as I am accustomed to.
ὅμως δὲ ὡς νόμος ἐν τοῖς δικαστηρίοις, οὕτω ποιήσομαι τὴν κατηγορίαν ἰδιώτης παντάπασιν καὶ ἄτεχνος τῶν τοιούτων ὤν· καί μοι τοῦτο ἔστω πρὸς ὑμᾶς τὸ προοίμιον.
Nevertheless, since it is the law in the courts, I will make my accusation in this way, though I am altogether a layman and unskilled in such matters; and let this be my introduction to you.
ἃ δὲ ἠδίκημαι καὶ περιύβρισμαι πρὸς τούτου, ταῦτά ἐστιν, ὅτι με σεμνὸν τέως ὄντα καὶ θεῶν τε πέρι καὶ φύσεως καὶ τῆς τῶν ὅλων περιόδου σκοπούμενον, ὑψηλὸν ἄνω που τῶν νεφῶν ἀεροβατοῦντα, ἔνθα ὁ μέγας ἐν οὐρανῷ Ζεὺς πτηνὸν ἅρμα ἐλαύνων φέρεται, κατασπάσας αὐτὸς ἤδη κατὰ τὴν ἁψῖδα πετόμενον καὶ ἀναβαίνοντα ὑπὲρ τὰ νῶτα τοῦ οὐρανοῦ καὶ τὰ πτερὰ συντρίψας ἰσοδίαιτον τοῖς πολλοῖς ἐποίησεν, καὶ τὸ μὲν τραγικὸν ἐκεῖνο καὶ σωφρονικὸν προσωπεῖον ἀφεῖλέ μου, κωμικὸν δὲ καὶ σατυρικὸν ἄλλο ἐπέθηκέ μοι καὶ μικροῦ δεῖν γελοῖον.
And the things in which I have been wronged and insulted by this man are these: namely, that although I was formerly solemn and concerned with the gods, nature, and the revolution of the whole, walking on air high up above the clouds, where great Zeus in heaven is carried driving his winged chariot, he dragged me down when I was already flying along the vault and ascending above the back of heaven, and having shattered my wings, he made me share the same way of life as the crowd. He stripped off that tragic and sober mask of mine, and put another, comic and satyric, and almost ridiculous, mask on me.
εἶτά μοι εἰς τὸ αὐτὸ φέρων συγκαθεῖρξεν τὸ σκῶμμα καὶ τὸν ἴαμβον καὶ κυνισμὸν καὶ τὸν Εὔπολιν καὶ τὸν Ἀριστοφάνη, δεινοὺς ἄνδρας ἐπικερτομῆσαι τὰ σεμνὰ καὶ χλευάσαι τὰ ὀρθῶς ἔχοντα.
Then, bringing me to the same place, he shut me up with mockery, iambus, Cynicism, Eupolis, and Aristophanes—men clever at mocking solemn things and scoffing at what is right.
τελευταῖον δὲ καὶ Μένιππόν τινα τῶν παλαιῶν κυνῶν μάλα ὑλακτικὸν ὡς δοκεῖ καὶ κάρχαρον ἀνορύξας, καὶ τοῦτον ἐπεισήγαγεν μοι φοβερόν τινα ὡς ἀληθῶς κύνα καὶ τὸ δῆγμα λαθραῖον, ὅσῳ καὶ γελῶν ἅμα ἔδακνεν.
Finally, having dug up a certain Menippus, one of the old dogs, who was very barky and sharp-toothed as it seems, he introduced him to me, a truly fearsome dog and one whose bite is secret, inasmuch as he bit while laughing at the same time.
πῶς οὖν οὐ δεινὰ ὕβρισμαι μηκέτʼ ἐπὶ τοῦ οἰκείου διακείμενος, ἀλλὰ κωμῳδῶν καὶ γελωτοποιῶν καὶ ὑποθέσεις ἀλλοκότους ὑποκρινόμενος αὐτῷ;
How, then, have I not been terribly insulted, no longer being situated in my own character, but acting in comedies, playing the buffoon, and performing strange plots for him?
τὸ γὰρ πάντων ἀτοπώτατον, κρᾶσίν τινα παράδοξον κέκραμαι καὶ οὔτε πεζός εἰμι οὔτε ἐπὶ τῶν μέτρων βέβηκα, ἀλλὰ ἱπποκενταύρου δίκην σύνθετόν τι καὶ ξένον φάσμα τοῖς ἀκούουσι δοκῶ.
For, what is most absurd of all, I have been mixed into a certain paradoxical mixture, and I am neither on foot [prose] nor have I stepped on meters [verse], but like a hippocentaur, I seem to my hearers to be a composite and strange phantom.
§34Ἑρμῆς
τί οὖν πρὸς ταῦτα ἐρεῖς, ὦ Σύρε;
Hermes What, then, will you say to these things, O Syrian?
Σῦρος
ἀπροσδόκητον, ὦ ἄνδρες δικασταί, τὸν ἀγῶνα τοῦτον ἀγωνίζομαι παρʼ ὑμῖν·
The Syrian Unexpectedly, gentlemen of the jury, do I contest this suit before you.
πάντα γοῦν μᾶλλον ἂν ἤλπισα ἢ τὸν Διάλογον τοιαῦτα ἐρεῖν περὶ ἐμοῦ, ὃν παραλαβὼν ἐγὼ σκυθρωπὸν ἔτι τοῖς πολλοῖς δοκοῦντα καὶ ὑπὸ τῶν συνεχῶν ἐρωτήσεων κατεσκληκότα, καὶ ταύτῃ αἰδέσιμον μὲν εἶναι δοκοῦντα, οὐ πάντῃ δὲ ἡδὺν οὐδὲ τοῖς πλήθεσι κεχαρισμένον, πρῶτον μὲν αὐτὸν ἐπὶ γῆς βαίνειν εἴθισα εἰς τὸν ἀνθρώπινον τοῦτον τρόπον, μετὰ δὲ τὸν αὐχμὸν τὸν πολὺν ἀποπλύνας καὶ μειδιᾶν καταναγκάσας ἡδίω τοῖς ὁρῶσι παρεσκεύασα, ἐπὶ πᾶσι δὲ τὴν κωμῳδίαν αὐτῷ παρέζευξα, καὶ κατὰ τοῦτο πολλήν οἱ μηχανώμενος τὴν εὔνοιαν παρὰ τῶν ἀκουόντων, οἳ τέως τὰς ἀκάνθας τὰς ἐν αὐτῷ δεδιότες ὥσπερ τὸν ἐχῖνον εἰς τὰς χεῖρας λαβεῖν αὐτὸν ἐφυλάττοντο.
Indeed, I would have expected anything rather than that Dialogue would say such things about me. I received him when he still seemed gloomy to the multitude and was shriveled by constant questionings, and in this respect seemed venerable, but not altogether pleasant nor agreeable to the crowds. First of all, I accustomed him to walk on earth in this human fashion; and having washed away his great dryness and forced him to smile, I made him more pleasant to those who look upon him. Above all, I yoked comedy to him, and by this means contrived much goodwill for him from the hearers, who previously, fearing the thorns in him, were on their guard against taking him into their hands, just like a hedgehog.
ἀλλʼ ἐγὼ οἶδʼ ὅπερ μάλιστα λυπεῖ αὐτόν, ὅτι μὴ τὰ γλίσχρα ἐκεῖνα καὶ λεπτὰ κάθημαι πρὸς αὐτὸν σμικρολογούμενος, εἰ ἀθάνατος ἡ ψυχή, καὶ πόσας κοτύλας ὁ θεὸς ὁπότε τὸν κόσμον εἰργάσατο τῆς ἀμιγοῦς καὶ κατὰ ταὐτὰ ἐχούσης οὐσίας ἐνέχεεν εἰς τὸν κρατῆρα ἐν ᾧ τὰ πάντα ἐκεράννυτο, καὶ εἰ ἡ Ῥητορικὴ πολιτικῆς μορίου εἴδωλον, κολακείας τὸ τέταρτον.
But I know what vexes him most: that I do not sit with him haggling over those sticky and subtle matters, such as whether the soul is immortal, and how many kotylai of the unmixed and self-same essence God poured into the mixing-bowl in which all things were mixed when he fashioned the universe, and whether Rhetoric is an image of a part of politics, the fourth part of flattery.
χαίρει γὰρ οὐκ οἶδʼ ὅπως τὰ τοιαῦτα λεπτολογῶν καθάπερ οἱ τὴν ψώραν ἡδέως κνώμενοι, καὶ τὸ φρόντισμα ἡδὺ αὐτῷ δοκεῖ καὶ μέγα φρονεῖ ἢν λέγηται ὡς οὐ παντὸς ἀνδρός ἐστι συνιδεῖν ἃ περὶ τῶν ἰδεῶν ὀξυδορκεῖ.
For he rejoices, I know not how, in splitting hairs over such things, just like those who gladly scratch an itch; and his contemplation seems sweet to him, and he is very proud if it is said that it is not for every man to understand what he sees so sharply concerning the Ideas.
ταῦτα δηλαδὴ καὶ παρʼ ἐμοῦ ἀπαιτεῖ καὶ τὰ πτερὰ ἐκεῖνα ζητεῖ καὶ ἄνω βλέπει τὰ πρὸ τοῖν ποδοῖν οὐχ ὁρῶν.
These are the things he demands from me, and he seeks those wings of his, and looks upward, not seeing what is before his feet.
ἐπεὶ τῶν γε ἄλλων ἕνεκα οὐκ ἂν οἶμαι μέμψαιτό μοι, ὡς θοἰμάτιον τοῦτο τὸ Ἑλληνικὸν περισπάσας αὐτοῦ βαρβαρικόν τι μετενέδυσα, καὶ ταῦτα βάρβαρος αὐτὸς εἶναι δοκῶν·
For on account of other things, I do not think he would find fault with me, as if I had stripped off this Greek cloak of his and put a barbarian garment on him, and that too though I am thought to be a barbarian myself.
ἠδίκουν γὰρ ἂν τὰ τοιαῦτα εἰς αὐτὸν παρανομῶν καὶ τὴν πάτριον ἐσθῆτα λωποδυτῶν.
For I would be doing wrong by acting unlawfully against him and stealing his ancestral clothing.
ἀπολελόγημαι ὡς δυνατὸν ἐμοί·
I have defended myself as best as I could.
ὑμεῖς δὲ ὁμοίαν τῇ πάλαι τὴν ψῆφον ἐνέγκατε.
And you, cast your vote similar to the former one.
§35Ἑρμῆς
βαβαί, δέκα ὅλαις κρατεῖς·
Hermes Wow! You win by ten whole votes.
ὁ γὰρ αὐτὸς ἐκεῖνος ὁ πάλαι οὐδὲ νῦν ὁμόψηφός ἐστιν.
For that same one from before is not of the same vote even now.
ἀμέλει τοῦτο ἔθος ἐστίν, καὶ πᾶσι τὴν τετρυπημένην οὗτος φέρει· καὶ μὴ παύσαιτο φθονῶν τοῖς ἀρίστοις.
Of course, this is his habit, and he brings the perforated vote to everyone, and may he never cease envying the best.
ἀλλʼ ὑμεῖς μὲν ἄπιτε ἀγαθῇ τύχῃ, αὔριον δὲ τὰς λοιπὰς δικάσομεν.
But you, go with good fortune, and tomorrow we shall judge the remaining cases.