§15Μένιππος
κἀπειδὴ τάχιστα ἐπτερυξάμην, αὐτίκα φῶς με πάμπολυ περιέλαμψε καὶ τὰ τέως λανθάνοντα πάντα διεφαίνετο·
Menippus And as soon as I flapped my wings, immediately a very great light shone around me, and everything that had been hidden until then was clearly revealed.
κατακύψας γοῦν ἐς τὴν γῆν ἑώρων σαφῶς τὰς πόλεις, τοὺς ἀνθρώπους, τὰ γιγνόμενα, καὶ οὐ τὰ ἐν ὑπαίθρῳ μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ ὁπόσα οἴκοι ἔπραττον οἰόμενοι λανθάνειν, Πτολεμαῖον μὲν συνόντα τῇ ἀδελφῇ, Λυσιμάχῳ δὲ τὸν υἱὸν ἐπιβουλεύοντα, τὸν Σελεύκου δὲ Ἀντίοχον Στρατονίκῃ διανεύοντα λάθρα τῇ μητρυιᾷ, τὸν δὲ Θετταλὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ὑπὸ τῆς γυναικὸς ἀναιρούμενον καὶ Ἀντίγονον μοιχεύοντα τοῦ υἱοῦ τὴν γυναῖκα καὶ Ἀττάλῳ τὸν υἱὸν ἐγχέοντα τὸ φάρμακον, ἑτέρωθι δʼ αὖ Ἀρσάκην φονεύοντα τὸ γύναιον καὶ τὸν εὐνοῦχον Ἀρβάκην ἕλκοντα τὸ ξίφος ἐπὶ τὸν Ἀρσάκην, Σπατῖνος δὲ ὁ Μῆδος ἐκ τοῦ συμποσίου πρὸς τῶν δορυφορούντων εἵλκετο ἔξω τοῦ ποδὸς σκύφῳ χρυσῷ τὴν ὀφρὺν κατηλοημένος.
At any rate, leaning down toward the earth, I saw clearly the cities, the people, the things taking place, and not only those in the open air, but also all the things they were doing at home thinking they were hidden—Ptolemy being with his sister, Lysimachus' son plotting against him, Seleucus' son Antiochus making signs secretly to Stratonice his stepmother, Alexander of Thessaly being slain by his wife, and Antigonus committing adultery with his son's wife, and the son pouring poison for Attalus; and elsewhere, on the other hand, Arsaces murdering his wife and the eunuch Arbaces drawing his sword against Arsaces, while Spatines the Mede was being dragged out of the banquet by his heels by the bodyguards, his brow having been smashed with a golden cup.
ὅμοια δὲ τούτοις ἔν τε Λιβύῃ καὶ παρὰ Σκύθαις καὶ Θρᾳξὶ γινόμενα ἐν τοῖς βασιλείοις ἦν ὁρᾶν, μοιχεύοντας, φονεύοντας, ἐπιβουλεύοντας, ἁρπάζοντας, ἐπιορκοῦντας, δεδιότας, ὑπὸ τῶν οἰκειοτάτων προδιδομένους.
And things similar to these could be seen going on in the palaces in Libya, and among the Scythians and the Thracians—adulterying, murdering, plotting, plundering, swearing falsely, fearing, and being betrayed by their closest relations.
§16Μένιππος
καὶ τὰ μὲν τῶν βασιλέων τοιαύτην παρέσχε μοι τὴν διατριβήν, τὰ δὲ τῶν ἰδιωτῶν πολὺ γελοιότερα·
Menippus And while the affairs of the kings provided me with this kind of pastime, those of private individuals were much more ridiculous.
καὶ γὰρ αὖ κἀκείνους ἑώρων, Ἑρμόδωρον μὲν τὸν Ἐπικούρειον χιλίων ἕνεκα δραχμῶν ἐπιορκοῦντα, τὸν Στωϊκὸν δὲ Ἀγαθοκλέα περὶ μισθοῦ τῷ μαθητῇ δικαζόμενον, Κλεινίαν δὲ τὸν ῥήτορα ἐκ τοῦ Ἀσκληπιείου φιάλην ὑφαιρούμενον, τὸν δὲ Κυνικὸν Ἡρόφιλον ἐν τῷ χαμαιτυπείῳ καθεύδοντα.
For indeed I saw them too—Hermodorus the Epicurean swearing falsely for the sake of a thousand drachmas, Agathocles the Stoic going to law with his pupil about his fee, Cleinias the rhetorician stealing a cup from the temple of Asclepius, and Herophilus the Cynic sleeping in a brothel.
τί γὰρ ἂν τοὺς ἄλλους λέγοιμι, τοὺς τοιχωρυχοῦντας, τοὺς δεκαζομένους, τοὺς δανείζοντας, τοὺς ἐπαιτοῦντας;
For why should I mention the others, those breaking into houses, those taking bribes, those lending money, those begging?
ὅλως γὰρ ποικίλη καὶ παντοδαπή τις ἦν ἡ θέα.
For altogether the sight was something varied and manifold.
Ἕταιρος
καὶ μὴν καὶ ταῦτα, ὦ Μένιππε, καλῶς εἶχε λέγειν· ἔοικε γὰρ οὐ τὴν τυχοῦσαν τερπωλήν σοι παρεσχῆσθαι.
Friend Indeed, Menippus, it was well to tell these things too; for it seems no ordinary pleasure was provided to you.
Μένιππος
πάντα μὲν ἑξῆς διελθεῖν, ὦ φιλότης, ἀδύνατον, ὅπου γε καὶ ὁρᾶν αὐτὰ ἔργον ἦν·
Menippus To go through everything in order, my friend, is impossible, since even to see them was a task.
τὰ μέντοι κεφάλαια τῶν πραγμάτων τοιαῦτα ἐφαίνετο οἷά φησιν Ὅμηρος τὰ ἐπὶ τῆς ἀσπίδος· οὗ μὲν γὰρ ἦσαν εἰλαπίναι καὶ γάμοι, ἑτέρωθι δὲ δικαστήρια καὶ ἐκκλησίαι, καθʼ ἕτερον δὲ μέρος ἔθυέ τις, ἐν γειτόνων δὲ πενθῶν ἄλλος ἐφαίνετο·
However, the main points of the affairs appeared like those which Homer says were on the shield; for where there were banquets and weddings, elsewhere there were courts and assemblies, and in another part someone was sacrificing, while next door another appeared mourning.
καὶ ὅτε μὲν ἐς τὴν Γετικὴν ἀποβλέψαιμι, πολεμοῦντας ἂν ἑώρων τοὺς Γέτας· ὅτε δὲ μεταβαίην ἐπὶ τοὺς Σκύθας, πλανωμένους ἐπὶ τῶν ἁμαξῶν ἦν ἰδεῖν· μικρὸν δὲ ἐγκλίνας τὸν ὀφθαλμὸν ἐπὶ θάτερα τοὺς Αἰγυπτίους γεωργοῦντας ἐπέβλεπον, καὶ ὁ Φοῖνιξ ἐνεπορεύετο καὶ ὁ Κίλιξ ἐλῄστευεν καὶ ὁ Λάκων ἐμαστιγοῦτο καὶ ὁ Ἀθηναῖος ἐδικάζετο.
And whenever I looked away toward the Getic land, I would see the Getae making war; and whenever I passed over to the Scythians, they could be seen wandering upon their wagons; and turning my eye a little to the other side, I observed the Egyptians farming, and the Phoenician was trading, and the Cilician was pirating, and the Laconian was being scourged, and the Athenian was going to law.
§17Μένιππος
ἁπάντων δὲ τούτων ὑπὸ τὸν αὐτὸν γινομένων χρόνον ὥρα σοι ἤδη ἐπινοεῖν ὁποῖός τις ὁ κυκεὼν οὗτος ἐφαίνετο.
Menippus And since all these things were happening at the same time, it is time for you now to conceive what kind of hodgepodge this appeared.
ὥσπερ ἂν εἴ τις παραστησάμενος πολλοὺς χορευτάς, μᾶλλον δὲ πολλοὺς χορούς, ἔπειτα προστάξειε τῶν ᾀδόντων ἑκάστῳ τὴν συνῳδίαν ἀφέντα ἴδιον ᾄδειν μέλος, φιλοτιμουμένου δὲ ἑκάστου καὶ τὸ ἴδιον περαίνοντος καὶ τὸν πλησίον ὑπερβαλέσθαι τῇ μεγαλοφωνίᾳ προθυμουμένου — ἆρα ἐνθυμῇ πρὸς Διὸς οἵα γένοιτʼ ἂν ἡ ᾠδή;
Just as if someone, having stationed many dancers, or rather many choruses, should then command each of the singers, abandoning the harmony, to sing his own tune, and each of them being ambitious and performing his own, and eager to surpass his neighbor in the loudness of his voice—do you think, by Zeus, what kind of song it would become?
Ἕταιρος
παντάπασιν, ὦ Μένιππε, παγγέλοιος καὶ τεταραγμένη.
Friend Altogether, Menippus, extremely ridiculous and confused.
Μένιππος
καὶ μήν, ὦ ἑταῖρε, τοιοῦτοι πάντες εἰσὶν οἱ ἐπὶ γῆς χορευταὶ κἀκ τοιαύτης ἀναρμοστίας ὁ τῶν ἀνθρώπων βίος συντέτακται, οὐ μόνον ἀπῳδὰ φθεγγομένων, ἀλλὰ καὶ ἀνομοίων τὰ σχήματα καὶ τἀναντία κινουμένων καὶ ταὐτὸν οὐδὲν ἐπινοούντων, ἄχρι ἂν αὐτῶν ἕκαστον ὁ χορηγὸς ἀπελάσῃ τῆς σκηνῆς οὐκέτι δεῖσθαι λέγων·
Menippus And indeed, my friend, such are all the dancers on earth, and from such discord the life of men is composed, not only uttering discordant sounds, but also moving in dissimilar figures and in opposite directions, and conceiving nothing in common, until the chorus-leader drives each of them off the stage, saying he has no further need of them.
τοὐντεῦθεν δὲ ὅμοιοι πάντες ἤδη σιωπῶντες, οὐκέτι τὴν συμμιγῆ καὶ ἄτακτον ἐκείνην ᾠδὴν ἀπᾴδοντες.
And from then on, all are alike already silent, no longer singing out of tune that mixed and disorderly song.
ἀλλʼ ἐν αὐτῷ γε ποικίλῳ καὶ πολυειδεῖ τῷ θεάτρῳ πάντα μὲν γελοῖα δήπουθεν ἦν τὰ γινόμενα.
But in that very varied and manifold theater, everything that was happening was surely ridiculous.