§661καθωσιώθη πέλανος Ἡφαίστου φλογί, §662κατεκλίναμεν τὸν Πλοῦτον, ὥσπερ εἰκὸς ἦν· §663ἡμῶν δʼ ἕκαστος στιβάδα παρεκαττύετο.
When the barley-cake was consecrated by the flame of Hephaestus, we laid Plutus down to rest, as was proper; and each of us was patching up his own pallet.
§664ἦσαν δέ τινες κἄλλοι δεόμενοι τοῦ θεοῦ;
Were there also some others who needed the god?
§665εἷς μέν γε Νεοκλείδης, ὅς ἐστι μὲν τυφλός, §666κλέπτων δὲ τοὺς βλέποντας ὑπερηκόντικεν· §667ἕτεροί τε πολλοὶ παντοδαπὰ νοσήματα §668ἔχοντες·
Yes, at least one Neocleides, who is blind, indeed, but in stealing has far surpassed those who can see; and many others having all kinds of diseases.
ὡς δὲ τοὺς λύχνους ἀποσβέσας §669ἡμῖν παρήγγειλεν καθεύδειν τοῦ θεοῦ §670ὁ πρόπολος, εἰπών, ἤν τις αἴσθηται ψόφου §671σιγᾶν, ἅπαντες κοσμίως κατεκείμεθα.
But when, having extinguished the lamps, the temple attendant ordered us to sleep, saying that if anyone should perceive a noise, he must keep silent, we all lay down in an orderly manner.
§672κἀγὼ καθεύδειν οὐκ ἐδυνάμην, ἀλλά με §673ἀθάρης χύτρα τις ἐξέπληττε κειμένη §674ὀλίγον ἄπωθεν τῆς κεφαλῆς του γρᾳδίου, §675ἐφʼ ἣν ἐπεθύμουν δαιμονίως ἐφερπύσαι.
And I was not able to sleep, but a certain pot of porridge was driving me out of my mind, lying a little distance away from the head of an old woman, towards which I was marvelously eager to creep.
§676ἔπειτʼ ἀναβλέψας ὁρῶ τὸν ἱερέα §677τοὺς φθοῖς ἀφαρπάζοντα καὶ τὰς ἰσχάδας §678ἀπὸ τῆς τραπέζης τῆς ἱερᾶς· μετὰ τοῦτο δὲ §679περιῆλθε τοὺς βωμοὺς ἅπαντας ἐν κύκλῳ, §680εἴ που πόπανον εἴη τι καταλελειμμένον· §681ἔπειτα ταῦθʼ ἥγιζεν ἐς σάκταν τινά.
Then, looking up, I saw the priest snatching away the round cakes and the dried figs from the sacred table; and after this, he went around all the altars in a circle, to see if any cake might have been left behind anywhere; then he "consecrated" these into a sack.
And I, thinking there was great piety in this deed, stood up to go toward the pot of porridge.
§684ταλάντατʼ ἀνδρῶν οὐκ ἐδεδοίκεις τὸν θεόν;
O most wretched of men! Were you not afraid of the god?
§685νὴ τοὺς θεοὺς ἔγωγε μὴ φθάσειέ με §686ἐπὶ τὴν χύτραν ἐλθὼν ἔχων τὰ στέμματα· §687ὁ γὰρ ἱερεὺς αὐτοῦ με προὐδιδάξατο.
Yes, by the gods, I was—lest he should anticipate me by coming to the pot, wearing his wreaths; for his priest had already instructed me beforehand.
§688τὸ γρᾴδιον δʼ ὡς ᾔσθετο δή μου τὸν ψόφον, §689ἄρασʼ ὑφῄρει· κᾆτα συρίξας ἐγὼ §690ὀδὰξ ἐλαβόμην ὡς παρείας ὢν ὄφις.
But as soon as the old woman perceived my noise, she lifted her hand to hide it; then I, having hissed, took hold with my teeth, as if being a sacred snake.
§691ἡ δʼ εὐθέως τὴν χεῖρα πάλιν ἀνέσπασεν, §692κατέκειτο δʼ αὑτὴν ἐντυλίξασʼ ἡσυχῇ §693ὑπὸ τοῦ δέους βδέουσα δριμύτερον γαλῆς.
And she immediately snatched her hand back again, and lay down, wrapping herself up quietly, farting from fear more sharply than a weasel.
And then I already swallowed down much of the porridge; then, when I was full, I lay down to rest.
§696ὁ δὲ θεὸς ὑμῖν οὐ προσῄειν;
And did the god not approach you?
§696bοὐδέπω.
Not yet.
But after this, I indeed did something quite ridiculous.
προσιόντος γὰρ αὐτοῦ μέγα πάνυ §699ἀπέπαρδον· ἡ γαστὴρ γὰρ ἐπεφύσητό μου.
For as he was approaching, I let out a very loud fart; for my belly was bloated.
§700ἦ πού σε διὰ τοῦτʼ εὐθὺς ἐβδελύττετο.
Surely the god was immediately disgusted with you because of this?
§701οὔκ, ἀλλʼ Ἰασὼ μέν τις ἀκολουθοῦσʼ ἅμα §702ὑπηρυθρίασε χἠ Πανάκειʼ ἀπεστράφη §703τὴν ῥῖνʼ ἐπιλαβοῦσʼ· οὐ λιβανωτὸν γὰρ βδέω.
No, but a certain Iaso, who was following him, blushed slightly, and Panaceia turned away, holding her nose; for I do not fart frankincense.
§704αὐτὸς δʼ ἐκεῖνος;
And he himself?
§704bοὐ μὰ Δίʼ οὐδʼ ἐφρόντισεν.
No, by Zeus, he did not even care.
§705λέγεις ἄγροικον ἄρα σύ γʼ εἶναι τὸν θεόν.
You say then that the god is ill-mannered.
No, by Zeus, I do not, but rather a scavenger. Oh, poor me!
§707μετὰ ταῦτʼ ἐγὼ μὲν εὐθὺς ἐνεκαλυψάμην §708δείσας, ἐκεῖνος δʼ ἐν κύκλῳ τὰ νοσήματα §709σκοπῶν περιῄει πάντα κοσμίως πάνυ.
After this, I immediately covered myself up, fearing, but he went around, examining all the diseases very orderly.
Then a boy placed beside him a stone mortar, a pestle, and a little chest.
§712λίθινον;
Stone?
§712bμὰ Δίʼ οὐ δῆτʼ οὐχὶ τό γε κιβώτιον.
No, by Zeus, not the chest at any rate.
And how did you see, you scoundrel destined to perish, you who say you were covered up?
Through my worn cloak; for by Zeus, it had not a few holes.
§716πρῶτον δὲ πάντων τῷ Νεοκλείδῃ φάρμακον §717καταπλαστὸν ἐνεχείρησε τρίβειν, ἐμβαλὼν §718σκορόδων κεφαλὰς τρεῖς Τηνίων.
First of all, he undertook to rub a plaster as a medicine for Neocleides, throwing in three heads of Tenian garlic.
ἔπειτʼ ἔφλα §719ἐν τῇ θυείᾳ συμπαραμιγνύων ὀπὸν §720καὶ σχῖνον· εἶτʼ ὄξει διέμενος Σφηττίῳ §721κατέπλασεν αὐτοῦ τὰ βλέφαρʼ ἐκστρέψας, ἵνα §722ὀδυνῷτο μᾶλλον.
Then he crushed them in the mortar, mixing in fig-juice and mastic; then, diluting it with Sphettian vinegar, he plastered his eyelids, turning them inside out, so that he might suffer more.
ὁ δὲ κεκραγὼς καὶ βοῶν §723ἔφευγʼ ἀνᾴξας· ὁ δὲ θεὸς γελάσας ἔφη· §724ἐνταῦθα νῦν κάθησο καταπεπλασμένος, §725ἵνʼ ὑπομνύμενον παύσω σε τὰς ἐκκλησίας. §726ὡς φιλόπολίς τίς ἐσθʼ ὁ δαίμων καὶ σοφός.
And he, crying out and shouting, leaped up and fled; and the god, laughing, said: "Now sit there, plastered over, so that I may stop you from obstructing the assembly by taking oaths for delay." How patriotic the god is, and how wise!
§727μετὰ τοῦτο τῷ Πλούτωνι παρεκαθέζετο, §728καὶ πρῶτα μὲν δὴ τῆς κεφαλῆς ἐφήψατο, §729ἔπειτα καθαρὸν ἡμιτύβιον λαβὼν §730τὰ βλέφαρα περιέψησεν· ἡ Πανάκεια δὲ §731κατεπέτασʼ αὐτοῦ τὴν κεφαλὴν φοινικίδι §732καὶ πᾶν τὸ πρόσωπον· εἶθʼ ὁ θεὸς ἐπόππυσεν.
After this, he sat down by Plutus, and first indeed he touched his head, then, taking a clean linen cloth, he wiped his eyelids; and Panaceia covered his head with a purple cloth and his whole face; then the god made a clicking sound.
And two snakes leaped out of the temple, prodigious in size.
§734bὦ φίλοι θεοί.
Oh, friendly gods!
§735τούτω δʼ ὑπὸ τὴν φοινικίδʼ ὑποδύνθʼ ἡσυχῇ §736τὰ βλέφαρα περιέλειχον, ὥς γʼ ἐμοὶ δοκεῖ· §737καὶ πρίν σε κοτύλας ἐκπιεῖν οἴνου δέκα, §738ὁ Πλοῦτος ὦ δέσποινʼ ἀνειστήκει βλέπων· §739ἐγὼ δὲ τὼ χεῖρʼ ἀνεκρότησʼ ὑφʼ ἡδονῆς §740τὸν δεσπότην τʼ ἤγειρον.
And these, slipping quietly under the purple cloth, licked his eyelids, as it seemed to me at least; and before you could drink ten cups of wine, Plutus, o mistress, stood up seeing; and I clapped my hands for joy and woke the master.
ὁ θεὸς δʼ εὐθέως §741ἠφάνισεν αὑτὸν οἵ τʼ ὄφεις ἐς τὸν νεών.
And the god immediately vanished, and the snakes into the temple.