§167ἔστι δ’ ὅτε καὶ περὶ βαθὺν ὄρθρον, ἔτι τῶν ἄλλων ἐν εὐναῖς ὄντων, μηδενὶ φανεὶς τὸ παράπαν ἔξω τείχους προῄει καὶ διημέρευεν ἐπὶ τῆς ἐρημίας, ἐκτρεπόμενος εἴ πού τις ὑπαντήσειν ἔμελλε, καὶ ταῖς ἐναύλοις μνήμαις τῶν κακοπραγιῶν διακναιόμενος καὶ διεσθιόμενος τὴν ψυχήν, ὁ δείλαιος, νυκτὸς εἰσῄει βαθείας, εὐχόμενος διὰ τὰς ἀμέτρους καὶ ἀτελευτήτους ἀδημονίας ἑσπέραν μὲν πρωΐαν γενέσθαι, πεφρικὼς τὸ σκότος καὶ τὰς ἀλλοκότους φαντασίας, ὁπότε τύχοι καταδαρθών, ἅμα δὲ τῇ ἕῳ πάλιν ἑσπέραν· ὁ γὰρ περὶ αὐτὸν ζόφος ἠναντιοῦτο τοῖς φαιδροῖς ἅπασιν.
Sometimes, even at deep dawn, while the others were still in their beds, having appeared to no one at all, he would go forth outside the wall and spend the day in the wilderness, turning aside if anyone was likely to meet him. And being gnawed and eaten away in his soul, wretched man, by the fresh memories of his misdeeds, he would return deep at night, praying because of his immeasurable and endless anxieties that morning might come in the evening—for he dreaded the darkness and the strange phantoms whenever he happened to fall asleep—and at dawn again that it might be evening; for the gloom around him was opposed to all bright things.
§168ὀλίγοις δ’ ὕστερον μησὶ βραχύ τι γῄδιον πριάμενος ἐν αὐτῷ πολλὰ διέτριβε μονούμενος καὶ τὸν οἰκεῖον ἐπιστένων καὶ κατακλαίων δαίμονα.
A few months later, having bought a tiny piece of land, he spent much of his time in it, being alone and groaning over and bewailing his own fate.
§169λέγεται δέ ποτε καὶ περὶ μέσας νύκτας ὥσπερ οἱ κορυβαντιῶντες ἔνθους γενόμενος, ἐκ τῆς ἐπαύλεως ἔξω προελθὼν καὶ τὴν ὄψιν ἀνατείνας εἰς οὐρανὸν καὶ τοὺς ἀστέρας, τὸν ἐν κόσμῳ κόσμον ὄντως ἰδών, ἀναβοῆσαι· §170„βασιλεῦ θεῶν καὶ ἀνθρώπων, οὐκ ἄρα τοῦ τῶν Ἰουδαίων ἔθνους ἀμελῶς ἔχεις, οὐδ’ ἐπιψεύδονται τὴν ἐκ σοῦ πρόνοιαν, ἀλλ’ ὅσοι φασὶν αὐτοὺς μὴ προαγωνιστῇ σοι καὶ ὑπερμάχῳ χρῆσθαι, δόξης ὑγιοῦς διαμαρτάνουσι.
And it is said that once, even around midnight, having become inspired like those who celebrate the Corybantic rites, he went forth out of the farmstead, and raising his eyes to the heaven and the stars, having truly seen the order within the universe, cried out: "O King of gods and men, you do not then neglect the nation of the Jews, nor do they falsely claim the providence that comes from you; but as many as say that they do not have you as a champion and defender, err from sound opinion.
σαφὴς δ’ ἐγὼ πίστις· ὅσα γὰρ κατεμάνην τῶν Ἰουδαίων, αὐτὸς πέπονθα.
And I am a clear proof of this; for all the things that I madly did against the Jews, I have suffered myself.
§171τὰς οὐσίας ἁρπαζομένων περιεῖδον ἐκεχειρίαν τοῖς λεηλατοῦσι διδούς· ἀφῃρέθην διὰ τοῦτο τὰ πατρῷα καὶ μητρῷα καὶ ὅσα ἐν μέρει χάριτος καὶ δωρεᾶς ἔλαβον ἢ ὅσα ἄλλα καθ’ ἑτέρας ἰδέας ἐκτησάμην.
I overlooked the plundering of their possessions, granting a truce to those who pillaged them; for this reason I have been deprived of my paternal and maternal property, and of all that I received by way of favor and gift, or whatever else I acquired in other ways.
§172ὠνείδισά ποτε ἀτιμίαν καὶ ξενιτείαν αὐτοῖς ἐπιτίμοις οὖσι κατοίκοις, ἵν’ ἡσθῶσιν οἱ ἀντίπαλοι, πλῆθος ἀσύντακτον καὶ πεφορημένον, ὑφ’ οὗ κολακευόμενος ὁ δυστυχὴς ἠπατώμην·
I once cast dishonor and foreign status as a reproach upon them when they were honorable inhabitants, in order that their adversaries might be pleased—a disordered and turbulent multitude, by whom I, unhappy man, being flattered, was deceived.
διὰ τοῦτο ἠτίμωμαι καὶ φυγὰς ἐξ ἁπάσης ἐληλαμένος τῆς οἰκουμένης ἐνταυθοῖ συγκέκλεισμαι.
For this reason I have been dishonored, and driven as an exile from the whole inhabited world, I am shut up here.
§173παράγων εἰς τὸ θέατρον ἐνίους ἐν ὄψεσι τῶν ἐχθίστων αἰκίζεσθαι προσέταττον ἀδίκως· τοιγαροῦν ἐγὼ δικαίως οὐκ εἰς θέατρον ἓν ἢ μίαν πόλιν ἐπὶ ταῖς ἐσχάταις ὕβρεσι παρήχθην αἰκισθεὶς πρὸ τοῦ σώματος τὴν ἀθλίαν ψυχήν, ἀλλ’ ἐπόμπευσα διὰ μὲν πάσης Ἰταλίας ἄχρι Βρεντεσίου, διὰ δὲ πάσης Πελοποννήσου μέχρι Κορίνθου, διὰ δὲ τῆς Ἀττικῆς καὶ τῶν νήσων ἄχρις Ἄνδρου, τῆς ἐμῆς εἱρκτῆς.
I unjustly ordered some of them to be tortured in the theater, in the sight of their bitterest enemies; therefore, I have justly been brought out, not to one theater or to one city, for the extreme outrages, having my wretched soul tortured before my body, but I was paraded through all Italy as far as Brundisium, through all Peloponnese as far as Corinth, and through Attica and the islands as far as Andros, my prison.
§174καὶ πέπεισμαι σαφῶς, ὅτι οὐκ ἔστιν ὅρος οὗτος τῶν ἐμῶν κακοπραγιῶν, ἀλλ’ ἐφεδρεύουσιν ἕτεραι πρὸς ἐκπλήρωσιν ἀντίρροπον ὧν εἰργασάμην.
And I am clearly convinced that this is not the limit of my misfortunes, but others are lying in wait for me to fulfill a balance corresponding to what I did.
ἀνεῖλόν τινας καὶ ἀναιρεθεῖσι πρὸς ἑτέρων οὐκ ἐπεξῆλθον· κατελεύσθησάν τινες καὶ ζῶντες οἱ μὲν ἐνεπρήσθησαν, οἱ δὲ διὰ μέσης κατεσύρησαν ἀγορᾶς, ἕως ὅλα τὰ σώματα αὐτοῖς ἐδαπανήθη.
I killed some, and did not prosecute those who were killed by others; some were stoned, and while living, some were burned, and others were dragged through the middle of the marketplace until their whole bodies were destroyed.
§175τούτων οἶδ’ ὅτι ἀναμένουσί με αἱ Ποιναί, καὶ οἱ ἀλάστορες ὥσπερ ἐπὶ βαλβῖσιν ἑστᾶσιν ἤδη καὶ φονῶντες ἔγκεινται, καὶ καθ’ ἑκάστην ἡμέραν, μᾶλλον δὲ ὥραν, προαποθνῄσκω πολλοὺς θανάτους ὑπομένων ἀνθ’ ἑνὸς τοῦ τελευταίου. “ §176πολλάκις δὲ ἐδειματοῦτο καὶ διεπτόητο καὶ φρίκῃ μὲν τὰ μέλη καὶ μέρη τοῦ σώματος κατεσείετο, φόβῳ δ’ ὑπότρομον εἶχε τὴν ψυχὴν ἄσθματι καὶ παλμῷ τινασσομένην, ἅτε τοῦ μόνου παρηγορεῖν τὸν ἀνθρώπινον βίον ἐκ φύσεως δυναμένου στερόμενος, χρηστῆς ἐλπίδος.
For these things I know that the Avengers await me, and the avenging spirits already stand as if at the starting lines and press on, bloodthirsty, and every day, or rather every hour, I die beforehand, undergoing many deaths instead of the one final one." And often he was terrified and dismayed, and his limbs and parts of his body were shaken with shivering, and he held his soul trembling with fear, tossed by panting and throbbing, as one who was deprived of the only thing naturally able to comfort human life, good hope.
§177ὄρνις αἴσιος οὐδεὶς αὐτῷ προυφαίνετο· πάντες δυσοιώνιστοι, κλῃδόνες παλίμφημοι, ἐπίπονος ἐγρήγορσις, περιδεὴς ὕπνος, ἡ μόνωσις θηριώδης.
No auspicious bird appeared to him; all were ill-omened, voices were of bad report, painful was his waking, fearful his sleep, his solitude beast-like.
ἀλλ’ ἥδιστον αὐτῷ τὸ ἀγελαῖον;
But was herd-like company most pleasant to him?
ἀηδέστατον αἱ κατὰ πόλιν διατριβαί·
Most unpleasant were his stayings in the city.
ἀσφαλὲς ὄνειδος ἡ κατ’ ἀγρὸν ἐρημία;
Was the loneliness in the countryside a safe refuge?
σφαλερόν, ἀδυσώπητον· ὁ ἠρέμα προσιὼν ὕποπτος.
Treacherous and relentless; anyone approaching quietly was suspected.
§178"βουλεύεταί τι“φησί "κατ’ ἐμοῦ ὁ θᾶττον βαδίζων· οὐ πρὸς ἕτερόν τι σπεύδων ἔοικεν, ἀλλ’ ἐμὲ διώκει·
"The one walking faster," he says, "is planning something against me; he does not seem to be hastening for some other purpose, but is pursuing me.
ὁ ἡδὺς ἐνεδρεύει, ὁ παρρησιαστὴς καταφρονεῖ· σιτία μοι καὶ ποτὰ καθάπερ τοῖς θρέμμασιν ἐπὶ σφαγὴν δίδοται.
The pleasant one is lying in wait, the outspoken one is showing contempt; food and drink are given to me as to beasts for slaughter."