§9.1τῶν δὲ Ῥωμαίων εἰς Βιθυνίαν τρεῖς ἑλομένων πρέσβεις, ὧν ὁ μὲν ποδαγρικὸς ἦν, ὁ δὲ τὴν κεφαλὴν ἐξ ἀνατρήσεως καὶ περικοπῆς κοίλην εἶχεν, ὁ δὲ τρίτος ἐδόκει μωρὸς εἶναι, καταγελῶν ὁ Κάτων εἶπε πρεσβείαν ὑπὸ Ῥωμαίων ἀποστέλλεσθαι μήτε πόδας μήτε κεφαλὴν μήτε καρδίαν ἔχουσαν.
When the Romans chose three ambassadors to Bithynia, of whom one had the gout, another had his head hollowed out from trepanning and excision, and the third was thought to be a fool, Cato mocked them and said that an embassy was being sent by the Romans which had neither feet, nor head, nor heart.
§9.2ὑπὲρ δὲ τῶν ἐξ Ἀχαΐας φυγάδων ἐντευχθεὶς διὰ Πολύβιον ὑπὸ Σκηπίωνος, ὡς πολὺς ἐν τῇ συγκλήτῳ λόγος ἐγίνετο, τῶν μὲν διδόντων κάθοδον αὐτοῖς, τῶν δʼ ἐνισταμένων, ἀναστὰς ὁ Κάτων
ὥσπερ οὐκ ἔχοντες,
εἶπεν,
ὃ πράττωμεν καθήμεθα τὴν ἡμέραν ὅλην περὶ γεροντίων Γραικῶν ζητοῦντες, πότερον ὑπὸ τῶν παρʼ ἡμῖν ἢ τῶν ἐν Ἀχαΐᾳ νεκροφόρων ἐκκομισθῶσι. §9.3ψηφισθείσης δὲ τῆς καθόδου τοῖς ἀνδράσιν, ἡμέρας ὀλίγας οἱ περὶ Τὸν Πολύβιον διαλιπόντες αὖθις ἐπεχείρουν εἰς τὴν σύγκλητον εἰσελθεῖν, ὅπως ἃς πρότερον εἶχον ἐν Ἀχαΐᾳ τιμὰς οἱ φυγάδες ἀναλάβοιεν, καὶ τοῦ Κάτωνος ἀπεπειρῶντο τῆς γνώμης, ὁ δὲ μειδιάσας ἔφη τὸν Πολύβιον, ὥσπερ Τὸν Ὀδυσσέα, βούλεσθαι πάλιν εἰς τὸ Τοῦ Κύκλωπος σπήλαιον εἰσελθεῖν, τὸ πιλίον ἐκεῖ καὶ τὴν ζώνην ἐπιλελησμένον.
And when he was entreated by Scipio on behalf of the exiles from Achaea for the sake of Polybius, as much debate arose in the senate, some granting them return and others opposing it, Cato stood up and said: "As if we had nothing to do, we sit here all day debating about some Greek old men, whether they should be carried out by our undertakers or by those in Achaea." And when the return was decreed for the men, after a few days Polybius and his friends attempted to enter the senate again, so that the exiles might regain the honors they formerly held in Achaea, and they sounded out Cato's opinion; but he smiled and said that Polybius, like Odysseus, wanted to go back into the Cyclops' cave because he had forgotten his cap and belt there.
§9.4τοὺς δὲ φρονίμους ἔλεγε μᾶλλον ὑπὸ τῶν ἀφρόνων ἢ τοὺς ἄφρονας ὑπὸ τῶν φρονίμων ὠφελεῖσθαι· τούτους μὲν γὰρ φυλάττεσθαι τὰς ἐκείνων ἁμαρτίας, ἐκείνους δὲ τὰς τούτων μὴ μιμεῖσθαι κατορθώσεις, τῶν δὲ νέων ἔφη χαίρειν τοῖς ἐρυθριῶσι μᾶλλον ἢ τοῖς ὠχριῶσι, στρατιώτου δὲ μὴ δεῖσθαι τὰς μὲν χεῖρας ἐν τῷ βαδίζειν, τοὺς δὲ πόδας ἐν τῷ μάχεσθαι κινοῦντος, μεῖζον δὲ ῥέγχοντος ἢ ἀλαλάζοντος.
And he said that the wise benefited more from fools than fools from the wise; for the former guard against the mistakes of the latter, while the latter do not imitate the successes of the former. And he said that of the young men, he liked those who blushed more than those who turned pale. And he said he had no need of a soldier who moved his hands in walking, and his feet in fighting, and who snored louder than he shouted the battle-cry.
§9.5τὸν δὲ ὑπέρπαχυν κακίζων
ποῦ δʼ ἄν,
ἔφη,
σῶμα τοιοῦτόν τῇ πόλει γένοιτο χρήσιμον, οὗ τὸ μεταξὺ λαιμοῦ καὶ βουβώνων πᾶν ὑπὸ τῆς γαστρὸς κατέχεται; τῶν δὲ φιληδόνων τινὰ βουλόμενον αὐτῷ συνεῖναι παραιτούμενος, ἔφη μὴ δύνασθαι ζῆν μετʼ ἀνθρώπου τῆς καρδίας τὴν ὑπερῴαν εὐαισθητοτέραν ἔχοντος, Τοῦ δʼ ἐρῶντος ἔλεγε τὴν ψυχὴν ἐν ἀλλοτρίῳ σώματι ζῆν.
And censuring an extremely fat man, he said: "How could such a body be useful to the state, when everything between the neck and the groin is occupied by the belly?" And refusing one of the pleasure-seekers who wished to live with him, he said he could not live with a man whose palate was more sensitive than his heart. And he said that the soul of a lover lived in another's body.
§9.6Μεταμεληθῆναι δʼ αὐτὸς ἐν παντὶ τῷ βίῳ τρεῖς μεταμελείας· μίαν μὲν ἐπὶ τῷ γυναικὶ πιστεῦσαι λόγον ἀπόρρητον, ἑτέραν δὲ πλεύσας ὅπου δυνατὸν ἦν πεζεῦσαι, τὴν δὲ τρίτην, ὅτι μίαν ἡμέραν ἀδιάθετος ἔμεινε, Πρὸς δὲ πρεσβύτην πονηρευόμενον
ἄνθρωπε,
εἶπε,
πολλὰ ἔχοντι τῷ γήρᾳ τὰ αἰσχρὰ μὴ προστίθει τὴν ἀπὸ τῆς κακίας αἰσχύνην. §9.7πρὸς δὲ δήμαρχον ἐν διαβολῇ μὲν φαρμακείας γενόμενον, φαῦλον δὲ νόμον εἰσφέροντα καὶ βιαζόμενον
ὦ μειράκιον,
εἶπεν,
οὐκ οἶδα, πότερον χεῖρόν ἐστιν ὃ κίρνης πιεῖν ἢ ὃ γράφεις κυρῶσαι. Βλασφημούμενος δʼ ὑπʼ ἀνθρώπου βεβιωκότος ἀσελγῶς καὶ κακῶς
ἄνισος,
εἶπεν,
ἡ πρὸς σέ μοι μάχη ἐστί· καὶ γὰρ ἀκούεις τὰ κακὰ ῥᾳδίως καὶ λέγεις εὐχερῶς, ἐμοὶ δὲ καὶ λέγειν ἀηδὲς καὶ ἀκούειν ἄηθες. τὸ μὲν οὖν τῶν ἀπομνημονευμάτων γένος τοιοῦτόν ἐστιν.
And he said that he himself had repented of three things in his whole life: one, that he had trusted a woman with a secret; another, that he had sailed where it was possible to go by land; and the third, that he had remained one day without his affairs in order. And to an old man who was practicing wickedness, he said: "Fellow, since old age has many disgraceful things of its own, do not add the shame that comes from vice." And to a tribune who was under accusation of poisoning, and who was introducing a bad law and forcing it through: "Young man," he said, "I do not know which is worse, to drink what you mix, or to pass what you write." And when he was reviled by a man who had lived licentiously and basely: "My battle with you is unequal," he said; "for you hear bad things easily and speak them readily, whereas to me both speaking them is unpleasant and hearing them is unaccustomed." Such, then, is the character of these anecdotes.