Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philosophers

​He was returning from the Olympic games; to someone who inquired whether there was a great crowd, he said, "A great crowd indeed, but few human beings." He said that prodigals are like fig trees growing on a precipice, of whose fruit no human being tastes, but crows and vultures eat it. When Phryne dedicated a golden statue of Aphrodite at Delphi, they say he inscribed upon it: "From the intemperance of the Greeks." Once, when Alexander stood over him and said, "I am Alexander the great king," he said, "And I am Diogenes the dog." Being asked what he did to be called a dog, he said, "Fawning on those who give, barking at those who do not give, and biting the wicked."

​He was gathering figs from a fig tree; and when the watchman said, "A man hanged himself from that very tree the other day," he said, "Then I shall purify it." Seeing an Olympic victor staring rather intently at a courtesan, he said, "Look at the martial ram, how he is held by the neck by a common wench!" He used to say that handsome courtesans are like deadly honey-wine. While he was breakfasting in the market-place, the bystanders kept calling him, "Dog!" But he said, "It is you who are dogs, who stand around me while I am breakfasting." When two effeminate men were trying to hide from him, he said, "Do not be afraid; a dog does not eat beets." Being asked about a boy who had prostituted himself, where he came from, he said, "From Tegea (under the roof)."

​Having observed an unskilful wrestler practicing medicine, he said, "What is this? Is it in order that you may now throw down those who once defeated you?" Having observed the son of a courtesan throwing a stone into a crowd, he said, "Take care lest you hit your father!" When a boy showed him a dagger which he had received from a lover, he said, "The dagger is handsome, but the handle (pretext) is shameful." When some people were praising the man who gave him alms, he said, "And do you not praise me, who am worthy to receive?" Being asked by someone to return a cloak, he said, "If you gave it as a gift, I have it; but if you lent it, I am using it." When a supposititious child told him that he had gold in his cloak, he said, "Yes, and for this very reason you sleep with it laid under you."

​Being asked what benefit he had gained from philosophy, he said, "If nothing else, at any rate being prepared for every turn of fortune." Being asked where he was from, he said, "A citizen of the world." When some were sacrificing to the gods upon the birth of a son, he said, "And do you not sacrifice concerning what sort of man he will turn out to be?" Once, being asked for a subscription by the president of a club, he said, "Levy upon the others, but keep your hands off Hector!" He said that courtesans were the queens of kings, for they do whatever they please. When the Athenians decreed that Alexander was Dionysus, he said, "Make me Serapis too!" To the man who reproached him for entering unclean places, he said, "The sun also visits privies, yet is not defiled."

​Dining in a temple, when dirty loaves were served in the course of the meal, he took them up and threw them away, saying that nothing dirty ought to enter a temple. To the one who said, "You practice philosophy knowing nothing," he said, "Even if I only lay claim to wisdom, this too is practicing philosophy." To the man who was recommending his son and saying that he was most gifted and of the best character, he said, "Why then does he need me?" He used to say that those who speak what is excellent but do not practice it are no different from a cithara, for it neither hears nor perceives. He was entering a theater facing those who were coming out; and being asked why, he said, "This is what I make a practice of doing through my whole life."

​Once, seeing a young man effeminately dressed, he said, "Are you not ashamed to make worse determinations about yourself than nature did? For nature made you a man, but you compel yourself to be a woman." Seeing a foolish man tuning a psaltery, he said, "Are you not ashamed that you harmonize the notes to the wood, but do not harmonize your soul to life?" To the one who said, "I am unfit for philosophy," he said, "Why then do you live, if you do not care about living well?" To the one who despised his father, he said, "Are you not ashamed that you despise this man on whose account you are proud?" Seeing a handsome youth talking indecently, he said, "Are you not ashamed to draw a leaden sword from an ivory sheath?"