Nicomachean Ethics

​Is there a greater need of friends in good fortune or in ill fortune? For they are sought after in both; for those in misfortune need assistance, and those in good fortune need companions and those whom they may benefit; for they wish to do well. Indeed, in misfortunes, it is more necessary, which is why there is need of useful friends there, but in good fortune, it is nobler, which is why they also seek decent friends; for it is more desirable to benefit these and to spend time with them. For the very presence of friends is pleasant both in good fortune and in ill fortune. For those who are grieved are lightened when their friends share in their pain. Therefore, one might indeed wonder whether they take a share of the burden, as it were, or whether this is not so, but their presence, being pleasant, and the awareness of their sharing in the pain make the grief less. Whether, then, they are lightened for these reasons or for some other, let this be dismissed; but in any case, the said fact clearly occurs. But their presence seems to be something mixed. For the very seeing of one’s friends is pleasant, especially for one in misfortune, and there arises a certain assistance toward not grieving (for a friend is consoling both in sight and in speech, if he is tactful; for he knows one’s character, and what things please and grieve him). But to perceive him being grieved at one’s own misfortunes is painful; for everyone avoids being a cause of pain to his friends. For this reason, those who are manly by nature are cautious about making their friends grieve together with them, and unless one is outstandingly free from pain, he does not endure the pain that comes to them, and in general he does not admit partners in lamentation, because he himself is not given to lamentation. But weak women and men of that sort rejoice in those who groan with them, and love them as friends and sharers of pain. But in all things one must clearly imitate the better person. On the other hand, the presence of friends in good fortune makes our passing of time pleasant and brings the awareness that they are pleased at one’s own good things. For this reason, it would seem that we should summon our friends to our good fortune eagerly (for it is noble to be beneficent), but to our misfortunes with hesitation; for we should share bad things as little as possible, whence the saying “Enough is my own misfortune.” But we should call them in most of all when they are likely, at the cost of little trouble, to be of great help to oneself. On the contrary, it is perhaps fitting to go to those in misfortune uninvited and eagerly (for it is the part of a friend to do good, especially to those in need who have not demanded it; for this is nobler and more pleasant for both), but to their good fortune, to co-operate eagerly indeed (for in these things too there is need of friends), but to go slowly for enjoyment; for it is not noble to be eager to be benefited. But we must perhaps be careful to avoid a reputation for unpleasantness in pushing away their offers; for this sometimes happens. Indeed, the presence of friends seems to be desirable in all circumstances.

​Is it then the case that, just as for lovers the seeing of each other is most cherished and they choose this sensation rather than the rest on the ground that love exists and comes into being especially in accordance with this, so also for friends the most desirable thing is to live together? For friendship is a partnership, and as one is related to oneself, so is he related to his friend; and concerning oneself, the awareness that one exists is desirable, and so indeed concerning one’s friend; and the activity of this awareness comes into being in living together, so that they reasonably aim at this. And whatever existence is for each, or for the sake of what they choose to live, in this they wish to spend time with their friends. For this reason, some drink together, others play dice together, while others exercise together and hunt together, or philosophize together, each spending their days together in whatever they love most in life; for wishing to live together with their friends, they do these things and share in those things in which they think they live together. Thus, the friendship of base people becomes wicked (for, being unstable, they share in base things, and they become wicked by becoming like one another), whereas the friendship of decent people is decent, growing together with their intercourse; and they seem to become even better by active exercise and by correcting each other; for they imprint upon themselves from each other the things they approve, whence “from good men, good things.” Let so much, then, be said about friendship; next in order would be to discuss pleasure.