The Double Indictment or Trials by Jury

​Academy Hear, gentlemen of the jury, first the arguments on behalf of Drunkenness; for the water now flowing is hers. This wretched woman has been wronged in the highest degree by me, the Academy, in being deprived of that Polemon, the only slave she had who was well-disposed and faithful to her, who thought nothing shameful of whatever she might command—he who by day went about in revelry through the middle of the marketplace, having a harp-girl and being sung to from morning till evening, always drunk and hungover, and having his head decorated with wreaths. And that these things are true, all the Athenians are witnesses, who never saw Polemon sober. But when the unlucky fellow came in revelry to the doors of the Academy, as he was accustomed to do to all, she, having kidnapped him and snatched him by force from the hands of Drunkenness and led him to herself, compelled him to drink water and retaught him to be sober and tore off his wreaths; and whereas he ought to have been drinking while reclining, she educated him in crooked and wretched little words full of much anxiety. Consequently, instead of the redness that previously bloomed on him, the wretched man has become pale and shriveled in body, and having forgotten all his songs, he sits sometimes without food and thirsty until late evening, babbling such things as I, the Academy, teach many to babble. And the greatest thing is that, being incited by me, he even abuses Drunkenness and goes through ten thousand evils about her. The arguments on behalf of Drunkenness have been nearly spoken. Now I shall speak on my own behalf, and let the water flow for me from now on. Dike What then will she say to these things? Nevertheless, pour the equal amount of water in turn.

​Academy To hear it thus, gentlemen of the jury, the advocate has spoken very reasonably on behalf of Drunkenness, but if you hear me too with goodwill, you will know that I have done her no wrong. For this Polemon, whom she says is her servant, being by nature not base nor suited to Drunkenness, but related to me in nature, she snatched beforehand when he was still young and tender, with Pleasure helping her, who serves her in most things, and corrupted the wretched man by handing him over to revels and courtesans, so that not even a little bit of shame was left to him. And those things which she thought a little while ago were being said on her own behalf, consider them rather to have been said on my behalf. For the wretched man went about from morning crowned, hungover, piped through the middle of the marketplace, never sober, reveling at everyone’s doors, an insult to his ancestors and to the whole city, and a laughingstock to strangers. However, when he came to me, I happened, as I am accustomed to do, to be going through certain discourses on virtue and temperance with the companions present, the doors being wide open. But he, standing by with the flute and wreaths, at first shouted and tried to confound our gathering, disturbing it with his shouting. But when we paid no attention to him, little by little—for he was not completely soaked by Drunkenness—he sobered up at the discourses and stripped off his wreaths and silenced the flute-girl and was ashamed of his purple robe, and as if awakened from a deep sleep, he saw himself, how he was situated, and condemned his former life. And the redness from Drunkenness bloomed away and disappeared, but he blushed out of shame for his actions. And finally running away just as he was, he deserted to me, without my calling him or forcing him, as she says, but of his own free will, conceiving these things to be better. And now call him for me, so that you may observe in what manner he is situated towards me. — This man, gentlemen of the jury, having received him in a ridiculous condition, able neither to utter a voice nor to stand because of unmixed wine, I turned back and sobered up, and instead of a slave, I turned him out a well-behaved man, temperate, and of great worth to the Greeks; and he himself is grateful to me for these things, and his relatives on his behalf. I have spoken; and you now consider with which of us it was better for him to associate.