Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philosophers

“And he is useful for sexual intercourse.” These premises having been granted, he drew the conclusion: “Therefore, if someone who makes use of intercourse insofar as it is useful does not err, neither then will he err if he makes use of beauty insofar as it is useful.” By asking such questions, he prevailed in argument. He is thought to have been called a “god” because Stilpo questioned him in this manner: “Is that which you say you are, Theodorus, also that which you are?” When he nodded assent, Stilpo continued: “And do you say you are a god?” When he agreed, Stilpo said: “Then you are a god.” And when Theodorus accepted this gladly, Stilpo laughed and said: “Yet, you miserable man, by this same reasoning you would also agree that you are a jackdaw and a myriad other things!”

​At any rate, Theodorus once sat down beside the hierophant Eurycleides and said: “Tell me, Eurycleides, who are those who commit impiety with respect to the mysteries?” And when the other replied: “Those who disclose them to the uninitiated,” Theodorus said: “Then you too are impious, since you narrate them to the uninitiated.” Indeed, he ran the risk of narrowly missing being brought before the Areopagus, had not Demetrius of Phalerum rescued him. Amphicrates, however, in his work On Illustrious Men, says that he was condemned and drank the hemlock.

​While staying with Ptolemy the son of Lagus, he was once sent by him as an ambassador to Lysimachus. On this occasion, when he spoke with outspoken freedom, Lysimachus said to him: “Tell me, Theodorus, are you not the one who was banished from Athens?” And he replied: “You have heard rightly; for the city of the Athenians, unable to bear me just as Semele could not bear Dionysus, cast me out.” When Lysimachus said again: “See to it that you no longer come into our presence,” he replied: “I certainly would not, unless Ptolemy should send me.” When Mithras, Lysimachus’ steward, who was standing by, said: “You seem to be ignorant not only of the gods, but also of kings,” he replied: “How can I be ignorant of them, seeing that I consider you to be an enemy even to the gods?” They say that once in Corinth he was passing by, leading along a great crowd of pupils, and Metrocles the Cynic, who was washing chervil, said: “You, the sophist, would not need so many pupils if you washed wild vegetables!” Whereupon Theodorus retorted: “And you, if you knew how to converse with men, would not be making use of these vegetables.”

​The same story, as mentioned earlier, is also attributed to Diogenes and Aristippus. Such was Theodorus in these respects as well. At last he departed for Cyrene and, living together with Magas, continued to enjoy every honor. When he was initially being banished from there, he is reported to have made a witty remark; for he said: “You do well, men of Cyrene, in exiling me from Libya to Greece.” There have been twenty men named Theodorus. The first was a Samian, son of Rhoecus. He was the one who advised laying down charcoal beneath the foundations of the temple at Ephesus; for since the place was damp, he said that the charcoal, having shed its woody character, would keep its solid part itself unaffected by water. The second was a Cyrenaean, a geometer whom Plato attended. The third was the aforementioned philosopher. The fourth was one whose treatise on vocal training is celebrated as very fine.

​The fifth was one who composed a work concerning the lawgivers, beginning from Terpander. The sixth was a Stoic. The seventh was one who wrote concerning Roman affairs. The eighth was a Syracusan, who wrote on tactics. The ninth was of Byzantium, known from political speeches. The tenth likewise, whom Aristotle mentions in his compendium of the rhetoricians. The eleventh was a Theban, a sculptor. The twelfth was a painter, mentioned by Polemon. The thirteenth was a painter, an Athenian, about whom Menodotus writes. The fourteenth was an Ephesian, a painter, whom Theophanes mentions in his treatise On Painting. The fifteenth was an epigrammatic poet. The sixteenth was one who wrote concerning poets. The seventeenth was a physician, a pupil of Athenaeus. The eighteenth was of Chios, a Stoic philosopher. The nineteenth was of Miletus, likewise a Stoic philosopher. The twentieth was a tragic poet.