Moral Letters to Lucilius

​The propriety of words in certain things is wonderful, and the custom of ancient speech designates some things with extremely effective signs that teach duties. Surely we are accustomed to speak thus: “he returned gratitude to him.” To return is to bring back voluntarily what you owe. We do not say “he returned gratitude,” for those also return who are demanded back, and those who are unwilling, and those in any place whatsoever, and those through another. We do not say “he replaced the benefit” or “he paid”; no word pleased us which belongs to debt.

​To return is to carry the thing to him from whom you received it. This word signifies a voluntary return; he who has returned has summoned himself. The wise man will examine all things with himself: how much he received, from whom, when, where, in what manner. Therefore we deny that anyone knows how to return gratitude except the wise man; no more than anyone knows how to give a benefit except the wise man, he namely, who rejoices more in the giving than another in the receiving.

​Someone numbers this among those things which we seem to say contrary to everyone’s opinion, which the Greeks call paradoxes, and says: “Does no one, then, except the wise man know how to return gratitude? Then does no one else know how to repay to his creditor what he owes, nor, when he buys something, to pay the price to the seller?” Lest hatred be directed at us, know that Epicurus says the same thing. Metrodorus certainly says that the wise man alone knows how to return gratitude. ​Then the same person wonders when we say: “Only the wise man knows how to love. Only the wise man is a friend.” And yet to return gratitude is a part of both love and friendship; indeed, this is more common and falls upon more people than true friendship. Then the same person wonders at our saying that there is no loyalty except in the wise man, as if he himself did not say the same thing. Or does he seem to you to have loyalty, who does not know how to return gratitude?

​Therefore let them cease to defame us as if we were boasting of incredible things, and let them know that with the wise man are the honorable things themselves, but with the crowd are the shadows and images of honorable things. No one knows how to return gratitude except the wise man. Let the fool also return it, however he knows and in whatever way he can; let knowledge rather than will be lacking to him. To will is not learned.

​The wise man will compare all things among themselves; for a thing becomes greater or smaller, though it be the same, by time, place, and cause. For often riches poured into a house could not do this, which a thousand denarii given opportunely did. For it makes a great difference whether you have given a gift or brought help, whether your generosity has saved him or equipped him. Often what is given is small, but what follows from it is great. But how great a difference do you think it makes, whether someone took from himself what was lacking, which he performed, or received a benefit in order to give?

​But lest we roll back into the same things, which we have sufficiently examined. In this comparison of benefit and injury, the good man indeed will judge what will be most fair, but he will favor the benefit; he will be more inclined to this side.

​But person usually brings the most weight in matters of this kind: “You gave me a benefit in the case of a slave, you did me an injury in the case of my father. You saved my son, but you took away my father.” He pursues other things in turn, through which all comparison proceeds, and if what difference there is is tiny, he will disregard it. Even if it is much, but if it can be forgiven without violating piety and loyalty, he will remit it; that is, if the injury belongs entirely to himself.